Two Catalysts | Kris/Adam, R
(Originally posted 25th April 2009.)
Title: Two Catalysts
Author: ilytheira
Pairing: Kradam (Kris Allen/Adam Lambert) with a side of Kris+Matt and Adam+Matt bonding.
Rating: R (because Matt loves dropping cuss words)
Summary: The object of Kris’ fixation straightens himself, looks directly at him, lips slightly pushed out and eyes quite clearly ‘come hither,’ and he gulps as Adam begins to gently sway his hips.
Notes: As with Heartaches and my suggestion to read Seven Minutes before it, I suggest you read Heartaches before reading this one. (: All three ficlets occur after the events in the previous installment, and in the same day. A difference between the previous two and Catalysts is that this one is split only into three parts, and are written in order.
Disclaimer: Neither Kris nor Adam, nor any of the people featured, or any of the songs below, belong to me.
This one’s very, very Kris-centric, and it’s got a whole lot of Matt in here.
Missed the last part? Check out Five Heartaches! :)
I. The Hard Times Fall on Those Who Can Stand | ‘Takin’ It In Stride’ ; Ashley Chambliss
Kris wakes up facing the direction of Adam’s bed only to find him already gone, pillows propped up against the headboard and bed sheets neat, a fresh set of clothes resting on top of them. There is the traditional variety of Adam’s choice of jewelry for later that day, his snakeskin boots beside the bed and ready for action. Adam has a fondness for those boots that he doesn’t quite understand, but to each his own, and he can’t really avoid admitting the fact that they do suit Adam and that he wears them well-very well. He gets out of bed and stretches, running a hand through his hair while shaking his head.
His head hurts the way it always does when he hasn’t gotten enough sleep and his vision is still somewhat blurry as he walks into the restroom. Kris looks at his reflection and sees dark circles growing under his eyes and he releases an exhausted sigh. He’d honestly thought he’d known what he was getting himself into when he audition in Louisville. Within the first week in the Idol mansion, his misconception of only song choices and judges’ critiques being the temporary bane of his existence has been disproved, crumpled up and thrown away. He’s found that song choices he can take care of easily, the judges’ critiques he can take as hard as they can dish, he can even take the public’s constant scrutiny, but the mess that he’s gotten himself into-this, he has to reassess. He turns on the water and lets it run for a moment, the sound roaring in the silence of the bathroom, before he splashes his face, successfully clearing his head, clearing his vision-even if for just a moment. He turns, grabs the nearest face towel-why does he have to keep on accidentally using Adam’s things?-and dries his face before he exits, then proceeds to dig around in his suitcase for jeans and a casual t-shirt to throw on. There’s a knock on his door as he puts his shirt on, then two as he buttons and zippers his jeans, a third as he threads a belt through the loops and what seems to be a half knock as he finishes buckling, three in rapid succession as he pulls on the hem of his shirt, and finally, the door swings open by itself and it’s Matt leaning against the doorframe.
Kris greets Matt’s cheerful smile with a grunt of frustration. “Can’t you give a man some privacy while he’s getting dressed?”
Matt laughs, waves him off, and then crosses his arms. “Oh, don’t pull that shit with me, Allen, we lost our right to privacy when we decided to audition for this show. And, by the way, don’t shoot the messenger-Lil sent me.” He tilts his head. “You coming down to breakfast any time soon, Allen? We’ve been starving.”
He doesn’t know what it is about Matt, but the taller singer’s cheerful disposition is always infectious. “Yeah. Yeah-I was just about to go downstairs.” The last bit of what Matt has said only registers in his mind as Matt says, “Good.”
“Wait-” he says as Matt pushes away from the doorframe and turns to head downstairs, “Matt, you guys haven’t eaten yet?”
Matt shakes his head. “Naw, man. Lil and Megan didn’t want to eat without you, but Adam didn’t want to wake you, either. Said something about you deserving a good sleep.” After he’s said this, he regards Kris with a critical eye and it unnerves the shorter singer. He knows, though, that Matt only has his best intentions in mind as he continues, “You-don’t look sick, man. You all right?”
Kris nods. “Yeah, man, I’m good-just tired. You know how it is. And nervous,” he decides to throw in. It is, after all, elimination night.
Matt appears to understand him perfectly. “Yeah,” he exhales with a light whistle, “me, too.” He shrugs. “What happens, happens, right?” Kris tilts his head in affirmation. Matt straightens himself, then takes a step closer to Kris and puts a supportive hand on his shoulder. “But we can’t let anything happen on an empty stomach, now, can we?” He claps Kris on the back twice, before he turns and continues to walk toward the stairs. “Now hurry up because Lil might send Danny up to come look for us-she made us chocolate chip waffles, by the way, and Adam’s got some of those chocolate-covered strawberries ready-and you know how Lil and Danny get when they’re really hungry.”
Kris laughs because he knows it’s the reaction Matt is looking for, but he also ducks his head while Matt takes the first step down the stairs as he feels the heat rush up his cheeks at the usage of ‘Adam’ and ‘chocolate-covered strawberries’ in the same sentence. He closes the door to the bedroom gently, then falls into step behind Matt. Once they’ve descended and have walked into the dining room, they are greeted by an abundance of laughter and energy. Danny, the first to spot them from his position at the head of the table, calls out, “Took you long enough, Allen! Didn’t your mama teach you not to keep the food waiting?”
“Well,” he answers, clapping Matt on the back, “Matt’s mama didn’t teach him any manners either, so it balances out.” Matt simply laughs at him.
Adam, sitting directly across from Danny and his back to Matt and Kris, noticeably stiffens at the exchange, but his is a speedy recovery. Adam is quick to crane his neck around and smile brightly, albeit forcedly, at the pair of them. “G’morning,” he says quietly, and where Matt breezily strolls by and claps him on the shoulder in response, proceeding to take a seat next to Scott, Kris is left to take the only empty seat, the seat to Adam’s immediate right, does so, and responds with a “Good morning” in a voice no higher than a whisper.
