Closure

[usaresistance]

So the day before yesterday, i told my X i was done talking with her entirely (for the second time). I don't know what i was thinking about allowing her back into my life and trying to hang out, but it wasn't what i know to be right. I started getting really anti-social again, missing her all the time, feeling depressed again, but at least this

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Other Signs I forgot

[usaresistance]

Anyhow, on January 10th, Drea's, my X, birthday, i saw a caterpillar making a coccoon. Well, about 6 days ago, i saw that coccoon open, the fresh little butterflies (there were two total) sitting there drying their wings in the sunshine. It was also this time, or around this time, i decided to stop communication for good with my X, or at least for a long while. I went to do something for a moment, and when i came back, the butterflies were gone... it was like they just hung around long enough for me to see them hatch in their new, beautiful forms, ready to fly. It kinda reminded me of my X, as she is so much more of a beautiful person now than she was when we met. I am glad i was a part of that. I wondered about the symbolism of that and why i was shown this miraculous change in the insect world; was it that Drea flew away when she finished her metamorphosis? Was it that i should be happy that she is happy and let go of my attachments to her? I don't know what it meant, yet butterflies are beautiful regardless. (February 2nd)

And last week, the day after me and Drea hung out, i lost the scarf her grandma made for her, something she left here that i wear all the time... the only thing she gave me i wear all the time lately. I found that kinda ironic that this disappeared when it did, when i was thinking this whole friends thing was not good for me.

Another thing i noticed was that i tend to do fucked up things to myself, make myself sadder and more pitiful, in hopes she will rescue me. That is NOT GOOD AT ALL for me, and this is another reason we can't be friends now or anytime soon.