'Tis the Season - Ch. 2
Title: 'Tis the Season
Chapter: 2; "What Christmas is All About"
Fandom: Tales of Symphonia
Character(s): Zelos Wilder
Genre: Angst, drama, friendship, family, little bits of romance
Rating: K+/PG
Disclaimers: Tales of Symphonia © Namco
Notes: My first Christmas story in a long time. I wrote this mainly because I really liked Zelos' character and back story, and I was surprised with other Tales of Symphonia Christmas stories that didn't have Zelos trying to celebrate Christmas while dealing with his past. Plus, Zelos is the only main character whose past isn't revealed to the other characters in the game. Only Lloyd ever finds out about it, and that's only an optional scene. It's quite a long story, though, longer than I expected it to be. But I hope you guys like it anyway! Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
Summary: Zelos wished for the same thing every year, but stopped believing he'd ever get it. Will he finally get his wish? It's possible, for what better time for a miracle than Christmas?
[Chapter 1]
~*~*~*~
The snowman collapsed in a pile of slush…He fell against the cold ground…He looked up, blinking as red snow began to fall…
A heavy pressure on top of him…His heart beating quickly in horror…His mother's blood staining the snow red around them…
Screaming…crying…calling for help…His mother reaching for him…her hand on his cheek…Blood touching her lips as she whispered…
It would have been better if you hadn't been born…
Her hand fell limp…More screaming that he never heard…Frozen as he stared at the tainted snow around, and his mother's words continued to echo in his mind…
It would have been better if you hadn't been born…
oOoOo
Zelos bolted upright, gasping for air as he looked around frantically, his vision blurred by leftover tears. Realizing he was still in his bedroom, he sighed slowly, releasing his tight grip on the sheets to brush crimson strands from his sweat-slicked forehead.
He really shouldn't have been surprised that he'd had that old dream. Even though he managed to avoid telling that story to the others the previous night, it didn't stop him from thinking about it, even after everyone had finally called it a night and went to bed. It was the last thing on his mind when he went to sleep, so of course he'd been forced to dream about it through the night, and it was the first thing he thought of when he woke up. It only made sense.
Still…he was never prepared to have that dream…to relive that moment in his memories…
Honestly, he kind of wished that he could be one of those people who forgot about traumatic events like that; those people who repressed such a horrific memory and wouldn't remember it for a long time, if at all. But obviously he wasn't so lucky.
Rubbing away whatever slumber remained from his eyes (because he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back to sleep after that), he glanced out his window and sighed. Figures it would still be snowing. He knew there were probably a lot of people who hoped to wake up on Christmas morning to find new-fallen snow.
To him, though, it only reaffirmed that someone in the universe hated him.
With a sigh, Zelos slid out of bed and grabbed a nearby green robe, slipping it on as he headed out of his bedroom. Maybe one of the others was awake, and he'd at least have someone to bother and not think about what was going on outside. After all, misery loves company.
But he didn't even have that to look forward to as he arrived in the main living room only to find it empty, and the echoing silence continued to hold the rest of the house in peaceful slumber. Grumbling a little to himself, Zelos debated whether to head back to the warmth of his bed and just lie there until the others woke, or start making some breakfast for himself.
In the middle of his plans, though, he paused just as he was passing the doors that led out back, watching the crystal flakes continue to fall. Unsure of what suddenly came over him, and quite unable to stop himself, Zelos opened the doors and stepped outside into the snow.
The thick powder crunched under his bare feet as they led him through the courtyard, moving him until he stood in a painfully familiar spot. Not since that day did he ever come out behind the mansion, let alone when it was snowing, but he would never forget the spot where it happened.
The spot that, in his mind's eye, was always red soiling the white.
A tremor spread throughout his body, fueled by the rapid beating of his heart. The images from his dream - his nightmare, his memory - quickly flashed through his mind, and his breath grew shorter as crimson seemed to spread over his vision. Shaking, and not from the cold, he placed a hand to his head, unable to stop his mother's words from once again resounding in his head.
It would have been better if you hadn't been born.
Zelos nearly jumped when he heard the snow crunch behind him, but he caught himself from spinning around in a panic. Instead he took a deep breath to calm himself so whoever was behind him wouldn't think anything was wrong.
"Perhaps it would benefit you to wear something warmer, Master Zelos," a voice behind him spoke up. "The last thing anyone would want on Christmas is to fall ill."
The redhead chuckled, finally turning to face Sebastian. "At least Seles would be in good company," he quipped.
Saying nothing at first, the butler simply looked up at the gray sky above them. "I am rather surprised you're out here, sir."
Zelos snorted. "You and me both. I don't even know why I came out here in the first place. I guess I was just looking for something to do until the others woke up."
Sebastian studied him for a moment, and Zelos had a strange reminiscence of the steward giving him a similar look back when he had been a child in trouble. "You know, sir," the older man finally said, "I remember a time when you were younger that you actually enjoyed Christmas."
Zelos blinked, not having expected such a comment. "I still like Christmas…" he protested.
Sebastian folded his arms behind his back and squared his shoulders. "Many of the others don't seem to believe so."
Zelos huffed, his lips pressed in a thin line. "They say something to you?"
The elderly man nodded. "Yesterday, at one time or another, they expressed concerns that you were not quite yourself…including Lady Seles. They were not sure what it was exactly, but they were under the impression that something was not quite right with you."
"Crap…" Zelos groaned. He really thought he was doing a good job covering it up, but if they really noticed, than he had been more obvious than he thought.
"Master Zelos…" Sebastian said softly, hesitantly, as though wondering whether to continue or not. "Isn't it time…to put all this behind you?"
The redhead turned away from him, his eyes glaring at the "spot". "You think I haven't been trying?" he retorted; he tried so hard not to snap back, but it still came out wrong. "I would love nothing more than to just forget all this and just get on with my life."
"It is not something you can so easily forget…nor should you, sir. But there is a difference between moving on from something…and simply running away from it."
Looking up, Zelos frowned and folded his arms over his chest. "You think I'm just running away from what happened?"
"You certainly haven't been dealing with the issue," Sebastian replied, undeterred by his charge's tone or stance. "This is the first in many years when you have remained in Meltokio during its snow winters, and you have never once visited either of your parents' graves. And you refuse to discuss it, closing yourself off and hiding behind a disguise when the subject arises."
Curling and uncurling his fingers, Zelos once again looked away from the butler. He always thought Sebastian knew him better than most people - the man had raised him more than either of his parents - but he never realized that Sebastian knew him that well.
"Do you not see though, Master Zelos, how that only works against you? Because you do not acknowledge the matter, it remains there for you to hold on to. Even now, the retention of that day prevents you from truly enjoying the holiday with your friends. It is as though you keep it because there is something you do not wish to forget."
Zelos exhaled loudly. Truthfully, he would rather forget it. But the real problem was sometimes he felt that he didn't deserve to forget.
"If you truly wish to 'get on' with your life," Sebastian said, "then the best thing to do is to confront the issue, working through it so you can let it go and move on."