The black-haired singer acknowledges it with a small tilt of his head, a gentle crinkling in the corner of his eyes, before he turns away and engages Megan in soft conversation. Megan looks at him apologetically, but Kris only smiles at her, lips thinned and eyes not quite meeting hers. When she finally turns away from him, he turns to his right and so seamlessly, so effortlessly weaves himself into the “who’s-hotter-than-who?” debate Allison always seems to take pleasure in, because it’s the only way he can distract himself.
He says Christian Bale when she says Orlando Bloom with conviction, and Lil is quick to counter with Brad Pitt, whereupon Matt replies with, “Y’all obviously haven’t seen Hugh Jackman!” Danny laughs and says, “We gotta show some love for Daniel Craig, folks,” to which Scott counters with, “Well, you know, people often seem to swoon over Jonathan Rhys Meyers.”
Scott’s mention of Meyers leads Kris to mentioning Natalie Dormer, because he thinks she’s ridiculously gorgeous, resulting in Matt shaking his head profusely and saying Monica Bellucci, and Danny voicing his undying eternal love for Parker Posey, and hell-who is Kris to argue with that? Lil seems to think Angelina Jolie has a chance, but Allison is quick to challenge her as she brings up Jennifer Aniston.
Kris lets his mind run through the names of the actresses he’s familiar with as Allison brings up Jen’s GQ cover and Lil brings up Angie’s W cover-“Shot by Brad!” she adds triumphantly, almost smugly-and suddenly loses his train of thought as Megan enters the conversation by mentioning Audrey Hepburn. Kris’ eyes widen and he whips his head to the left.
Adam’s plate and eating utensils are gone, and his seat is empty.
Suddenly, he doesn’t feel so up to challenging Famke Janssen, Elizabeth Hurley, Jessica Biel.
(‘Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone’ is the first wry thought to enter his head.)
II. I Don’t Wanna Fall Another Moment Into Your Gravity | ‘Gravity’ ; Sara Bareilles
None of the rest of the nine remaining Idols seem to notice that they aren’t sitting across from or beside each other. Kris is thanking his lucky stars that Megan, sitting to his right, is too enraptured by a conversation with Anoop, sitting across from her, to point anything out, because any further attention directed to the tension between him and Adam would drive him crazy. Beside Anoop is Allison, who is currently squealing about how extremely hot she thinks Joe Jonas is-or whichever one of the Jonas Brothers; whoever she seems to favor depends on her mood, and when it comes to Allison, Kris never knows, anyway-to Danny, who is laughing and shaking his head at her across the table. Scott, beside Allison, is sharing a story with Lil, who is giggling delightedly to his left, and across from her is Matt-who is deeply engaged in a conversation with Adam.
Matt has the grin of the Cheshire cat on his face, the grin he always has when he’s sharing his college experiences, and the look on Adam’s face is bright, with no worry in his eyes whatsoever-it’s the look Adam always has on his face when he’s talking about Fiyero, so even from where he’s seated, Kris can tell that where Matt is most likely talking about frat parties and sorority girls, Adam’s topic du jour is Wicked. That they’re having such a conversation where both parties seem equally interested in the other’s story doesn’t bother Kris at all (or, at least, that’s what he tells himself). What bothers him and makes him frown slightly as he stabs a piece of chicken with his fork and puts it in his mouth is the fact that even from the other end of the table, is that he can tell that Adam’s smile is not as carefree as he wants Matt to believe. Kris notices the tightness at the corner of his mouth, notices the way Adam is fighting to smooth said tightness out before Matt can take note of it.
Kris tilts his head down and focuses his gaze on the varying shades of green his salad has as he attempts to drown out everyone else’s conversations: He’s heard Allison go on and on about Joe and Zac Efron and, oh, he doesn’t know, Chace Crawford or someone, xoxo, he isn’t even close to giving a damn right now. He’s heard Scott tell the stories of how he learned such-and-such song, he doesn’t need to hear him tell it to Lil another three times. He’s heard Megan share the stories about her child’s first words or the first time he hit himself on the head with a toy, he doesn’t need to her the fifteenth rendition of it that she’s giving Anoop. Now, he’s always been a mama’s boy and his mother has always told him that eavesdropping is impolite and improper and should not be done under any circumstances, but when Matt is laughing as Adam recites his favorite Fiyero line-it’s “Maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant go” and Kris has it memorized down to the inflections, down to the facial expressions, down to the certain tilt of the head and the raising of the eyebrow, it’s certainly the one conversation he wouldn’t mind having over and over and over again-
“Hey, man, are you all right?”
Kris doesn’t think he’s loathed the sound of Danny’s voice this much, ever, doesn’t even think he’s loathed the sound of Danny’s voice at all before. He cringes, bites his lip, then looks up the same moment everyone’s conversations come to a stop-Matt and Adam’s, too-and eight pairs of curious eyes swivel his direction; Adam is too busy looking at the spaghetti with bacon and marinara sauce on his plate.
“Yeah - yeah, o’course, man.” He laughs weakly. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Kris, you haven’t touched your food ever since it got on your plate,” Lil says, and even though he knows he’s eaten a few bites and that she’s completely over-exaggerating, he’s not particularly up to defending himself and cuts her off quickly by stuffing chicken in his mouth.
She looks at him with an expression that clearly said you’ve got to be kidding me, and he nods at her and swallows the salad. Although the leaves are probably only as thick as three sheets of paper stacked on top of each other and the wonton chips are slightly soggy from the length of time it’s been soaked in sesame vinaigrette, he feels as though bread and gravy and mashed potatoes have been stuffed down his throat. He swallows another time, and then grabs his glass of orange juice and drinks from it. He finishes, sets his glass down, and then smiles. “See? I’m good.”
