For Christmas - Ch. 3
Title: For Christmas
Chapter: 3; "If Only in My Dreams"
Fandom: Persona 4
Character(s): Seta Souji/Narukami Yu, Amagi Yukiko
Genre: Drama, family, romance in this chapter
Rating: K
Disclaimers: Persona 4 © ATLUS
Notes: I'm not entirely familiar with Christmas traditions in Japan, but I know that over there, Christmas Eve is more of a romantic holiday than anything else, like Valentine's Day. That's why the Christmas Eve scene in this chapter is different from how we think of Christmas Eve here in the US. Just thought I'd mention that.
Also, I'm aware of what the game implies that the MC and the girlfriend are doing during after the Christmas Eve scene. And two teenagers alone unsupervised in a house, it wouldn't be much of a stretch to think of what they might do. But I went for a more innocent approach to their evening together. It's mostly because I don't write sex scenes (and I don't have anything against them, but even if I wanted to, I can't write about sex to save my life), but it's also because it's not what the story's about. The story's supposed to be about Souji, and something like that would kind of take the focus away from what he's dealing with. Hopefully people won't mind too much. Anyway, enjoy!
Summary: All he ever wanted was to feel like he was home.
[Chapter 2]
~*~*~*~
Souji released a shaky breath with each step he descended the staircase. 'So far so good,' he told himself. He just hoped that the rest of the night would go as well.
Reaching into his pocket, he fingered the leather keychain Yukiko had given him and smiled a little. He made a note to hook his keys on it later, wanting to make use of it. And he was glad that she enjoyed the cake he gave her. Thinking it over, it was better that he hadn't made the cake himself. He didn't want her to feel bad about her own cooking as she sometimes did already. If the evening ended on a note like this, then it would have been a good time.
But now that she was spending the night, he had to worry about the rest of their time together. And like Yukiko, he didn't know what they should do. He was aware of what couples tended to do on Christmas Eve, but he didn't want her to think he expected that from her. Since he was her first boyfriend, he didn't want to pressure her into something like that.
Besides, it was nice spending time with her. He enjoyed talking with her and making her smile…and he didn't even mind when she started laughing in that…way she did. It was nice just being with her.
Then again, it was nice just having anyone around again.
Placing a kettle on the stove, he frowned as he thought back to when Yukiko asked to stay the night. He had answered so quickly, so eagerly without even thinking about it. He really hoped that she didn't misinterpret his meaning.
He shook his head, taking some teacups from the cupboard. When did he get so desperate for a person's company? It was almost pathetic in a way.
But then, maybe he was always desperate for some company. He always seemed to do strange things to be with others…even if those attempts didn't always work out…
oOoOo
Blinking slowly, Souji found himself looking up at the ceiling. Confused, he sat up and was surprised to see that he was in his room.
'Did I fall asleep?' he wondered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was halfway through a yawn when realization struck him.
'If I fell asleep, then my parents…' He frowned, wishing they had woken him up.
Before disappointment could settle, though, he heard some noisy shuffling out in the hall. Listening for a moment, Souji then threw off the covers and jumped out of bed, dashing out towards the front door just in time to see his mother, dressed for work and slipping on her shoes.
"Mother," he called after her.
The woman paused and turned to look at the child.
Souji hesitated, silenced by the embarrassment of being unable to stay awake the previous night and the sadness of missing the chance to eat dinner with his parents.
The woman frowned. "Souji, I don't like what you did last night."
He stiffened. "Huh?"
"Sleeping at the table without eating," she clarified. "You shouldn't have done that. You're supposed to be a good boy and listen to me or your father or Ota-san. You know better than to cause trouble."
"I…" Souji fidgeted, his shoulders sagging as he looked at his feet. "Yes, Mother. I'm sorry."
The woman nodded, satisfied. "All right. I made breakfast for you. Make sure to eat it before going to school."
"Yes, Mother," he repeated obediently, his eyes rising just so slightly to look at his mother through his bangs.
But all he caught sight of was the trail of her hair as she left. Then the door closed, and she was gone.
oOoOo
The whistling of the kettle pulled Souji back to reality, and he shook his head to clear the memory from his mind. Now was not the time to be thinking of things like that. That was a long time ago, and he had gotten over it.
Right?
With another firm shake of his head, he set to work on the tea in front of him. He had someone important waiting for him upstairs.
Yukiko sat on the couch in Souji's room, fidgeting nervously with her red flannel pajamas. She had been so relieved that Souji had offered to make tea so that she could change. But she had to admit that, with every passing minute, she was beginning to regret the decision to spend the night.
Not that she didn't want to be with Souji. She did, honestly, more than anything. She loved spending time with him, to be with him after a day of their busy schedules, and talking with him about things besides the investigation. She loved him, as she told him just moments ago.
But when she had asked to stay, he had seemed so enthusiastic about the idea. And she couldn't deny how nervous that made her feel. Of course she trusted Souji, with all her heart, but…were they going to…? Could she really do that?
