My mind runs. I can't catch it, even if I got a head start.
My heart hurts.
I can't seem to get my thoughts still. I am trying really hard to focus on everything but him. I deleted everything I could today.
Why am I having such a hard time handling this? What does he have that someone else doesn't have? I can probably do so much better, but for some reason he has a hold on me.
I want so badly to forget. I want so desperately to fix things. I can't however have either. I am left alone, upset, heartbroken, and feeling like I am less of a person that I used to be.
I'm so tired. I'm so tired of blaming myself, of beating myself up over this. WHY CAN'T I BE OK? I'm so broken. So far beyond repair. I have no idea where to even begin to fix myself.
I'm finding it hard to type this due to the fact that my hands are shaking. My eyes are blurry so I took my glasses off. Tears and such. I have to keep pausing and just breathing.
This has all caught up to me. I ran from it as long as I could, but two nights ago it hit really fucking hard. I lost my best friend, my boyfriend, my fiance, the love of my life. Everyone says you always have one relationship you wish you had fixed. You always have one relationship that you look back on and miss. I don't want this. I want it fixed. Is that so much to ask?
I made a mistake. The worst part of this is, I'm the one who was hurt the most. I'm shattered. Devastated. I have no idea what to do. So I cry. Crying seems to help, but I'm so tired. I would give anything for this to be ok. I did everything I could. I was told he's not good enough. I was told I can do so much better. Okay. So I can, but I don't want to.
I have been talking to a boy. I constantly talk about Vince. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? He told me this "You really need to stop comparing everyone to Vince." I didn't know I was doing it. I can't help it. I'm scared, I'm hurt, traumatized over everything that happened. I am not ready for a relationship. I'm not ready to be with anyone else. My heart clearly isn't ok. My self-worth has be reduced to nothing. I was honest. I said I wasn't capable of giving this person a relationship. I'm not. I still have so much faith in Vince. I keep waiting for him to say, "I'm sorry Stacey. We'll be ok." Delusional. It's never going to happen.
Vince was so perfect. So funny, sarcastic, made me smile, made me feel wanted for a long while, and now? What? Now I'm scared. Is everyone like this? I refuse to ever fall for someone again. I'm going to just end up just as damaged. Fuck that. I refuse to play this game again. I'm not willing to gamble with my heart. I can't handle it. I want nothing to do with it.
Fuck I can't finish this. I'm going to be sick. Way too anxious right now and I need a tissue majorly. I just want my honeybee.
I can't seem to get my thoughts still. I am trying really hard to focus on everything but him. I deleted everything I could today.
Why am I having such a hard time handling this? What does he have that someone else doesn't have? I can probably do so much better, but for some reason he has a hold on me.
I want so badly to forget. I want so desperately to fix things. I can't however have either. I am left alone, upset, heartbroken, and feeling like I am less of a person that I used to be.
I'm so tired. I'm so tired of blaming myself, of beating myself up over this. WHY CAN'T I BE OK? I'm so broken. So far beyond repair. I have no idea where to even begin to fix myself.
I'm finding it hard to type this due to the fact that my hands are shaking. My eyes are blurry so I took my glasses off. Tears and such. I have to keep pausing and just breathing.
This has all caught up to me. I ran from it as long as I could, but two nights ago it hit really fucking hard. I lost my best friend, my boyfriend, my fiance, the love of my life. Everyone says you always have one relationship you wish you had fixed. You always have one relationship that you look back on and miss. I don't want this. I want it fixed. Is that so much to ask?
I made a mistake. The worst part of this is, I'm the one who was hurt the most. I'm shattered. Devastated. I have no idea what to do. So I cry. Crying seems to help, but I'm so tired. I would give anything for this to be ok. I did everything I could. I was told he's not good enough. I was told I can do so much better. Okay. So I can, but I don't want to.
I have been talking to a boy. I constantly talk about Vince. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? He told me this "You really need to stop comparing everyone to Vince." I didn't know I was doing it. I can't help it. I'm scared, I'm hurt, traumatized over everything that happened. I am not ready for a relationship. I'm not ready to be with anyone else. My heart clearly isn't ok. My self-worth has be reduced to nothing. I was honest. I said I wasn't capable of giving this person a relationship. I'm not. I still have so much faith in Vince. I keep waiting for him to say, "I'm sorry Stacey. We'll be ok." Delusional. It's never going to happen.
Vince was so perfect. So funny, sarcastic, made me smile, made me feel wanted for a long while, and now? What? Now I'm scared. Is everyone like this? I refuse to ever fall for someone again. I'm going to just end up just as damaged. Fuck that. I refuse to play this game again. I'm not willing to gamble with my heart. I can't handle it. I want nothing to do with it.
Fuck I can't finish this. I'm going to be sick. Way too anxious right now and I need a tissue majorly. I just want my honeybee.