“So-who do you think you’re fooling, Kris?” Megan’s smile is bright and the tone of her voice is exaggeratedly, gratingly chipper like she’s the host of some game show, but her eyes are narrowed and vicious and she’s clearly out for blood (he can see Who Wants To Ruin Kris Allen’s Life? written in flashing neon lights already, can envision the audience that would certainly go and watch it).
“’M not trying to fool anyone,” he says in between another three bites of his salad. He’s waiting for her to say Is that your final answer, and he’s ready to fire back with No deal, wherein she might say Survey says-you are the biggest douchebag to ever walk the earth, and he would retort with What is-Megan, stay the hell out of this? “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Well, yeah,” Matt quips, “c’mon, Kris, we know you’re a hot piece of ass and all, but how are you-fucking shit, Adam, that hurt!”
Kris can see Adam throw the other singer a sidelong, almost exasperated glare before he switches expressions-for a moment, Kris is envying Adam’s theater experience; he’s above and beyond them all in character transition-and his smile turns sheepish and his eyes apologetic as he says “My bad, I must’ve stepped on his foot by accident” to Lil’s admonishment of “Matt, language! And what did you do to him, Adam?”
“Stepped on my foot by accident?” Matt says incredulously, standing up and raising his hands in the air; Kris leads the rest of the Idols in laughing at his antics. “The heel of your damn snakeskin boot was so hard on my toes, I might not even be able to walk-dammit, Adam, stop that, I’m not a fucking ‘welcome home’ doormat, ow!”
“Matthew Scott Giraud-!”
“-I’m sorry, mother, don’t hurt me!”
Kris turns his eyes to Adam, who seems to have felt it and turns his way, and the look in his eyes is almost apologetic and leaves him absolutely flabbergasted, before Adam looks away to look up at Matt and shake his head, mouthing, “You’re an idiot.”
Immediately, Kris finds himself willing to give something anything everything if it meant Adam would call him names, any name, Kris, idiot, dumbass, hell, he’d be okay with any jabs about his height, his hair, his jaw, something, anything, everything.
(He's spending every ounce of willpower in an attempt not to twist his wedding band.)
III. Faith and Desire and the Swing of Your Hips | ‘Come On Get Higher’ ; Matt Nathanson
After they’ve said their goodbyes to their families-Kris had found a slight stiffness with Katy unavoidable as he hugged her then stared at Adam throwing an arm around Paul over her shoulder-and have been driven back to their mansion, the remaining Idols gather in the living room, nine only for one more night. Kris has taken over the loveseat, propping his head up against the armrest and stretching his legs, curling them in when Megan decides to sit by him, letting him rest his feet in her lap. On the other loveseat situated directly across from them, Danny and Allison are sharing the cushioned seats while below them, Scott and Anoop sit comfortably on the carpet. On the couch positioned in between them, Lil sits on the side closest to Megan, Adam in the same position Kris is. Kris is trying his best not to look at Adam through the corner of his eye, but is failing miserably: Without even a slight tilt of his head, he can see that Adam has his arms up on the armrest, leaning back and resting his head on his forearms, his eyes closed and a lazy smile plastered on his face, and even with Lil somewhat blocking his view, every time she moves in response to something or other that Allison’s said, he sees a flash of pale skin-his shirt is riding up again-and his mind can’t help but go through a slideshow of snapshots of Adam on top him.
In the center of them all is Matt, lying face-up and body spread-eagle with his eyes closed, looking so peaceful, so comfortable on the carpet, it’s almost as if he’s sleeping. They’re sitting around, simply enjoying one another’s company, a nice silence interrupted only by Matt’s quipping every once in a while to Adam’s hushed comments or Danny’s supposed rhetorical questions, or by Anoop attempting (and failing, in Kris’ humble opinion) to reenact to Scott whatever apparently hilarious conversation he had with one of his friends, making exaggerated hand gestures so wild that for a moment, while Scott is laughing and nodding, Kris almost thinks the blind singer can actually see them. It’s the way they’re supposed to be and Kris knows it-no tension with their respective roommates, no awkwardness toward anyone and their harmless, innocent questions, no uncomfortable avoidances at the breakfast table, nothing like that.
It’s a silence Kris will happily relive again, a silence that shatters as Matt springs up so fast it’s got to be inhuman, startling Allison, who squeals; Anoop, who looks as though he’d jumped out of his skin, eyes wide in surprise before he laughs it off; and Megan, who flinches then exclaims, “Whoa, Giraud, where’s the fire?”
He grins sheepishly at her. “I honestly don’t get why we’re just sitting here. We should be doing something fun.”
Kris doesn’t move from his position, but tilts his head and watches Adam open one of his eyes and look lethargically at Matt, who seems to be waiting for his response with bated breath. “Fun?” he repeats slowly, and Kris has to forcibly stop his body from shivering, because the tone of Adam’s voice is just too damn low and seductive and he can’t help but think that it’s the same voice Adam’s used with him once before, twice before. Adam relaxes his arms, letting them casually drop and cross on his stomach, opens his other eye, and proceeds to rearrange himself so that he is half sitting up and his feet are no longer on Lil’s lap; his eyes flicker quickly to Kris, whose breath hitches in his throat because it’s the same look Adam had when they’d been left alone in the kitchen with a bowl of strawberries dipped in chocolate so Kris knows without a doubt that there’s something going on, before he turns them again to Matt. “Doll, I’d love to play strip poker with you, but Allison isn’t old enough and I’m quite sorry to say that Scott won’t be able to appreciate you once you’ve lost the game-and your clothes.”
Everyone laughs-Allison actually manages a “Hey-hey, what?” before she’s overcome by giggles-and Kris laughs with them because it’s his reflexes kicking in and he doesn’t want to raise any questions and because he knows there’s something behind that look Adam has just given him.
