can't even begin
sometimes, i hate having feelings. they're so difficult to deal with. sometimes, they're hard to even define. and love... love is the most complicated of them all...
i don't understand how you could love someone so deeply and not even be sure if they love you that deeply in return. i've asked but i never get a straight answer and it concerns me. after three years, has it just come to be something that he's just comfortable with? he loves me because i'm there but he's severed those feelings of true love? i annoy him but he can't just leave because we've had too many good times. that's not an excuse. because it's not about how you used to feel for a person. it's how you feel for that person today.
today: would you cry for him? would you bleed for him? would you make him smile when you know he needed it? would you embarass yourself just make him laugh? would you put everything on the line for him? would you cry with him? would you love him no matter what anyone else thought? would you give your life to him? would you give your life for him?
i've thought about it long and hard and i would. i fell in love so hard that i don't know if i could ever dig myself out of it. it's not just my head in it. it's not just my heart. i love him with every fiber of my being, with every breath that i take, with every moment that i live, i feel it's for him. yet, i don't know his end of it because for one reason or another, he can't expose that much to me. it stirs something so far down inside that i can't put my finger on it. it's a mixture of hurt and anger, sadness and love. i don't know where it comes from or what to call it but i feel it. it's real.
all i could ever ask for is for him to love me the way that i love him. i don't want 100% of his time. just a few hours a week. i don't need every second to be about our relationship but it'd be nice if he showed me that he appreciates all that i do for him. i don't want to be his queen. i want to be his equal. i want to be what he needs me to be. but i don't even know if it's worth trying for to him. i just want to be loved with the same passion that i offer. i know he can't feel exactly the same let alone show it in the same way... we all do it differently. but i don't want to just be his shadow. i don't want to have to fight for something that he doesn't feel is worth it.
I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be your mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
I don't want to be the sweeper of the egg shells that you walk upon
And I don't want to be your other half, I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face
At midnight, hey
What are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart
And it's wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
alanis morrisette
i don't understand how you could love someone so deeply and not even be sure if they love you that deeply in return. i've asked but i never get a straight answer and it concerns me. after three years, has it just come to be something that he's just comfortable with? he loves me because i'm there but he's severed those feelings of true love? i annoy him but he can't just leave because we've had too many good times. that's not an excuse. because it's not about how you used to feel for a person. it's how you feel for that person today.
today: would you cry for him? would you bleed for him? would you make him smile when you know he needed it? would you embarass yourself just make him laugh? would you put everything on the line for him? would you cry with him? would you love him no matter what anyone else thought? would you give your life to him? would you give your life for him?
i've thought about it long and hard and i would. i fell in love so hard that i don't know if i could ever dig myself out of it. it's not just my head in it. it's not just my heart. i love him with every fiber of my being, with every breath that i take, with every moment that i live, i feel it's for him. yet, i don't know his end of it because for one reason or another, he can't expose that much to me. it stirs something so far down inside that i can't put my finger on it. it's a mixture of hurt and anger, sadness and love. i don't know where it comes from or what to call it but i feel it. it's real.
all i could ever ask for is for him to love me the way that i love him. i don't want 100% of his time. just a few hours a week. i don't need every second to be about our relationship but it'd be nice if he showed me that he appreciates all that i do for him. i don't want to be his queen. i want to be his equal. i want to be what he needs me to be. but i don't even know if it's worth trying for to him. i just want to be loved with the same passion that i offer. i know he can't feel exactly the same let alone show it in the same way... we all do it differently. but i don't want to just be his shadow. i don't want to have to fight for something that he doesn't feel is worth it.
I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be your mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
I don't want to be the sweeper of the egg shells that you walk upon
And I don't want to be your other half, I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face
At midnight, hey
What are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart
And it's wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
alanis morrisette