this blows monkey balls
so here i am its 3am and i missed robbie by an hour..yay me.. and guess who im talking to lauren guess guess...it starts with war and ends with pickle! lol and josh but it seems like me and josh are not so talkie talkie just more like uh huh's and yeah's ... could be worse lol...so why is it i cant talk to any of my guy friends anymore...? i cant even walk into the same room with dee-dee and i've known him since i can remember knowing ppl? i dunno dee-dee's a bad example cuz i couldnt walk in a room with him in it to begin with.. um i dont have any other examples tho... so the other night im going thru the taco bell drive thru and this guy that was givin me my food(which no lauren it wasnt chris nun. lol) and he goes "wow those are ur pants i thought ur legs were that tan!" i was like "no im glow in the dark white..." i got to greenbrier (steph was with me telling me he was hittin on me which is like the second time i've been hit on that day..) and i was like no he wasnt hitting on me...but why was he looking at my pants?! ok night before i went thru and saw chris took him alot of waves to realize it was me...not surprised i only almost broke his ribs ON TOTAL ACCIDENT i might add :D. so i go back so i can talk to him its like 230 in the am and i go thru the drive thru and its not chris its sum guy and he's like "well goodnight...erm uhm i mean good morning i guess it depends on who u are?" totally word stepping and making eyes at me i was like "jesus im never going thru a damn drive thru again i dont need this shit if i wanna be hit on i'll dress up nice and go dancing"(which lauren...when u get here i dont wanna be hit on but i wanna go dancing beehutch u owe it to me :( )*tries to think if anything else good's happened lately* i came to realization that maybe i do deserve to be treated right and things with david now are rocky as shit..i wake up getting cussed at for letting him know its his turn with dj i go to sleep getting cussed at cuz im a horrible person and in the middle of the day i get cussed at for being gone too long...i know if things dont get any better ima leave him again... and this'll be the last time and dj's coming with me i just...i dont wanna be alone..and i dont wanna live with my mom... but i cant be with anybody cuz realistically either the person that wants me cant be with me or nobody wants me... i dunno im keeping my head up looking for the right guy that's gonna treat me like i should be treated and treat dj right... but im so emotionally damaged i dont think im meant for anybody cuz if i was.. why would i just help ppl know they can love and move on or push them away? its stupid... have i mentioned i hate being me and ppl suck... back on subject if i am meant for anybody maybe they'll wake up and tell me or work their shit out so they can have me? or hell maybe i'll just spend my life with david and not be happy...hell its all the same these days... lauren i miss u btw..on ur way back can u pick up robbie so someone will cuddle with me at night?! i get no cuddles ... i dunno there's my reality check for this week..and here's my fantasy life ...being happy being with someone who loves me being with someone who wont leave me for my best friend and being able to be me without having to say im sorry for it oh and not being made feel like im not pretty enough for anybody to want me..im hella sexy damnit... bahumbug someone love me?
cherry
cherry