“Aw, darn.” Matt goes along with the joke fabulously, snapping his fingers in disappointment, and Kris is watching their banter almost enviously. Then he laughs, louder and heartier than the rest of them. “No shit, Lambert, I’m not playing strip poker in this house! Allen over there can barely keep his hands off me as it is!”
Kris sits up so fast Megan flinches again, then turns to look back at him with an amused gaze. “Says the one who’s throwing himself onto someone like a rag doll!” he fires back.
“Only ’cause you won’t, honey,” Matt says in his best imitation of Lil, voice high and his hands on his hips, and Kris, although his cheeks are tainted pink and he really can’t come up with a comeback because it’s pretty much the truth, has to laugh.
Danny is guffawing so hard, Kris doesn’t know he can do it and talk at the same time. “Strip poker aside”-and as he wipes tears from his eyes, Adam snorts and shakes his head, a feline grin on his face-“what’d you seriously have in mind, Giraud?”
Matt tones himself down somewhat. “I just thought, hey, Megan’s a fun-lovin’ girl, why don’t we have some fun before she leaves us?”
Megan looks at him suspiciously. “Giraud, I don’t like the way you said ‘fun.’”
“It’s completely innocent, I swear.”
“Not when you’re giving me that look with your eyebrow like that, it’s not.”
“Let the poor guy finish,” Adam says with a chuckle.
“Thank you!” Matt throws his arm up in mock exasperation. “Finally, someone defends me!” And before anyone else can say anything, he continues, “I was just going to suggest blasting some music and dancing, you know?” He pauses, and the pause gives Kris the chance to think about Adam and Megan dancing to Rihanna only weeks before, and blush while doing so. “Although I really wouldn’t be opposed to the strip poker idea.” There is a collective no from the eight other Idols, and he laughs and waves them off. “Just kidding - I am serious about the dancing, though, you guys.”
“You know?” Megan claps her hands and jumps off of the seat, eyes wide and smile megawatt. “That’s not a bad idea at all, Matt, ’s the best thing you’ve said all night!”
It worries Kris that Matt doesn’t even try to defend himself, settling for nodding at Megan with a devilish look in his eyes then dashing off and up the stars to retrieve his Mac. Megan sits down, expression smug and satisfied, and Kris shifts positions so that he’s sitting right next to her. “You’re planning something,” he says. “I’m already worried.”
“Aw, Kris,” she says, and puts both hands over her heart, “I’m hurt - but you’re spot on.” And then she smiles innocently at him - and that has him really worried.
Then he finds himself in awe at the fact that Matt doesn’t at all trip when he bounds down the stairs and reaches them all in a matter of seconds. “Okay, how the hell do you do that?”
“Because he’s excited,” Adam deadpans, and the whole room explodes in laughter. Kris turns his head in Adam’s direction and Adam merely smiles at him.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Adam,” Matt answers as he rests the laptop by the outlet on the bottom of the wall, plugging the charger in and connecting it to the laptop. As soon as his laptop is on, he clicks on his iTunes and presses ‘enter.’ The song that plays is “You Found Me” and Adam is the first to respond.
“What are we supposed to do, Giraud, waltz?”
“No, dumbass, I wanted you to salsa,” Matt bites back before he moves on to the next song. Kris thinks the beat is overly familiar, but he doesn’t recognize it until Adam gasps and sits up, eyes wide in disbelief as Matt goes on to the next song.
“Matt Giraud!” he exclaims with a smile he can hardly contain, then proceeds to stand up, “was that ‘Glamorize’?”
Megan’s laugh is as distinctive as her caw. She gets on her feet and nearly jumps on Matt, who returns to the song after she doesn’t stop poking his side. “Fine,” Matt says, “you happy now?” Megan simply smiles satisfactorily at him; it’s the smile Kris is terrified of.
Allison says, “Oh my God!” as soon as she realizes it’s Adam’s voice singing and Danny is grinning like an idiot, and Anoop is shaking his head and laughing as he helps Scott onto the couch to make room for whoever is going to dance. Lil is trying very hard to control her laughter, Kris immediately failing, as Matt pretends to sulk in the corner, but as soon as Matt settles himself between Lil and Megan, who has taken the seat next to him, he has a light in his eye that makes Kris feel nervous.
“So, Megan,” Matt begins innocently, throwing an arm around her shoulder as Adam’s voice declares Feel my breath-upon your thighs and Danny proceeds to cover Allison’s ear as the song enters the next line, “request for a first dance?”
Well, shit. Kris’ eyes widen as Megan squeals delightedly and throws a look in his general direction; it takes him a moment to realize that Adam is standing next to him, and that her gaze is directed at the standing singer, and not him. Oh.
“I want a solo from Adam,” she says firmly, and this time, Kris is dead sure that she’s looking straight at him.
Adam doesn’t skip a beat. “Why not, doll?” He walks over to the laptop - Kris thinks Adam knows his eyes are trained on him - and stoops down to restart the song. The object of Kris’ fixation straightens himself, looks directly at him, lips slightly pushed out and eyes quite clearly ‘come hither,’ and he gulps as Adam begins to gently sway his hips. Kris can’t breathe as he watches him, sweat beginning to slowly trickle down his temples, and he has to clear his throat once or twice before Adam breaks eye contact and shimmies unashamedly over to Megan, who can’t help but giggle as Adam pulls her up and begins to dance with her.
The spell Adam seems to have cast on him is only broken when he feels a vibration in his pocket and he knows it’s completely possible that it’s Katy’s name flashing repeatedly on the screen of his phone, but when Adam is sinfully shaking his hips to his own voice saying Ravage me, take your time, swallow me, glamorize - Kris can’t even make his eyes focus on Megan, focus on anyone or anything else in the room because his eyes are always drawn back to Adam - and Allison has dissolved into uncontrollable giggles as Matt and Danny wolf-whistle and Anoop is attempting to describe what Adam’s doing to Scott without laughing every other word, Kris finds that he really can’t bring himself to care enough to pick up.