Zelos scratched the back of his head, still avoiding the other man's eyes. He knew Sebastian had a point, but it was difficult. After all these years, was it not too late to move on from those memories? Could he really just let something like that go?
Could he ever look back at that day…and not be hurt by it?
"Okay, now you have to be careful when you get up," Zelos said, looking down at Colette as she lay on the ground. "Otherwise you'll ruin it."
"All right," she replied. Then she paused, looking at the powder around her. "Um…how do I do that?"
"Well, you gotta…I mean, you should try to…" Zelos paused, trying to figure it out. Truth was, he wasn't too familiar with the art of snow angels, so he didn't really know. Scratching his head, he then held out his hand to her. "Okay, here, gimme your hand."
She did so, and he carefully pulled her up. When she was on her feet, she slowly stepped forward so they could both look at the imprint of an angel.
"Wow!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. "It looks great!"
Zelos tilted his head, trying to look at the figure form another angle. "I guess…" He never really understood snow angels. "But aren't you sick of the idea of angels yet?"
Colette laughed softly. "A little bit," she admitted. Looking up at him, she smiled. "But I don't mind good angels."
At that, Zelos couldn't help but smile as well. As fellow Chosens, the two of them could talk to each other about things that many people couldn't understand. And though they both had mastered their angelic abilities since they had saved and reunited the worlds, they were tired of their wings. After all, while being angels certainly justified people's belief that angels would save them, at the same time it had nearly killed them both. They were both relieved that the Chosen system was abolished.
Even so, despite her weariness of her own divine nature, she still believed and appreciated "good" angels, and was willing to give them a chance…just as she would anyone she believed to be a decent person. She was a little naïve that way, but Zelos had to admit that he admired her for that.
Shrugging his shoulders and brushing some snowflakes from his coat, he looked to the mansion briefly before turning back to Colette. "So what do you wanna do now?"
She thought for a moment, tapping her chin with a finger. "Oh, I know!" she finally said. "Can we try making a snowman?"
Zelos coughed suddenly to try and hide the sounds of choking. "What do you wanna make a snowman for?"
Colette frowned a little. "Presea said making a snowman is a fun thing to do when it's snowing."
The image of a snowman collapsing abruptly flashed in his mind, and he tried to shake it away. "How about we have a snowball fight instead?"
"It wouldn't be much fun with just the two of us," Colette pointed out.
"I guess not," Zelos grumbled, wishing the others would hurry back.
That morning after breakfast, Seles had surprised him when she said she wanted to visit the cemetery before opening presents. Apparently there was some special service or something being held to honor the memories of departed loved ones on Christmas. And though her mother wasn't buried at that cemetery (at that time, many people didn't take the time to bury half-elves), she thought it would be a nice way to pay respects at any rate.
Many of the others agreed and wanted to join her, to pay respects to their own loved ones they had lost. But Zelos had refused to go. Even remembering what Sebastian had said to him before about facing his demons, he just couldn't do it now. Plus, he trusted Lloyd to take care of his sister, so he didn't really have to go with her.
Seles got angry with him, of course, saying how he should visit his parents on Christmas too. But he didn't blame her for that, since she didn't know why it was so hard for him. And after a while, his sister gave up trying and just left without him, followed by most of the others.
Oddly enough, Colette decided to stay with him at the mansion. She said it was because she had no departed loved one to think about, at least none that she knew, but Zelos suspected that she simply didn't want to leave him alone. He hated the idea of her pitying him, but honestly he didn't mind the company.
At least until Colette suggested they play around in the snow. He hadn't wanted to, but she insisted, and he could see that she'd been so excited to do so. So he sucked it up and went out with her.
It wasn't so bad, really. Despite being outside, he was kind of having fun. But the mention of a snowman just brought up that day again, no matter how much he tried to fight the memories off, and he just couldn't help but dwell on it.
Maybe Sebastian was right after all.
"Zelos?" Colette's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Do you like Christmas?"
He expected someone to ask him that after what Sebastian told him. But he wasn't sure if he expected Colette to be the one to ask him.
"I like Christmas," he replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Well…you haven't seemed very merry. And I've heard stories about people who hate Christmas."
Zelos laughed a little; he knew what kind of stories she heard. "It's not so much that I hate Christmas…I just hate snow. But since Christmas and snow are usually paired up, sometimes it's just easier to lump them together and dislike all of it."
"Oh…" She stood silent for a moment, considering all she heard while glancing up at the falling crystal. "But why do you hate snow? It's so pretty!"
He shrugged. "To some people, I guess. But to me, it's nothing but frozen rain."
"But rain is so important!" she argued. "A lot of things need rain to grow!"
Zelos turned to her, looking her square in the eyes as he asked, "But what needs the snow?"
Colette blinked, unable to think of an answer. The two remained quiet for a moment, the snow around them absorbing any sound that might break that stillness. Finally she asked softly, "If you hate snow so much, then how come you agreed to come outside with me?"
He shrugged again. "You really wanted to come out here."
"Oh…" She looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry I made you come out here."
He turned to her, surprised. "Oh hey, c'mon. You didn't make me come out here, and you don't have to be sorry. It's been kinda fun."
He smiled as she glanced up at him, and she returned with one of her own. He hated seeing women sad, but especially girls he knew really well, like Colette.
"But why do you hate snow in the first place?" Colette wondered, her head tilted curiously.
Zelos hesitated for a moment. Normally he would shrug it off and try to dodge the question with some silly or stupid comment. But this time, he seriously considered telling her. After all, maybe it would help him get past it and move on, just as Sebastian said. He had spent so much time trying to just avoid the ordeal, and it was hard to talk about. But who better to understand than his fellow former Chosen?
Just as he was about to say something - though what, he wasn't sure - they both turned to the sound of the door opening and watched as Sebastian stepped outside.
"Master Zelos, Lady Colette," the butler said. "The others have returned from the cemetery. They are waiting for your attendance before they open presents."
Zelos sighed, unsure whether to feel relieved or annoyed for the interruption. "We'll be there in a minute."
Sebastian nodded and headed back inside, leaving the two alone again. Zelos then turned to Colette, who looked at him almost expectantly, as though waiting for him to make the first move.
With a small smile, he offered his hand. "Shall we?"
She seemed slightly disappointed, but a smile still lifted her lips as she took his hand and they both headed back inside.
Closing the door behind them, Zelos and Colette headed for the living room where the others were, excitedly chattering as they sorted the presents under the tree. Eagerly Colette went to help them, and Zelos went to stand by Sheena.
"Quite a haul you got," he appraised the pile of presents close to her.
The ninja smirked. "These are your presents."
Zelos blinked, looking at the pile again. Truth be told, he'd received more gifts in the past than compared to the ones in front of him. In previous years, he had gotten more gifts than he could count, mostly from people trying to bribe him and get on his good side. But this year, when all the presents he received were from people he knew…it was a little strange to see so many gifts from those he considered close to him.
Strange…but touching all the same.
"Don't forget this one!" Colette exclaimed, handing him the stocking with his name on it.
