Comments | usedpoisongas: TEST CHAMBER 1 [voice/text, action for New Bark]

usedpoisongas

TEST CHAMBER 1 [voice/text, action for New Bark]

Apr 20, 2011 21:12

[ The following words appear typed on the screen at the same rate as they come out of the speaker. ]You know, I suppose I never did give humans quite enough credit. This bipedal structure is abnormally difficult to navigate in. I guess that for a species that decided to evolve in this incredibly inefficient and pointless way, you deserve some ( Read more... )

stupid human limitations, not contemplating murder, @new bark, sarcasm self-test complete, !voice/text, surprises

Comments 119

[Voice] killer_sweets April 21 2011, 01:35:27 UTC

[Well someone wasn't subtle with their killing intent, hello GLaDOS here's a mini assassin.]

Sorry Lady, your in a long line of people that want to kill the person responsible.

[Voice/Text] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 05:46:53 UTC

I made no mention of killing. I just have a surprise for them.

Can you provide more information?

[Voice] killer_sweets April 21 2011, 05:53:29 UTC

Well then I'm going to guess that surprise involves torturing them. Not that I would stop you anyway.

Sure I have information. This place is called Johto, your probably in dinky town called New Bark. I'm going to guess you were some sort of computer before this. Your weren't the only one non-human that got change into one.

[Voice/Text] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 06:22:39 UTC

You are remarkably unhelpful when it comes to being informative. Only one fact that you have provided is unknown. I bet you can't even figure out which one. I'll give you a hint.

Who can I speak to to discuss how and why I was changed into a human?

Thread 19

[video] bakaitoukid April 21 2011, 03:12:55 UTC

What kinda language is that...

What were you before coming here, a computer?

[voice/text] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 05:53:16 UTC

A simple computer? Please. I am a supercomputer designed to oversee the Enrichment Center and provide testing assistance.

[voice/text] bakaitoukid April 21 2011, 06:28:18 UTC

Computer, supercomptuer... close enough.

The heck is the Enrichment Center?

[voice/text] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 17:39:21 UTC

The Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center is a testing ground. For science.

Thread 18

[ video ] uuing April 21 2011, 09:19:13 UTC

Uu, there are lions around here! Sakutaro is here, and he's a real lion! ... Uu, well, he's a lion cub, but still a lion..

[ Yeah, she just didn't understand the rest of the broadcast. ]

[ voice/text ] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 17:50:24 UTC

If a lion abandons his children, he is sentencing them to death. Does your lion cub have a father? Male lions kill any cubs that aren't their own children. It's to convince their mothers that they need to reproduce again and have him as their mate.

[ video ] uuing April 22 2011, 20:19:32 UTC

U-uu.. Sakutaro doesn't have a Papa.. Sakutaro just has a Mama, since he was made by Mama just for Maria!

[ video ] usedpoisongas April 25 2011, 03:56:53 UTC

Well. Maybe he should get one. Or not, because then he would be killed. Such a predicament.

Thread 26

[voice] sharkfoodbound April 21 2011, 10:32:14 UTC

We're not as inefficient as you'd think. Oh, and good luck having whoever is causing this come to you, it's not that common an approach, since most people go looking for them instead... there must be hundreds out and about, searching.

Shame you're keeping your surprise to yourself, because I'm not sure you'll ever get to make good on it.

[voice/text] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 17:55:20 UTC

I plan on making good on my surprise. Luckily it doesn't need to be right now. I can wait just as long as they can.

Oh, and this isn't about what I think. I know. I know exactly how inefficient you all are.

[voice] sharkfoodbound April 21 2011, 18:15:49 UTC

In a human body, patience is finite, you know.

And how'd you find that out?

[voice/text] usedpoisongas April 25 2011, 04:07:15 UTC

We have performed very extensive testing to find the exact limits of the human body and mind under every natural and many unnatural circumstance. Did you know that the ability of humans to solve puzzles is reduced by an average of 96% while traveling through a churning tunnel of liquid asbestos?

Thread 29

[voice] justicereigns April 21 2011, 16:09:47 UTC

Oh, there's probably a lion pokemon somewhere.

So what were you before becoming a human here?

[voice/text] usedpoisongas April 21 2011, 18:00:58 UTC

I'm a supercomputer. In simple terms, it means I'm smarter than any one or ten of your human brains combined.

[voice/text] justicereigns April 22 2011, 02:40:32 UTC

Not anymore since you're human.

[voice/text] usedpoisongas April 25 2011, 04:12:39 UTC

It seems that almost all of my undamaged memory banks and most of my processing power still remain even when limited to a state like this. While I no longer have access to my external libraries, the fact remains that I am still using all of my brain as oppose to only the 10% that you humans use while letting the rest just sit around turning to mush.

Thread 25