(He can’t deny that Adam spins his head right round, right round.)
Title: Two Catalysts
Author: ilytheira
Pairing: Kradam (Kris Allen/Adam Lambert) with a side of Kris+Matt and Adam+Matt bonding.
Rating: R (because Matt loves dropping cuss words)
Summary: The object of Kris’ fixation straightens himself, looks directly at him, lips slightly pushed out and eyes quite clearly ‘come hither,’ and he gulps as Adam begins to gently sway his hips.
Notes: As with Heartaches and my suggestion to read Seven Minutes before it, I suggest you read Heartaches before reading this one. (: All three ficlets occur after the events in the previous installment, and in the same day. A difference between the previous two and Catalysts is that this one is split only into three parts, and are written in order.
Disclaimer: Neither Kris nor Adam, nor any of the people featured, or any of the songs below, belong to me.
This one’s very, very Kris-centric, and it’s got a whole lot of Matt in here.
Missed the last part? Check out Five Heartaches! :)
I. The Hard Times Fall on Those Who Can Stand | ‘Takin’ It In Stride’ ; Ashley Chambliss
Kris wakes up facing the direction of Adam’s bed only to find him already gone, pillows propped up against the headboard and bed sheets neat, a fresh set of clothes resting on top of them. There is the traditional variety of Adam’s choice of jewelry for later that day, his snakeskin boots beside the bed and ready for action. Adam has a fondness for those boots that he doesn’t quite understand, but to each his own, and he can’t really avoid admitting the fact that they do suit Adam and that he wears them well-very well. He gets out of bed and stretches, running a hand through his hair while shaking his head.
His head hurts the way it always does when he hasn’t gotten enough sleep and his vision is still somewhat blurry as he walks into the restroom. Kris looks at his reflection and sees dark circles growing under his eyes and he releases an exhausted sigh. He’d honestly thought he’d known what he was getting himself into when he audition in Louisville. Within the first week in the Idol mansion, his misconception of only song choices and judges’ critiques being the temporary bane of his existence has been disproved, crumpled up and thrown away. He’s found that song choices he can take care of easily, the judges’ critiques he can take as hard as they can dish, he can even take the public’s constant scrutiny, but the mess that he’s gotten himself into-this, he has to reassess. He turns on the water and lets it run for a moment, the sound roaring in the silence of the bathroom, before he splashes his face, successfully clearing his head, clearing his vision-even if for just a moment. He turns, grabs the nearest face towel-why does he have to keep on accidentally using Adam’s things?-and dries his face before he exits, then proceeds to dig around in his suitcase for jeans and a casual t-shirt to throw on. There’s a knock on his door as he puts his shirt on, then two as he buttons and zippers his jeans, a third as he threads a belt through the loops and what seems to be a half knock as he finishes buckling, three in rapid succession as he pulls on the hem of his shirt, and finally, the door swings open by itself and it’s Matt leaning against the doorframe.
Kris greets Matt’s cheerful smile with a grunt of frustration. “Can’t you give a man some privacy while he’s getting dressed?”
Matt laughs, waves him off, and then crosses his arms. “Oh, don’t pull that shit with me, Allen, we lost our right to privacy when we decided to audition for this show. And, by the way, don’t shoot the messenger-Lil sent me.” He tilts his head. “You coming down to breakfast any time soon, Allen? We’ve been starving.”
He doesn’t know what it is about Matt, but the taller singer’s cheerful disposition is always infectious. “Yeah. Yeah-I was just about to go downstairs.” The last bit of what Matt has said only registers in his mind as Matt says, “Good.”
“Wait-” he says as Matt pushes away from the doorframe and turns to head downstairs, “Matt, you guys haven’t eaten yet?”
Matt shakes his head. “Naw, man. Lil and Megan didn’t want to eat without you, but Adam didn’t want to wake you, either. Said something about you deserving a good sleep.” After he’s said this, he regards Kris with a critical eye and it unnerves the shorter singer. He knows, though, that Matt only has his best intentions in mind as he continues, “You-don’t look sick, man. You all right?”
Kris nods. “Yeah, man, I’m good-just tired. You know how it is. And nervous,” he decides to throw in. It is, after all, elimination night.
Matt appears to understand him perfectly. “Yeah,” he exhales with a light whistle, “me, too.” He shrugs. “What happens, happens, right?” Kris tilts his head in affirmation. Matt straightens himself, then takes a step closer to Kris and puts a supportive hand on his shoulder. “But we can’t let anything happen on an empty stomach, now, can we?” He claps Kris on the back twice, before he turns and continues to walk toward the stairs. “Now hurry up because Lil might send Danny up to come look for us-she made us chocolate chip waffles, by the way, and Adam’s got some of those chocolate-covered strawberries ready-and you know how Lil and Danny get when they’re really hungry.”
Kris laughs because he knows it’s the reaction Matt is looking for, but he also ducks his head while Matt takes the first step down the stairs as he feels the heat rush up his cheeks at the usage of ‘Adam’ and ‘chocolate-covered strawberries’ in the same sentence. He closes the door to the bedroom gently, then falls into step behind Matt. Once they’ve descended and have walked into the dining room, they are greeted by an abundance of laughter and energy. Danny, the first to spot them from his position at the head of the table, calls out, “Took you long enough, Allen! Didn’t your mama teach you not to keep the food waiting?”
“Well,” he answers, clapping Matt on the back, “Matt’s mama didn’t teach him any manners either, so it balances out.” Matt simply laughs at him.
Adam, sitting directly across from Danny and his back to Matt and Kris, noticeably stiffens at the exchange, but his is a speedy recovery. Adam is quick to crane his neck around and smile brightly, albeit forcedly, at the pair of them. “G’morning,” he says quietly, and where Matt breezily strolls by and claps him on the shoulder in response, proceeding to take a seat next to Scott, Kris is left to take the only empty seat, the seat to Adam’s immediate right, does so, and responds with a “Good morning” in a voice no higher than a whisper.