Zelos held back a laugh as he took the garment from her. He had told Sebastian to stuff some things in the stockings to see if they could fool Genis into believe it was really Santa Claus. He didn't know what the butler put in them, though, and he was curious to find out.
But his smile disappeared as he pulled out a small snow globe, looking at it curiously. Inside the glass was a snow-covered house, completely adorned with Christmas decorations. He shook it slightly, watching the white flakes swirl and fall around the house. Then he looked up at Sebastian who was helping pass out some presents. The butler caught his eye and smiled, almost mischievously, pointing to the stocking before returning to his task.
Blinking, Zelos reached into the stocking again and pulled out a red-and-white piece of paper that he had missed before. He carefully unfolded it and read the letter written to him;
To Zelos,
My apologize for taking so long to fulfill your Christmas wish. And no, I have never forgotten, even after all these years. But a wish like yours is difficult to grant, even for me. And yet, if you look around you at this very moment, you may realize you have ultimately granted your own wish after all!
Merry Christmas!
Santa Claus
Zelos blinked as he read the letter again. He understood why Sebastian had written the note this way, just to keep up the Santa illusion if any of the others happened to see his letter…Or at least he would have, if Sebastian had written the note. But he knew his butler's handwriting, and this letter certainly wasn't it. Unless he had someone else write the letter…he'd have to ask Sebastian about that sometime.
"Zelos?" He looked at Colette as she came to stand beside him. "Did you get what you asked for from Santa?"
The redhead paused, considering her question for a moment before watching the others in the room, talking and showing each other the presents they had gotten, laughing and having a good time. Then, looking over his letter again, he smiled. "Yeah…" he replied. "I guess I did."
Colette smiled. "Good…because that's what I asked for too."
Zelos looked back at her, startled. "What?"
"Well, I really asked Santa to give everyone what they asked for," she admitted sheepishly. "But when you said you asked for the same thing every year, and I worried that you never got it, I wanted to make especially sure Santa gave you your wish. That's what gave me the idea to ask for all our Christmas wishes to come true."
"Seriously? That's what you asked for?"
She nodded. "Yes. I wanted everyone to have a great Christmas…including you, of course. You deserve it too."
Zelos stared at her for a moment, his eyes wide with disbelief. Then, quite unexpectedly, he began to laugh. He simply threw his head back and laughed, so loud that all the chatter quieted and the room suddenly stilled. And while he knew that the others were probably wondering what was going on, the thought of their disturbed expressions only made him crack up harder.
Finally after a few moments, Zelos managed to stifle his laughter so he could try to catch his breath, though a few snickers still continued to escape. Lloyd took the opportunity to ask, "Zelos…are you okay?"
The redhead waved him off, still trying to control his chuckling. "Yeah, yeah…I'm fine."
Colette frowned deeply, a worried expression in her eyes. "But…why are you crying?"
That subdued him slightly, and he reached up to confirm that tears were running down his cheeks. "It's fine," he insisted with a sigh. "It's nothing."
"Zelos," Lloyd said - he spoke in that familiar serious, concerned tone that he used when he knew something was wrong, "if there's something bothering you, you know you can tell us."
Normally just the thought of telling anyone the truth about himself caused him to panic, to cover it with a foolish statement and an attitude that made it seem like he never took anything seriously. But surrounded by these people, by people who regarded him with concern, he realized how tired he was of hiding. Still, he replied, "I dunno…It's not exactly Christmas-y, and I don't wanna ruin everyone's day."
"It's okay," Colette assured him. "If it will make you feel better, then you should tell us."
Seeing that everyone else seemed to return the sentiment, Zelos shrugged and wiped the remaining tears away. "Okay…but don't say I didn't warn you…"
The bells from the church echoed throughout the city, filling Meltokio with the familiar chime of Christmas. To many, the sound of the bells was sweet, instilling the nostalgic warmth of the season to those who lingered outside. But as Zelos walked along the snow-laden streets, he couldn't think of anything more haunting.
It was strange to be walking alone on Christmas. He was used to being around a group of people at some party or something. Even in those rare years when he didn't celebrate the holiday, he was still surrounded by people, or even just with someone…never by himself. But after the time he spent telling the others his story about his first time seeing snow, and his mother…and what she said that day…he couldn't stand seeing the pity on their faces, and he left as soon as he finished.
He was a little surprised that no one followed him when he left, though. And he wasn't sure whether to be annoyed that they didn't, or relieved. Because he wasn't sure if he wanted anyone with him…as he finally arrived in the cemetery.
There were some remaining people, still around after the service earlier that day. But he knew none of them would bother him as his feet led him to the Wilder plot where his parents were buried.
He stood before their graves, looking at his parents' tombstones that stood side-by-side. He never liked how his parents were buried beside each other, especially since everyone knew they didn't like each other. But he had only been a kid when they died, so he didn't have much of a say during the funeral arrangements…
Zelos shook his head, trying to clear his mind. After finally mustering up the courage to come here, he couldn't let his mind be distracted with thoughts like that. He couldn't keep avoiding this any longer.
"Hey…Mom, Dad," he said. He rubbed the back of his head, feeling the need to do something in his uneasiness. "Uh…Merry Christmas."
Even though it was only their grave markers, it was still as difficult talking to them as it had been in person. But swallowing his anxiety, he continued on.
"I uh…I know I'm probably the last person you wanna see, but…since I haven't seen you guys since your funerals, I thought it was time for a visit."
He sighed, feeling a little colder as he released the warmth he had been holding in. "I'm not sure if you guys are happy or not that I'm still hanging around. I mean, after what you said, Mom, you might be disappointed that I'm not dead yet. But then again, if I'm still alive, then at least you guys are somewhat happy I'm not where you are…right?"
There was no answer, not that he really expected one. So he forced himself to speak again.
"Listen, I uh…I know that our family wasn't all that great…and I know it was because you guys never wanted to be together. So…so I guess, what I'm trying to say is…I'm…sorry…" He closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I'm sorry that you guys had to give up so much just to have me. And…I'm sorry I never said anything about it until now.
"I mean…I always knew it was my fault you both were so miserable. But I just…I just didn't wanna admit it, y'know? I didn't want it to be my fault. And I spent all this time, pretending to act the way I do, because I wanted people to pay attention to me. I just wanted to be important, I wanted to matter…I wanted to mean something to someone." He chuckled dryly, brushing some hair away from his face. "I know that probably sounds pretty stupid."
"Not really."
Somehow, Zelos wasn't really surprised to hear the recognizable voice as a figure approached from behind. He was embarrassed, though, as he wondered how much the other had heard, so he did his best to avoid eye-contact as the other came to stand beside him.
"I was wondering how long you would take to find me," Zelos quipped, disguising his awkwardness behind the teasing tone.
To that, Lloyd gave no reply. Instead, he said, "So these are your parents?"
The redhead nodded. "Yup, here they are, the great Wilders. Aren't they a good-looking couple?"
Lloyd made a slight face. "Don't joke about things like that."
