(no subject)
i know its been a while, but i feel like there is no where to share my thoughts without idle gossip happening. so here it goes.
things on my mind:
-colin
-making out with tyler tonight
-feeling like im leading tyler on
-wish i could fall asleep
i like tyler, but after seeing him tonight he started talking about wanting to go out on a "date" this week (movie/dinner/bowling) and of course i agreed cause it sounds like fun, (UPDATE: he just texted me and it was super cute) and then talking about meeting eachothers friends.......ugh....i just do NOT want a boyfriend right now....I don't. BUT I am having A LOT of fun (not just sexual so get your mind out of the gutter) so I am conflicted. I hope I am not leading him on....Im really bad at that. I just have a lot of love to give.
ALSO, i feel like a manwhore a bit due to my recent sexcapades this last month. I have been all over the board since new years.
-scott
-jason
-james
-austin
-tyler
and thats just in a month.....
i feel kinda dirty about it on one hand, then the other side is like "YOU HAVNT BEEN SINGLE IN FOREVER! LIVE IT UP!"
i really do love all the male attention im getting lately, it really helps with the worst breakup of my life.
which brings us to our next point: colin
oh boy...
he has not been on my mind as much as he was, but things will happen that bring him to the surface.
earlier when i got home from the bar, i thought i had lost my fake wedding ring at the bar, and started crying because its something i have that is a reminder of me and colins lost love and i thought i was an idiot and lost it.
stuff like that STILL gets to me.
i wish he would stop hating me. and im not exaggerating when i say "hate", because he specifically said "hate" in a recent email he randomly sent me.
everytime i think of Colin, my whole inner self swells with pain and regret and guilt, but mostly sadness. this whole breakup is so fucking sad.
i just needed to get that all out so my mind could hopefully calm down a bit so i can sleep.
thank you for listening.
things on my mind:
-colin
-making out with tyler tonight
-feeling like im leading tyler on
-wish i could fall asleep
i like tyler, but after seeing him tonight he started talking about wanting to go out on a "date" this week (movie/dinner/bowling) and of course i agreed cause it sounds like fun, (UPDATE: he just texted me and it was super cute) and then talking about meeting eachothers friends.......ugh....i just do NOT want a boyfriend right now....I don't. BUT I am having A LOT of fun (not just sexual so get your mind out of the gutter) so I am conflicted. I hope I am not leading him on....Im really bad at that. I just have a lot of love to give.
ALSO, i feel like a manwhore a bit due to my recent sexcapades this last month. I have been all over the board since new years.
-scott
-jason
-james
-austin
-tyler
and thats just in a month.....
i feel kinda dirty about it on one hand, then the other side is like "YOU HAVNT BEEN SINGLE IN FOREVER! LIVE IT UP!"
i really do love all the male attention im getting lately, it really helps with the worst breakup of my life.
which brings us to our next point: colin
oh boy...
he has not been on my mind as much as he was, but things will happen that bring him to the surface.
earlier when i got home from the bar, i thought i had lost my fake wedding ring at the bar, and started crying because its something i have that is a reminder of me and colins lost love and i thought i was an idiot and lost it.
stuff like that STILL gets to me.
i wish he would stop hating me. and im not exaggerating when i say "hate", because he specifically said "hate" in a recent email he randomly sent me.
everytime i think of Colin, my whole inner self swells with pain and regret and guilt, but mostly sadness. this whole breakup is so fucking sad.
i just needed to get that all out so my mind could hopefully calm down a bit so i can sleep.
thank you for listening.