The black-haired singer acknowledges it with a small tilt of his head, a gentle crinkling in the corner of his eyes, before he turns away and engages Megan in soft conversation. Megan looks at him apologetically, but Kris only smiles at her, lips thinned and eyes not quite meeting hers. When she finally turns away from him, he turns to his right and so seamlessly, so effortlessly weaves himself into the “who’s-hotter-than-who?” debate Allison always seems to take pleasure in, because it’s the only way he can distract himself.
He says Christian Bale when she says Orlando Bloom with conviction, and Lil is quick to counter with Brad Pitt, whereupon Matt replies with, “Y’all obviously haven’t seen Hugh Jackman!” Danny laughs and says, “We gotta show some love for Daniel Craig, folks,” to which Scott counters with, “Well, you know, people often seem to swoon over Jonathan Rhys Meyers.”
Scott’s mention of Meyers leads Kris to mentioning Natalie Dormer, because he thinks she’s ridiculously gorgeous, resulting in Matt shaking his head profusely and saying Monica Bellucci, and Danny voicing his undying eternal love for Parker Posey, and hell-who is Kris to argue with that? Lil seems to think Angelina Jolie has a chance, but Allison is quick to challenge her as she brings up Jennifer Aniston.
Kris lets his mind run through the names of the actresses he’s familiar with as Allison brings up Jen’s GQ cover and Lil brings up Angie’s W cover-“Shot by Brad!” she adds triumphantly, almost smugly-and suddenly loses his train of thought as Megan enters the conversation by mentioning Audrey Hepburn. Kris’ eyes widen and he whips his head to the left.
Adam’s plate and eating utensils are gone, and his seat is empty.
Suddenly, he doesn’t feel so up to challenging Famke Janssen, Elizabeth Hurley, Jessica Biel.
(‘Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone’ is the first wry thought to enter his head.)
II. I Don’t Wanna Fall Another Moment Into Your Gravity | ‘Gravity’ ; Sara Bareilles
None of the rest of the nine remaining Idols seem to notice that they aren’t sitting across from or beside each other. Kris is thanking his lucky stars that Megan, sitting to his right, is too enraptured by a conversation with Anoop, sitting across from her, to point anything out, because any further attention directed to the tension between him and Adam would drive him crazy. Beside Anoop is Allison, who is currently squealing about how extremely hot she thinks Joe Jonas is-or whichever one of the Jonas Brothers; whoever she seems to favor depends on her mood, and when it comes to Allison, Kris never knows, anyway-to Danny, who is laughing and shaking his head at her across the table. Scott, beside Allison, is sharing a story with Lil, who is giggling delightedly to his left, and across from her is Matt-who is deeply engaged in a conversation with Adam.
Matt has the grin of the Cheshire cat on his face, the grin he always has when he’s sharing his college experiences, and the look on Adam’s face is bright, with no worry in his eyes whatsoever-it’s the look Adam always has on his face when he’s talking about Fiyero, so even from where he’s seated, Kris can tell that where Matt is most likely talking about frat parties and sorority girls, Adam’s topic du jour is Wicked. That they’re having such a conversation where both parties seem equally interested in the other’s story doesn’t bother Kris at all (or, at least, that’s what he tells himself). What bothers him and makes him frown slightly as he stabs a piece of chicken with his fork and puts it in his mouth is the fact that even from the other end of the table, is that he can tell that Adam’s smile is not as carefree as he wants Matt to believe. Kris notices the tightness at the corner of his mouth, notices the way Adam is fighting to smooth said tightness out before Matt can take note of it.
Kris tilts his head down and focuses his gaze on the varying shades of green his salad has as he attempts to drown out everyone else’s conversations: He’s heard Allison go on and on about Joe and Zac Efron and, oh, he doesn’t know, Chace Crawford or someone, xoxo, he isn’t even close to giving a damn right now. He’s heard Scott tell the stories of how he learned such-and-such song, he doesn’t need to hear him tell it to Lil another three times. He’s heard Megan share the stories about her child’s first words or the first time he hit himself on the head with a toy, he doesn’t need to her the fifteenth rendition of it that she’s giving Anoop. Now, he’s always been a mama’s boy and his mother has always told him that eavesdropping is impolite and improper and should not be done under any circumstances, but when Matt is laughing as Adam recites his favorite Fiyero line-it’s “Maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant go” and Kris has it memorized down to the inflections, down to the facial expressions, down to the certain tilt of the head and the raising of the eyebrow, it’s certainly the one conversation he wouldn’t mind having over and over and over again-
“Hey, man, are you all right?”
Kris doesn’t think he’s loathed the sound of Danny’s voice this much, ever, doesn’t even think he’s loathed the sound of Danny’s voice at all before. He cringes, bites his lip, then looks up the same moment everyone’s conversations come to a stop-Matt and Adam’s, too-and eight pairs of curious eyes swivel his direction; Adam is too busy looking at the spaghetti with bacon and marinara sauce on his plate.
“Yeah - yeah, o’course, man.” He laughs weakly. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Kris, you haven’t touched your food ever since it got on your plate,” Lil says, and even though he knows he’s eaten a few bites and that she’s completely over-exaggerating, he’s not particularly up to defending himself and cuts her off quickly by stuffing chicken in his mouth.
She looks at him with an expression that clearly said you’ve got to be kidding me, and he nods at her and swallows the salad. Although the leaves are probably only as thick as three sheets of paper stacked on top of each other and the wonton chips are slightly soggy from the length of time it’s been soaked in sesame vinaigrette, he feels as though bread and gravy and mashed potatoes have been stuffed down his throat. He swallows another time, and then grabs his glass of orange juice and drinks from it. He finishes, sets his glass down, and then smiles. “See? I’m good.”