To be fair, even Zelos knew how bad it sounded. But he had a tendency to say stupid things when he wanted to cover how he was feeling. It had become something of a reflex. Still, knowing when to admit he made an inappropriate comment, he muttered, "Right. Sorry."
A silence fell on the two swordsmen then, but only briefly before Zelos finally turned to Lloyd curiously. "So what're you doing here, anyway?"
Lloyd shrugged. "I heard somewhere that no one should be alone on Christmas. Plus, the others were a little worried."
Zelos frowned. He knew they would be, but hearing Lloyd say it made him feel ashamed for running off the way he had. "Well, you can tell 'em I'm okay. I just need a little bit longer."
Taking the hint, Lloyd nodded in understanding. "Okay. I'll let 'em know. But first, I just wanna greet your parents."
Zelos blinked. "Okay…?"
Lloyd smiled, and if Zelos didn't know better, he could've sworn he saw something planned in the younger man's eyes. "Well, since I'm already here, I might as well."
"I guess." Zelos stepped back to let the other stand before the graves. "They're all yours."
Lloyd stepped forward, standing between Zelos and his parents' headstones. "Merry Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. Wilder," Lloyd said. "You don't know me, but I'm a friend of Zelos'. And I just needed to tell you something…especially you, Mrs. Wilder. You need to know…that you're wrong about Zelos."
Zelos' eyes widened slightly in surprise, but before he could say anything Lloyd continued. "The truth is, a lot of people would've been in trouble if it wasn't for Zelos. So we're all really glad that he was born. Now, I don't know how you two really felt about him, but it'd be kinda sad if you couldn't appreciate your own son…when he's so important to us. And if nothing else, I'm glad to have him for my friend."
Lloyd suddenly turned, walking away from the graves before Zelos had a chance to say anything. "See you when you get back," he called when he left.
Zelos watched him leave, staring after him until he was out of sight. Then he turned back to the gravestones and let out a small, shaky laugh. "So that was Lloyd," he said. He placed a hand over his face, leaving it there for a moment before flicking crimson bangs from his eyes. "Yeah, he can be a bit of an idiot sometimes." He laughed a little before falling silent again, thinking. Then he smiled. "But you guys should really thank him. After all…he's the reason I'm not dead yet."
Running a hand through his drying hair, Zelos decided to take his time making his way down the hall. He felt a lot better now that he was dried off and warmer, though he knew it was more than just getting out of the snow.
After spending a little while longer at his parents' graves, Zelos finally chose to head back to the others because he didn't want them to worry about him anymore. He was a little nervous, though; it had taken everything he had just to tell them the story, but he wasn't sure if he was really ready to talk through it with them just yet.
Luckily when he returned, the others seemed to realize that. And after making sure he was all right, they simply let things rest as they were. They wanted to talk to him about it, he could see that, but they simply opted not to. He wondered if Lloyd spoke to them before he got back.
Either way, the rest of the day had been spent doing clichéd Christmas Day-type activities; having fun, putting presents to good use, and just spending time with each other. He hadn't even really minded when the others suggested having some fun outside in the snow.
Well…not too much, anyway. He was making progress, but it had to be a little at a time.
Luckily, they didn't spend a lot of time outside before it was time for dinner. And needing more time to dry and freshen up - a little more time to think - before he ate, Zelos had gone in a little earlier than the rest of them.
But now, even though he was pretty hungry, he couldn't help but pause before he entered the dining room, watching everyone talking and helping get dinner ready. Leaning against the doorframe and folding his arms, he felt a smile form on his lips.
"Hey…you okay?"
Glancing over his shoulder, he grinned. "Was it your turn to check on me or something?" he teased.
Sheena frowned as she approached him. She seemed slightly annoyed by his remark, but was trying to keep her temper in check. "Seriously," she said.
Turning back to watch the others, he pondered her question for a moment. "Yeah," he finally said slowly. "I think so…"
"Are you sure?" she prodded. "I mean, to hold something in like that for so long…"
He shrugged. "After a while, I just got used to it."
"You still could've told someone." She hesitated before adding softly, "You could've told me."
Zelos looked at her, noticing she seemed suddenly shy. "Well, everyone has their own problems. Even you. I didn't want to burden anyone else with mine."
She looked at him. "Zelos…"
"Don't worry about it. I obsessed with my problems enough as it was that I didn't need more people fixated on me." Smiling, he winked. "And yeah, it'll take a while to completely get over…a really long while…but it can only get better from here, right?"
She studied him for a moment, trying to see if he was just writing this off once again or if he really meant what he said. Then she nodded. "Right. But just remember, you can talk to someone if you need to."
He salute to her. "Yes, Ma'am," he retorted.
She lightly swatted his shoulder, an amused smile on her lips. Then she paused, a thoughtful expression taking over. "Can I ask you something?"
Zelos raised a curious brow. "Depends."
"Well…Colette said you used to wish for the same thing every Christmas, but never got it until now. And I was just wondering…what did you ask for?"
The redhead smiled, a little self-conscious. "You can ask all you want, but I'm not answering that one."
Sheena almost pouted. "Why not?"
"It's…kinda corny."
The ninja blinked. "Oh, c'mon, it can't be that bad. What is it?"
He hesitated for a moment, then looked back at the people in the other room. "This," he said simply.
"What?"
He waved his hand, motioning to the others as they set the table. "I wished for this."
Sheena followed his gesture, trying to understand. "A crowded room full of noisy chatter?" she joked.
But Zelos smiled. "Sure. What's better than a house full of people who care about you on Christmas?"
Thinking about that for a moment, Sheena smiled as well. Then she laughed softly. "Yeah, you're right. That was kinda corny."
"I told you so. But I hear that's forgivable this time of year."
Still smiling, Sheena gently patted his shoulder, and they stood in a comfortable silence watching the others for a while longer.
Then Lloyd glanced in their direction, pausing from what he was doing as he grinned. "Hey, check it out," he said, drawing everyone else's attention towards Zelos and Sheena.
"Aww!" Colette exclaimed. "Look who's under the mistletoe!"
Zelos and Sheena stiffened, and they both looked up at the same time to see the small shrub hanging above them.
"Hmm," Raine said, pretending to be thoughtful. "What was that tradition with mistletoe again?"
"A kiss, I believe," Regal replied, the teasing tone barely hidden even in his voice.
Zelos and Sheena glanced at each other again, and the redhead grinned. "Well, I'm not complaining."
Sheena huffed, her lips pursed together tightly. "Fine," she grumbled. "But just on the cheek, got it?"
"Whatever you want, my mistletoe hunny."
She grimaced at the nickname, but said nothing and closed her eyes, standing still as she offered her cheek to him.
He observed her for a moment, and decided that she just looked too cute. So he quietly moved around her and gave her a quick kiss on her lips anyway.
Sheena's eyes flew open, looking at Zelos in shock. Then anger quickly took over her expression, and the others laughed as Zelos ducked around the table with Sheena chasing after him.
Zelos didn't mind, though. Even as he dodged the summoner's hand wishing to hurt him, he was just glad to finally be home for Christmas.
