I think it's for the best...
I need to disappear.
I need to escape everyone especially myself.
One would think that always having a lot of people around you would make you never feel lonely.
I've never felt more alone in my life than I do these days...
never.
In a stupid rant with what one could call a friend I talked about wanting to die...
I asked what is there to live for that I haven't already experienced?
love?
i don't know if I believe in it too much these days... I want to... believe me I do...
... it's just that when I really start to see and believe, things happen... that's when I really lose faith.
in people.
myself.
everything.
A friend has come into a great deal of money to start a business...
it makes me really happy for him,
but at the same time it makes me want to jump off a very tall bridge because it reminds me that I am not really doing anything that I love with my life.
Watkins has made me hate the idea of being a film maker.
I don't have faith in my writing.
I don't have faith in much of anything as I already established above.
Tonight was my big family christmas bullshit on my mother's side.
The Gibson family: ever seen the movie "Saved" they are a lot like that... except they are run like a corporation ever since the death of my grandfather.
It was really interesting this year...
I sat down and had a decently long conversation with the family's newest member... Nathan.
He is the 19 year old husband to be of my cousin Allison.
He was forced into dropping out of college in North Carolina, where he had a full ride music scholarship...
in order to come down to TN and marry Allison, because she is pregnant with his child.
They were careless.
Carelessness is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
I've decided that absolute letdown is better than absolute uncertainty.
anyways... I'm hoping to drop off the face of the planet soon...
if it's for good or not, I'm still not sure.
I need to escape everyone especially myself.
One would think that always having a lot of people around you would make you never feel lonely.
I've never felt more alone in my life than I do these days...
never.
In a stupid rant with what one could call a friend I talked about wanting to die...
I asked what is there to live for that I haven't already experienced?
love?
i don't know if I believe in it too much these days... I want to... believe me I do...
... it's just that when I really start to see and believe, things happen... that's when I really lose faith.
in people.
myself.
everything.
A friend has come into a great deal of money to start a business...
it makes me really happy for him,
but at the same time it makes me want to jump off a very tall bridge because it reminds me that I am not really doing anything that I love with my life.
Watkins has made me hate the idea of being a film maker.
I don't have faith in my writing.
I don't have faith in much of anything as I already established above.
Tonight was my big family christmas bullshit on my mother's side.
The Gibson family: ever seen the movie "Saved" they are a lot like that... except they are run like a corporation ever since the death of my grandfather.
It was really interesting this year...
I sat down and had a decently long conversation with the family's newest member... Nathan.
He is the 19 year old husband to be of my cousin Allison.
He was forced into dropping out of college in North Carolina, where he had a full ride music scholarship...
in order to come down to TN and marry Allison, because she is pregnant with his child.
They were careless.
Carelessness is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
I've decided that absolute letdown is better than absolute uncertainty.
anyways... I'm hoping to drop off the face of the planet soon...
if it's for good or not, I'm still not sure.