“So-who do you think you’re fooling, Kris?” Megan’s smile is bright and the tone of her voice is exaggeratedly, gratingly chipper like she’s the host of some game show, but her eyes are narrowed and vicious and she’s clearly out for blood (he can see Who Wants To Ruin Kris Allen’s Life? written in flashing neon lights already, can envision the audience that would certainly go and watch it).
“’M not trying to fool anyone,” he says in between another three bites of his salad. He’s waiting for her to say Is that your final answer, and he’s ready to fire back with No deal, wherein she might say Survey says-you are the biggest douchebag to ever walk the earth, and he would retort with What is-Megan, stay the hell out of this? “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Well, yeah,” Matt quips, “c’mon, Kris, we know you’re a hot piece of ass and all, but how are you-fucking shit, Adam, that hurt!”
Kris can see Adam throw the other singer a sidelong, almost exasperated glare before he switches expressions-for a moment, Kris is envying Adam’s theater experience; he’s above and beyond them all in character transition-and his smile turns sheepish and his eyes apologetic as he says “My bad, I must’ve stepped on his foot by accident” to Lil’s admonishment of “Matt, language! And what did you do to him, Adam?”
“Stepped on my foot by accident?” Matt says incredulously, standing up and raising his hands in the air; Kris leads the rest of the Idols in laughing at his antics. “The heel of your damn snakeskin boot was so hard on my toes, I might not even be able to walk-dammit, Adam, stop that, I’m not a fucking ‘welcome home’ doormat, ow!”
“Matthew Scott Giraud-!”
“-I’m sorry, mother, don’t hurt me!”
Kris turns his eyes to Adam, who seems to have felt it and turns his way, and the look in his eyes is almost apologetic and leaves him absolutely flabbergasted, before Adam looks away to look up at Matt and shake his head, mouthing, “You’re an idiot.”
Immediately, Kris finds himself willing to give something anything everything if it meant Adam would call him names, any name, Kris, idiot, dumbass, hell, he’d be okay with any jabs about his height, his hair, his jaw, something, anything, everything.
(He's spending every ounce of willpower in an attempt not to twist his wedding band.)
III. Faith and Desire and the Swing of Your Hips | ‘Come On Get Higher’ ; Matt Nathanson
After they’ve said their goodbyes to their families-Kris had found a slight stiffness with Katy unavoidable as he hugged her then stared at Adam throwing an arm around Paul over her shoulder-and have been driven back to their mansion, the remaining Idols gather in the living room, nine only for one more night. Kris has taken over the loveseat, propping his head up against the armrest and stretching his legs, curling them in when Megan decides to sit by him, letting him rest his feet in her lap. On the other loveseat situated directly across from them, Danny and Allison are sharing the cushioned seats while below them, Scott and Anoop sit comfortably on the carpet. On the couch positioned in between them, Lil sits on the side closest to Megan, Adam in the same position Kris is. Kris is trying his best not to look at Adam through the corner of his eye, but is failing miserably: Without even a slight tilt of his head, he can see that Adam has his arms up on the armrest, leaning back and resting his head on his forearms, his eyes closed and a lazy smile plastered on his face, and even with Lil somewhat blocking his view, every time she moves in response to something or other that Allison’s said, he sees a flash of pale skin-his shirt is riding up again-and his mind can’t help but go through a slideshow of snapshots of Adam on top him.
In the center of them all is Matt, lying face-up and body spread-eagle with his eyes closed, looking so peaceful, so comfortable on the carpet, it’s almost as if he’s sleeping. They’re sitting around, simply enjoying one another’s company, a nice silence interrupted only by Matt’s quipping every once in a while to Adam’s hushed comments or Danny’s supposed rhetorical questions, or by Anoop attempting (and failing, in Kris’ humble opinion) to reenact to Scott whatever apparently hilarious conversation he had with one of his friends, making exaggerated hand gestures so wild that for a moment, while Scott is laughing and nodding, Kris almost thinks the blind singer can actually see them. It’s the way they’re supposed to be and Kris knows it-no tension with their respective roommates, no awkwardness toward anyone and their harmless, innocent questions, no uncomfortable avoidances at the breakfast table, nothing like that.
It’s a silence Kris will happily relive again, a silence that shatters as Matt springs up so fast it’s got to be inhuman, startling Allison, who squeals; Anoop, who looks as though he’d jumped out of his skin, eyes wide in surprise before he laughs it off; and Megan, who flinches then exclaims, “Whoa, Giraud, where’s the fire?”
He grins sheepishly at her. “I honestly don’t get why we’re just sitting here. We should be doing something fun.”
Kris doesn’t move from his position, but tilts his head and watches Adam open one of his eyes and look lethargically at Matt, who seems to be waiting for his response with bated breath. “Fun?” he repeats slowly, and Kris has to forcibly stop his body from shivering, because the tone of Adam’s voice is just too damn low and seductive and he can’t help but think that it’s the same voice Adam’s used with him once before, twice before. Adam relaxes his arms, letting them casually drop and cross on his stomach, opens his other eye, and proceeds to rearrange himself so that he is half sitting up and his feet are no longer on Lil’s lap; his eyes flicker quickly to Kris, whose breath hitches in his throat because it’s the same look Adam had when they’d been left alone in the kitchen with a bowl of strawberries dipped in chocolate so Kris knows without a doubt that there’s something going on, before he turns them again to Matt. “Doll, I’d love to play strip poker with you, but Allison isn’t old enough and I’m quite sorry to say that Scott won’t be able to appreciate you once you’ve lost the game-and your clothes.”
Everyone laughs-Allison actually manages a “Hey-hey, what?” before she’s overcome by giggles-and Kris laughs with them because it’s his reflexes kicking in and he doesn’t want to raise any questions and because he knows there’s something behind that look Adam has just given him.
“Aw, darn.” Matt goes along with the joke fabulously, snapping his fingers in disappointment, and Kris is watching their banter almost enviously. Then he laughs, louder and heartier than the rest of them. “No shit, Lambert, I’m not playing strip poker in this house! Allen over there can barely keep his hands off me as it is!”