The End
Chapter: 2; "What Christmas is All About"
Fandom: Tales of Symphonia
Character(s): Zelos Wilder
Genre: Angst, drama, friendship, family, little bits of romance
Rating: K+/PG
Disclaimers: Tales of Symphonia © Namco
Notes: My first Christmas story in a long time. I wrote this mainly because I really liked Zelos' character and back story, and I was surprised with other Tales of Symphonia Christmas stories that didn't have Zelos trying to celebrate Christmas while dealing with his past. Plus, Zelos is the only main character whose past isn't revealed to the other characters in the game. Only Lloyd ever finds out about it, and that's only an optional scene. It's quite a long story, though, longer than I expected it to be. But I hope you guys like it anyway! Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
Summary: Zelos wished for the same thing every year, but stopped believing he'd ever get it. Will he finally get his wish? It's possible, for what better time for a miracle than Christmas?
[Chapter 1]
~*~*~*~
The snowman collapsed in a pile of slush…He fell against the cold ground…He looked up, blinking as red snow began to fall…
A heavy pressure on top of him…His heart beating quickly in horror…His mother's blood staining the snow red around them…
Screaming…crying…calling for help…His mother reaching for him…her hand on his cheek…Blood touching her lips as she whispered…
It would have been better if you hadn't been born…
Her hand fell limp…More screaming that he never heard…Frozen as he stared at the tainted snow around, and his mother's words continued to echo in his mind…
It would have been better if you hadn't been born…
oOoOo
Zelos bolted upright, gasping for air as he looked around frantically, his vision blurred by leftover tears. Realizing he was still in his bedroom, he sighed slowly, releasing his tight grip on the sheets to brush crimson strands from his sweat-slicked forehead.
He really shouldn't have been surprised that he'd had that old dream. Even though he managed to avoid telling that story to the others the previous night, it didn't stop him from thinking about it, even after everyone had finally called it a night and went to bed. It was the last thing on his mind when he went to sleep, so of course he'd been forced to dream about it through the night, and it was the first thing he thought of when he woke up. It only made sense.
Still…he was never prepared to have that dream…to relive that moment in his memories…
Honestly, he kind of wished that he could be one of those people who forgot about traumatic events like that; those people who repressed such a horrific memory and wouldn't remember it for a long time, if at all. But obviously he wasn't so lucky.
Rubbing away whatever slumber remained from his eyes (because he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back to sleep after that), he glanced out his window and sighed. Figures it would still be snowing. He knew there were probably a lot of people who hoped to wake up on Christmas morning to find new-fallen snow.
To him, though, it only reaffirmed that someone in the universe hated him.
With a sigh, Zelos slid out of bed and grabbed a nearby green robe, slipping it on as he headed out of his bedroom. Maybe one of the others was awake, and he'd at least have someone to bother and not think about what was going on outside. After all, misery loves company.
But he didn't even have that to look forward to as he arrived in the main living room only to find it empty, and the echoing silence continued to hold the rest of the house in peaceful slumber. Grumbling a little to himself, Zelos debated whether to head back to the warmth of his bed and just lie there until the others woke, or start making some breakfast for himself.
In the middle of his plans, though, he paused just as he was passing the doors that led out back, watching the crystal flakes continue to fall. Unsure of what suddenly came over him, and quite unable to stop himself, Zelos opened the doors and stepped outside into the snow.
The thick powder crunched under his bare feet as they led him through the courtyard, moving him until he stood in a painfully familiar spot. Not since that day did he ever come out behind the mansion, let alone when it was snowing, but he would never forget the spot where it happened.
The spot that, in his mind's eye, was always red soiling the white.
A tremor spread throughout his body, fueled by the rapid beating of his heart. The images from his dream - his nightmare, his memory - quickly flashed through his mind, and his breath grew shorter as crimson seemed to spread over his vision. Shaking, and not from the cold, he placed a hand to his head, unable to stop his mother's words from once again resounding in his head.
It would have been better if you hadn't been born.
Zelos nearly jumped when he heard the snow crunch behind him, but he caught himself from spinning around in a panic. Instead he took a deep breath to calm himself so whoever was behind him wouldn't think anything was wrong.
"Perhaps it would benefit you to wear something warmer, Master Zelos," a voice behind him spoke up. "The last thing anyone would want on Christmas is to fall ill."
The redhead chuckled, finally turning to face Sebastian. "At least Seles would be in good company," he quipped.
Saying nothing at first, the butler simply looked up at the gray sky above them. "I am rather surprised you're out here, sir."
Zelos snorted. "You and me both. I don't even know why I came out here in the first place. I guess I was just looking for something to do until the others woke up."
Sebastian studied him for a moment, and Zelos had a strange reminiscence of the steward giving him a similar look back when he had been a child in trouble. "You know, sir," the older man finally said, "I remember a time when you were younger that you actually enjoyed Christmas."
Zelos blinked, not having expected such a comment. "I still like Christmas…" he protested.
Sebastian folded his arms behind his back and squared his shoulders. "Many of the others don't seem to believe so."
Zelos huffed, his lips pressed in a thin line. "They say something to you?"
The elderly man nodded. "Yesterday, at one time or another, they expressed concerns that you were not quite yourself…including Lady Seles. They were not sure what it was exactly, but they were under the impression that something was not quite right with you."
"Crap…" Zelos groaned. He really thought he was doing a good job covering it up, but if they really noticed, than he had been more obvious than he thought.
"Master Zelos…" Sebastian said softly, hesitantly, as though wondering whether to continue or not. "Isn't it time…to put all this behind you?"
The redhead turned away from him, his eyes glaring at the "spot". "You think I haven't been trying?" he retorted; he tried so hard not to snap back, but it still came out wrong. "I would love nothing more than to just forget all this and just get on with my life."
"It is not something you can so easily forget…nor should you, sir. But there is a difference between moving on from something…and simply running away from it."
Looking up, Zelos frowned and folded his arms over his chest. "You think I'm just running away from what happened?"
"You certainly haven't been dealing with the issue," Sebastian replied, undeterred by his charge's tone or stance. "This is the first in many years when you have remained in Meltokio during its snow winters, and you have never once visited either of your parents' graves. And you refuse to discuss it, closing yourself off and hiding behind a disguise when the subject arises."
Curling and uncurling his fingers, Zelos once again looked away from the butler. He always thought Sebastian knew him better than most people - the man had raised him more than either of his parents - but he never realized that Sebastian knew him that well.
"Do you not see though, Master Zelos, how that only works against you? Because you do not acknowledge the matter, it remains there for you to hold on to. Even now, the retention of that day prevents you from truly enjoying the holiday with your friends. It is as though you keep it because there is something you do not wish to forget."
Zelos exhaled loudly. Truthfully, he would rather forget it. But the real problem was sometimes he felt that he didn't deserve to forget.
"If you truly wish to 'get on' with your life," Sebastian said, "then the best thing to do is to confront the issue, working through it so you can let it go and move on."
Zelos scratched the back of his head, still avoiding the other man's eyes. He knew Sebastian had a point, but it was difficult. After all these years, was it not too late to move on from those memories? Could he really just let something like that go?
Could he ever look back at that day…and not be hurt by it?
"Okay, now you have to be careful when you get up," Zelos said, looking down at Colette as she lay on the ground. "Otherwise you'll ruin it."
"All right," she replied. Then she paused, looking at the powder around her. "Um…how do I do that?"
"Well, you gotta…I mean, you should try to…" Zelos paused, trying to figure it out. Truth was, he wasn't too familiar with the art of snow angels, so he didn't really know. Scratching his head, he then held out his hand to her. "Okay, here, gimme your hand."
She did so, and he carefully pulled her up. When she was on her feet, she slowly stepped forward so they could both look at the imprint of an angel.
"Wow!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. "It looks great!"
Zelos tilted his head, trying to look at the figure form another angle. "I guess…" He never really understood snow angels. "But aren't you sick of the idea of angels yet?"
Colette laughed softly. "A little bit," she admitted. Looking up at him, she smiled. "But I don't mind good angels."
At that, Zelos couldn't help but smile as well. As fellow Chosens, the two of them could talk to each other about things that many people couldn't understand. And though they both had mastered their angelic abilities since they had saved and reunited the worlds, they were tired of their wings. After all, while being angels certainly justified people's belief that angels would save them, at the same time it had nearly killed them both. They were both relieved that the Chosen system was abolished.
Even so, despite her weariness of her own divine nature, she still believed and appreciated "good" angels, and was willing to give them a chance…just as she would anyone she believed to be a decent person. She was a little naïve that way, but Zelos had to admit that he admired her for that.
Shrugging his shoulders and brushing some snowflakes from his coat, he looked to the mansion briefly before turning back to Colette. "So what do you wanna do now?"
She thought for a moment, tapping her chin with a finger. "Oh, I know!" she finally said. "Can we try making a snowman?"
Zelos coughed suddenly to try and hide the sounds of choking. "What do you wanna make a snowman for?"
Colette frowned a little. "Presea said making a snowman is a fun thing to do when it's snowing."
The image of a snowman collapsing abruptly flashed in his mind, and he tried to shake it away. "How about we have a snowball fight instead?"
"It wouldn't be much fun with just the two of us," Colette pointed out.
"I guess not," Zelos grumbled, wishing the others would hurry back.
That morning after breakfast, Seles had surprised him when she said she wanted to visit the cemetery before opening presents. Apparently there was some special service or something being held to honor the memories of departed loved ones on Christmas. And though her mother wasn't buried at that cemetery (at that time, many people didn't take the time to bury half-elves), she thought it would be a nice way to pay respects at any rate.
Many of the others agreed and wanted to join her, to pay respects to their own loved ones they had lost. But Zelos had refused to go. Even remembering what Sebastian had said to him before about facing his demons, he just couldn't do it now. Plus, he trusted Lloyd to take care of his sister, so he didn't really have to go with her.
Seles got angry with him, of course, saying how he should visit his parents on Christmas too. But he didn't blame her for that, since she didn't know why it was so hard for him. And after a while, his sister gave up trying and just left without him, followed by most of the others.
Oddly enough, Colette decided to stay with him at the mansion. She said it was because she had no departed loved one to think about, at least none that she knew, but Zelos suspected that she simply didn't want to leave him alone. He hated the idea of her pitying him, but honestly he didn't mind the company.
At least until Colette suggested they play around in the snow. He hadn't wanted to, but she insisted, and he could see that she'd been so excited to do so. So he sucked it up and went out with her.
It wasn't so bad, really. Despite being outside, he was kind of having fun. But the mention of a snowman just brought up that day again, no matter how much he tried to fight the memories off, and he just couldn't help but dwell on it.
Maybe Sebastian was right after all.
"Zelos?" Colette's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Do you like Christmas?"
He expected someone to ask him that after what Sebastian told him. But he wasn't sure if he expected Colette to be the one to ask him.
"I like Christmas," he replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Well…you haven't seemed very merry. And I've heard stories about people who hate Christmas."
Zelos laughed a little; he knew what kind of stories she heard. "It's not so much that I hate Christmas…I just hate snow. But since Christmas and snow are usually paired up, sometimes it's just easier to lump them together and dislike all of it."
"Oh…" She stood silent for a moment, considering all she heard while glancing up at the falling crystal. "But why do you hate snow? It's so pretty!"
He shrugged. "To some people, I guess. But to me, it's nothing but frozen rain."
"But rain is so important!" she argued. "A lot of things need rain to grow!"
Zelos turned to her, looking her square in the eyes as he asked, "But what needs the snow?"
Colette blinked, unable to think of an answer. The two remained quiet for a moment, the snow around them absorbing any sound that might break that stillness. Finally she asked softly, "If you hate snow so much, then how come you agreed to come outside with me?"
He shrugged again. "You really wanted to come out here."
"Oh…" She looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry I made you come out here."
He turned to her, surprised. "Oh hey, c'mon. You didn't make me come out here, and you don't have to be sorry. It's been kinda fun."
He smiled as she glanced up at him, and she returned with one of her own. He hated seeing women sad, but especially girls he knew really well, like Colette.
"But why do you hate snow in the first place?" Colette wondered, her head tilted curiously.
Zelos hesitated for a moment. Normally he would shrug it off and try to dodge the question with some silly or stupid comment. But this time, he seriously considered telling her. After all, maybe it would help him get past it and move on, just as Sebastian said. He had spent so much time trying to just avoid the ordeal, and it was hard to talk about. But who better to understand than his fellow former Chosen?
Just as he was about to say something - though what, he wasn't sure - they both turned to the sound of the door opening and watched as Sebastian stepped outside.
"Master Zelos, Lady Colette," the butler said. "The others have returned from the cemetery. They are waiting for your attendance before they open presents."
Zelos sighed, unsure whether to feel relieved or annoyed for the interruption. "We'll be there in a minute."
Sebastian nodded and headed back inside, leaving the two alone again. Zelos then turned to Colette, who looked at him almost expectantly, as though waiting for him to make the first move.
With a small smile, he offered his hand. "Shall we?"
She seemed slightly disappointed, but a smile still lifted her lips as she took his hand and they both headed back inside.
Closing the door behind them, Zelos and Colette headed for the living room where the others were, excitedly chattering as they sorted the presents under the tree. Eagerly Colette went to help them, and Zelos went to stand by Sheena.
"Quite a haul you got," he appraised the pile of presents close to her.
The ninja smirked. "These are your presents."
Zelos blinked, looking at the pile again. Truth be told, he'd received more gifts in the past than compared to the ones in front of him. In previous years, he had gotten more gifts than he could count, mostly from people trying to bribe him and get on his good side. But this year, when all the presents he received were from people he knew…it was a little strange to see so many gifts from those he considered close to him.
Strange…but touching all the same.
"Don't forget this one!" Colette exclaimed, handing him the stocking with his name on it.