Kris sits up so fast Megan flinches again, then turns to look back at him with an amused gaze. “Says the one who’s throwing himself onto someone like a rag doll!” he fires back.
“Only ’cause you won’t, honey,” Matt says in his best imitation of Lil, voice high and his hands on his hips, and Kris, although his cheeks are tainted pink and he really can’t come up with a comeback because it’s pretty much the truth, has to laugh.
Danny is guffawing so hard, Kris doesn’t know he can do it and talk at the same time. “Strip poker aside”-and as he wipes tears from his eyes, Adam snorts and shakes his head, a feline grin on his face-“what’d you seriously have in mind, Giraud?”
Matt tones himself down somewhat. “I just thought, hey, Megan’s a fun-lovin’ girl, why don’t we have some fun before she leaves us?”
Megan looks at him suspiciously. “Giraud, I don’t like the way you said ‘fun.’”
“It’s completely innocent, I swear.”
“Not when you’re giving me that look with your eyebrow like that, it’s not.”
“Let the poor guy finish,” Adam says with a chuckle.
“Thank you!” Matt throws his arm up in mock exasperation. “Finally, someone defends me!” And before anyone else can say anything, he continues, “I was just going to suggest blasting some music and dancing, you know?” He pauses, and the pause gives Kris the chance to think about Adam and Megan dancing to Rihanna only weeks before, and blush while doing so. “Although I really wouldn’t be opposed to the strip poker idea.” There is a collective no from the eight other Idols, and he laughs and waves them off. “Just kidding - I am serious about the dancing, though, you guys.”
“You know?” Megan claps her hands and jumps off of the seat, eyes wide and smile megawatt. “That’s not a bad idea at all, Matt, ’s the best thing you’ve said all night!”
It worries Kris that Matt doesn’t even try to defend himself, settling for nodding at Megan with a devilish look in his eyes then dashing off and up the stars to retrieve his Mac. Megan sits down, expression smug and satisfied, and Kris shifts positions so that he’s sitting right next to her. “You’re planning something,” he says. “I’m already worried.”
“Aw, Kris,” she says, and puts both hands over her heart, “I’m hurt - but you’re spot on.” And then she smiles innocently at him - and that has him really worried.
Then he finds himself in awe at the fact that Matt doesn’t at all trip when he bounds down the stairs and reaches them all in a matter of seconds. “Okay, how the hell do you do that?”
“Because he’s excited,” Adam deadpans, and the whole room explodes in laughter. Kris turns his head in Adam’s direction and Adam merely smiles at him.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Adam,” Matt answers as he rests the laptop by the outlet on the bottom of the wall, plugging the charger in and connecting it to the laptop. As soon as his laptop is on, he clicks on his iTunes and presses ‘enter.’ The song that plays is “You Found Me” and Adam is the first to respond.
“What are we supposed to do, Giraud, waltz?”
“No, dumbass, I wanted you to salsa,” Matt bites back before he moves on to the next song. Kris thinks the beat is overly familiar, but he doesn’t recognize it until Adam gasps and sits up, eyes wide in disbelief as Matt goes on to the next song.
“Matt Giraud!” he exclaims with a smile he can hardly contain, then proceeds to stand up, “was that ‘Glamorize’?”
Megan’s laugh is as distinctive as her caw. She gets on her feet and nearly jumps on Matt, who returns to the song after she doesn’t stop poking his side. “Fine,” Matt says, “you happy now?” Megan simply smiles satisfactorily at him; it’s the smile Kris is terrified of.
Allison says, “Oh my God!” as soon as she realizes it’s Adam’s voice singing and Danny is grinning like an idiot, and Anoop is shaking his head and laughing as he helps Scott onto the couch to make room for whoever is going to dance. Lil is trying very hard to control her laughter, Kris immediately failing, as Matt pretends to sulk in the corner, but as soon as Matt settles himself between Lil and Megan, who has taken the seat next to him, he has a light in his eye that makes Kris feel nervous.
“So, Megan,” Matt begins innocently, throwing an arm around her shoulder as Adam’s voice declares Feel my breath-upon your thighs and Danny proceeds to cover Allison’s ear as the song enters the next line, “request for a first dance?”
Well, shit. Kris’ eyes widen as Megan squeals delightedly and throws a look in his general direction; it takes him a moment to realize that Adam is standing next to him, and that her gaze is directed at the standing singer, and not him. Oh.
“I want a solo from Adam,” she says firmly, and this time, Kris is dead sure that she’s looking straight at him.
Adam doesn’t skip a beat. “Why not, doll?” He walks over to the laptop - Kris thinks Adam knows his eyes are trained on him - and stoops down to restart the song. The object of Kris’ fixation straightens himself, looks directly at him, lips slightly pushed out and eyes quite clearly ‘come hither,’ and he gulps as Adam begins to gently sway his hips. Kris can’t breathe as he watches him, sweat beginning to slowly trickle down his temples, and he has to clear his throat once or twice before Adam breaks eye contact and shimmies unashamedly over to Megan, who can’t help but giggle as Adam pulls her up and begins to dance with her.
The spell Adam seems to have cast on him is only broken when he feels a vibration in his pocket and he knows it’s completely possible that it’s Katy’s name flashing repeatedly on the screen of his phone, but when Adam is sinfully shaking his hips to his own voice saying Ravage me, take your time, swallow me, glamorize - Kris can’t even make his eyes focus on Megan, focus on anyone or anything else in the room because his eyes are always drawn back to Adam - and Allison has dissolved into uncontrollable giggles as Matt and Danny wolf-whistle and Anoop is attempting to describe what Adam’s doing to Scott without laughing every other word, Kris finds that he really can’t bring himself to care enough to pick up.
(He can’t deny that Adam spins his head right round, right round.)