Zelos held back a laugh as he took the garment from her. He had told Sebastian to stuff some things in the stockings to see if they could fool Genis into believe it was really Santa Claus. He didn't know what the butler put in them, though, and he was curious to find out.
But his smile disappeared as he pulled out a small snow globe, looking at it curiously. Inside the glass was a snow-covered house, completely adorned with Christmas decorations. He shook it slightly, watching the white flakes swirl and fall around the house. Then he looked up at Sebastian who was helping pass out some presents. The butler caught his eye and smiled, almost mischievously, pointing to the stocking before returning to his task.
Blinking, Zelos reached into the stocking again and pulled out a red-and-white piece of paper that he had missed before. He carefully unfolded it and read the letter written to him;
To Zelos,
My apologize for taking so long to fulfill your Christmas wish. And no, I have never forgotten, even after all these years. But a wish like yours is difficult to grant, even for me. And yet, if you look around you at this very moment, you may realize you have ultimately granted your own wish after all!
Merry Christmas!
Santa Claus
Zelos blinked as he read the letter again. He understood why Sebastian had written the note this way, just to keep up the Santa illusion if any of the others happened to see his letter…Or at least he would have, if Sebastian had written the note. But he knew his butler's handwriting, and this letter certainly wasn't it. Unless he had someone else write the letter…he'd have to ask Sebastian about that sometime.
"Zelos?" He looked at Colette as she came to stand beside him. "Did you get what you asked for from Santa?"
The redhead paused, considering her question for a moment before watching the others in the room, talking and showing each other the presents they had gotten, laughing and having a good time. Then, looking over his letter again, he smiled. "Yeah…" he replied. "I guess I did."
Colette smiled. "Good…because that's what I asked for too."
Zelos looked back at her, startled. "What?"
"Well, I really asked Santa to give everyone what they asked for," she admitted sheepishly. "But when you said you asked for the same thing every year, and I worried that you never got it, I wanted to make especially sure Santa gave you your wish. That's what gave me the idea to ask for all our Christmas wishes to come true."
"Seriously? That's what you asked for?"
She nodded. "Yes. I wanted everyone to have a great Christmas…including you, of course. You deserve it too."
Zelos stared at her for a moment, his eyes wide with disbelief. Then, quite unexpectedly, he began to laugh. He simply threw his head back and laughed, so loud that all the chatter quieted and the room suddenly stilled. And while he knew that the others were probably wondering what was going on, the thought of their disturbed expressions only made him crack up harder.
Finally after a few moments, Zelos managed to stifle his laughter so he could try to catch his breath, though a few snickers still continued to escape. Lloyd took the opportunity to ask, "Zelos…are you okay?"
The redhead waved him off, still trying to control his chuckling. "Yeah, yeah…I'm fine."
Colette frowned deeply, a worried expression in her eyes. "But…why are you crying?"
That subdued him slightly, and he reached up to confirm that tears were running down his cheeks. "It's fine," he insisted with a sigh. "It's nothing."
"Zelos," Lloyd said - he spoke in that familiar serious, concerned tone that he used when he knew something was wrong, "if there's something bothering you, you know you can tell us."
Normally just the thought of telling anyone the truth about himself caused him to panic, to cover it with a foolish statement and an attitude that made it seem like he never took anything seriously. But surrounded by these people, by people who regarded him with concern, he realized how tired he was of hiding. Still, he replied, "I dunno…It's not exactly Christmas-y, and I don't wanna ruin everyone's day."
"It's okay," Colette assured him. "If it will make you feel better, then you should tell us."
Seeing that everyone else seemed to return the sentiment, Zelos shrugged and wiped the remaining tears away. "Okay…but don't say I didn't warn you…"
The bells from the church echoed throughout the city, filling Meltokio with the familiar chime of Christmas. To many, the sound of the bells was sweet, instilling the nostalgic warmth of the season to those who lingered outside. But as Zelos walked along the snow-laden streets, he couldn't think of anything more haunting.
It was strange to be walking alone on Christmas. He was used to being around a group of people at some party or something. Even in those rare years when he didn't celebrate the holiday, he was still surrounded by people, or even just with someone…never by himself. But after the time he spent telling the others his story about his first time seeing snow, and his mother…and what she said that day…he couldn't stand seeing the pity on their faces, and he left as soon as he finished.
He was a little surprised that no one followed him when he left, though. And he wasn't sure whether to be annoyed that they didn't, or relieved. Because he wasn't sure if he wanted anyone with him…as he finally arrived in the cemetery.
There were some remaining people, still around after the service earlier that day. But he knew none of them would bother him as his feet led him to the Wilder plot where his parents were buried.
He stood before their graves, looking at his parents' tombstones that stood side-by-side. He never liked how his parents were buried beside each other, especially since everyone knew they didn't like each other. But he had only been a kid when they died, so he didn't have much of a say during the funeral arrangements…
Zelos shook his head, trying to clear his mind. After finally mustering up the courage to come here, he couldn't let his mind be distracted with thoughts like that. He couldn't keep avoiding this any longer.
"Hey…Mom, Dad," he said. He rubbed the back of his head, feeling the need to do something in his uneasiness. "Uh…Merry Christmas."
Even though it was only their grave markers, it was still as difficult talking to them as it had been in person. But swallowing his anxiety, he continued on.
"I uh…I know I'm probably the last person you wanna see, but…since I haven't seen you guys since your funerals, I thought it was time for a visit."
He sighed, feeling a little colder as he released the warmth he had been holding in. "I'm not sure if you guys are happy or not that I'm still hanging around. I mean, after what you said, Mom, you might be disappointed that I'm not dead yet. But then again, if I'm still alive, then at least you guys are somewhat happy I'm not where you are…right?"
There was no answer, not that he really expected one. So he forced himself to speak again.
"Listen, I uh…I know that our family wasn't all that great…and I know it was because you guys never wanted to be together. So…so I guess, what I'm trying to say is…I'm…sorry…" He closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I'm sorry that you guys had to give up so much just to have me. And…I'm sorry I never said anything about it until now.
"I mean…I always knew it was my fault you both were so miserable. But I just…I just didn't wanna admit it, y'know? I didn't want it to be my fault. And I spent all this time, pretending to act the way I do, because I wanted people to pay attention to me. I just wanted to be important, I wanted to matter…I wanted to mean something to someone." He chuckled dryly, brushing some hair away from his face. "I know that probably sounds pretty stupid."
"Not really."
Somehow, Zelos wasn't really surprised to hear the recognizable voice as a figure approached from behind. He was embarrassed, though, as he wondered how much the other had heard, so he did his best to avoid eye-contact as the other came to stand beside him.
"I was wondering how long you would take to find me," Zelos quipped, disguising his awkwardness behind the teasing tone.
To that, Lloyd gave no reply. Instead, he said, "So these are your parents?"
The redhead nodded. "Yup, here they are, the great Wilders. Aren't they a good-looking couple?"
Lloyd made a slight face. "Don't joke about things like that."
To be fair, even Zelos knew how bad it sounded. But he had a tendency to say stupid things when he wanted to cover how he was feeling. It had become something of a reflex. Still, knowing when to admit he made an inappropriate comment, he muttered, "Right. Sorry."
A silence fell on the two swordsmen then, but only briefly before Zelos finally turned to Lloyd curiously. "So what're you doing here, anyway?"
Lloyd shrugged. "I heard somewhere that no one should be alone on Christmas. Plus, the others were a little worried."
Zelos frowned. He knew they would be, but hearing Lloyd say it made him feel ashamed for running off the way he had. "Well, you can tell 'em I'm okay. I just need a little bit longer."
Taking the hint, Lloyd nodded in understanding. "Okay. I'll let 'em know. But first, I just wanna greet your parents."
Zelos blinked. "Okay…?"
Lloyd smiled, and if Zelos didn't know better, he could've sworn he saw something planned in the younger man's eyes. "Well, since I'm already here, I might as well."
"I guess." Zelos stepped back to let the other stand before the graves. "They're all yours."
Lloyd stepped forward, standing between Zelos and his parents' headstones. "Merry Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. Wilder," Lloyd said. "You don't know me, but I'm a friend of Zelos'. And I just needed to tell you something…especially you, Mrs. Wilder. You need to know…that you're wrong about Zelos."
Zelos' eyes widened slightly in surprise, but before he could say anything Lloyd continued. "The truth is, a lot of people would've been in trouble if it wasn't for Zelos. So we're all really glad that he was born. Now, I don't know how you two really felt about him, but it'd be kinda sad if you couldn't appreciate your own son…when he's so important to us. And if nothing else, I'm glad to have him for my friend."
Lloyd suddenly turned, walking away from the graves before Zelos had a chance to say anything. "See you when you get back," he called when he left.
Zelos watched him leave, staring after him until he was out of sight. Then he turned back to the gravestones and let out a small, shaky laugh. "So that was Lloyd," he said. He placed a hand over his face, leaving it there for a moment before flicking crimson bangs from his eyes. "Yeah, he can be a bit of an idiot sometimes." He laughed a little before falling silent again, thinking. Then he smiled. "But you guys should really thank him. After all…he's the reason I'm not dead yet."
Running a hand through his drying hair, Zelos decided to take his time making his way down the hall. He felt a lot better now that he was dried off and warmer, though he knew it was more than just getting out of the snow.
After spending a little while longer at his parents' graves, Zelos finally chose to head back to the others because he didn't want them to worry about him anymore. He was a little nervous, though; it had taken everything he had just to tell them the story, but he wasn't sure if he was really ready to talk through it with them just yet.
Luckily when he returned, the others seemed to realize that. And after making sure he was all right, they simply let things rest as they were. They wanted to talk to him about it, he could see that, but they simply opted not to. He wondered if Lloyd spoke to them before he got back.
Either way, the rest of the day had been spent doing clichéd Christmas Day-type activities; having fun, putting presents to good use, and just spending time with each other. He hadn't even really minded when the others suggested having some fun outside in the snow.
Well…not too much, anyway. He was making progress, but it had to be a little at a time.
Luckily, they didn't spend a lot of time outside before it was time for dinner. And needing more time to dry and freshen up - a little more time to think - before he ate, Zelos had gone in a little earlier than the rest of them.
But now, even though he was pretty hungry, he couldn't help but pause before he entered the dining room, watching everyone talking and helping get dinner ready. Leaning against the doorframe and folding his arms, he felt a smile form on his lips.
"Hey…you okay?"
Glancing over his shoulder, he grinned. "Was it your turn to check on me or something?" he teased.
Sheena frowned as she approached him. She seemed slightly annoyed by his remark, but was trying to keep her temper in check. "Seriously," she said.
Turning back to watch the others, he pondered her question for a moment. "Yeah," he finally said slowly. "I think so…"
"Are you sure?" she prodded. "I mean, to hold something in like that for so long…"
He shrugged. "After a while, I just got used to it."
"You still could've told someone." She hesitated before adding softly, "You could've told me."
Zelos looked at her, noticing she seemed suddenly shy. "Well, everyone has their own problems. Even you. I didn't want to burden anyone else with mine."
She looked at him. "Zelos…"
"Don't worry about it. I obsessed with my problems enough as it was that I didn't need more people fixated on me." Smiling, he winked. "And yeah, it'll take a while to completely get over…a really long while…but it can only get better from here, right?"
She studied him for a moment, trying to see if he was just writing this off once again or if he really meant what he said. Then she nodded. "Right. But just remember, you can talk to someone if you need to."
He salute to her. "Yes, Ma'am," he retorted.
She lightly swatted his shoulder, an amused smile on her lips. Then she paused, a thoughtful expression taking over. "Can I ask you something?"
Zelos raised a curious brow. "Depends."
"Well…Colette said you used to wish for the same thing every Christmas, but never got it until now. And I was just wondering…what did you ask for?"
The redhead smiled, a little self-conscious. "You can ask all you want, but I'm not answering that one."
Sheena almost pouted. "Why not?"
"It's…kinda corny."
The ninja blinked. "Oh, c'mon, it can't be that bad. What is it?"
He hesitated for a moment, then looked back at the people in the other room. "This," he said simply.
"What?"
He waved his hand, motioning to the others as they set the table. "I wished for this."
Sheena followed his gesture, trying to understand. "A crowded room full of noisy chatter?" she joked.
But Zelos smiled. "Sure. What's better than a house full of people who care about you on Christmas?"
Thinking about that for a moment, Sheena smiled as well. Then she laughed softly. "Yeah, you're right. That was kinda corny."
"I told you so. But I hear that's forgivable this time of year."
Still smiling, Sheena gently patted his shoulder, and they stood in a comfortable silence watching the others for a while longer.
Then Lloyd glanced in their direction, pausing from what he was doing as he grinned. "Hey, check it out," he said, drawing everyone else's attention towards Zelos and Sheena.
"Aww!" Colette exclaimed. "Look who's under the mistletoe!"
Zelos and Sheena stiffened, and they both looked up at the same time to see the small shrub hanging above them.
"Hmm," Raine said, pretending to be thoughtful. "What was that tradition with mistletoe again?"
"A kiss, I believe," Regal replied, the teasing tone barely hidden even in his voice.
Zelos and Sheena glanced at each other again, and the redhead grinned. "Well, I'm not complaining."
Sheena huffed, her lips pursed together tightly. "Fine," she grumbled. "But just on the cheek, got it?"
"Whatever you want, my mistletoe hunny."
She grimaced at the nickname, but said nothing and closed her eyes, standing still as she offered her cheek to him.
He observed her for a moment, and decided that she just looked too cute. So he quietly moved around her and gave her a quick kiss on her lips anyway.
Sheena's eyes flew open, looking at Zelos in shock. Then anger quickly took over her expression, and the others laughed as Zelos ducked around the table with Sheena chasing after him.
Zelos didn't mind, though. Even as he dodged the summoner's hand wishing to hurt him, he was just glad to finally be home for Christmas.
The End