She jumped a little at the knock on the door. "Yukiko?" Souji called from the other side, and she released a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"Come in," she replied, her voice softer than she would have liked.
The door slowly opened, and she saw a gray eye peak through the crack, as though still checking to see if it was safe. She bit back a giggle as the door fully opened and Souji entered with a tray of tea.
With a small smile, he placed the tray on the table as she scooted over to make room for him on the couch. He sat beside her and took the cups, offering one to her.
"Thank you," she murmured. For some reason she was unable to look at him.
Things were silent for a moment, and Yukiko occupied herself with sipping her tea. Then Souji looked at her. "Something wrong?" he wondered.
"Um…" She played with the cup in her hands. "About…about me…spending the night…"
She risked a glance at him, and was struck by the miserable expression he wore; not in his face, his features remained as stoic as ever. But she could see it in his eyes, a pain so clear as if he'd just been rejected, and for that moment she felt her heart break.
Then he blinked and it was gone, and he looked as though he had expected her to say that. "Yes?" he prompted.
She bit her tongue, feeling more uncertain than ever. No matter how brief it had been, that look…she couldn't bear to be responsible for a look so forlorn like that, especially on someone like Souji. But what was she supposed to do?
Seeing that he was waiting for her to continue, she blushed a little and played with her hands on her lap. "I…I'd still like to stay tonight, if that's okay…"
Souji blinked, as though startled by that. "Really?"
She nodded. "But…I don't think I'm…ready…for anything else."
Looking up at him again, she was surprised to see that he was smiling. "That's okay," he said. "I wouldn't push you to do anything you don't want to do."
She sighed, relieved. "Really?"
His smile turned into a small smirk. "You don't believe me?"
Blushing, she shook her head. "No! I mean, yes! I mean…!" She cleared her throat, gathering her thoughts. "Thank you."
His smile warmed again, the kind that always made her heart melt. "Of course," he replied. "I understand."
And as he paused to drink his tea, Yukiko realized that he really did understand. Those few moments that she reconsidered staying the night, her parents' warnings about young men and "what they all were really after" echoed in her mind, and she had been afraid that that was the real reason Souji wanted her to stay. But even if he did want that, she could see that he was sincere when he said that he wouldn't push her if she didn't want to do it. It even seemed as though he anticipated events to turn out that way.
Which made Yukiko wonder; if he wasn't thinking about…that…then what else could have possibly made him look so upset before? Even if it was only a passing moment, why did he seem so hurt?
She didn't have much of a chance to consider it, however, when she caught the embarrassed expression that crossed Souji's face. "What?" she asked.
Souji gave a small, sheepish smile. "I just…hope you don't mind if we both still sleep in here tonight."
She blinked, heat once again filling her cheeks. "What?"
He chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, it's just kind of cold in the rest of the house…especially downstairs."
Yukiko frowned. She had noticed that when she arrived.
"It won't be too bad, though. I can sleep here…" he patted the couch, "and you can take my futon."
She looked to the futon in the corner of the room, then back to the couch. Though grateful that he was being so nice about this situation, she still felt rather guilty about her relief that they would be sleeping in two different places. Besides, there was one other thing she noticed. "Won't the couch be too small for you?"
Souji shrugged. "I'll manage."
She frowned and shook her head. "It'd probably be easier for me to sleep on the couch than you. I can sleep here, and you can keep your futon."
"The couch isn't that comfortable, to be honest."
"It's okay. I'm shorter, so I should be able to fit here better than you."
He gave her a quizzical tip of the head. "Are you sure?"
She smiled and nodded. It was the least she could do.
Hesitating for a moment, Souji finally acquiesced. "All right, if you say so." He rose to his feet, most likely to get things for her to sleep on, then paused and turned back to her. "But if you can't sleep, just wake me up. I'll be happy to switch places."
Yukiko laughed softly, politely. "Don't worry, Souji-kun. I'll be fine."
She should have just taken the futon.
With a soft sigh that echoed throughout the darkness, Yukiko rolled onto her back for probably the millionth time that night. Fidgeting to try and get relaxed, and failing, she groaned and rolled onto her side again and stared at the television across the room.
Souji wasn't kidding when he said the couch wasn't comfortable.
Tapping cold fingers against the cushion, she yawned and tried to think of what to do. Fatigue was weighing heavily on her, and all she wanted was to fall asleep. But she just couldn't on that couch. She already lost track of how long she lay there in the dark just trying. It was just too uncomfortable for her to sleep on.
If you can't sleep, just wake me up. I'll be happy to switch places.
She frowned as she heard Souji's words in her mind. She hated the thought of waking him up and asking him to switch for her, especially after insisting that she would sleep fine there. But she couldn't deny how temping the thought of sleeping on the futon was.
Her body twitched slightly, pleading for her to shift position again. Instead she pushed the blanket off her body and sat up, slipping off the couch and crossing the room to kneel by the futon.
"Souji-kun," she whispered, gently shaking his shoulder.
Souji rolled onto his back but did not wake, instead settling down again into a deeper sleep.
Yukiko pouted and placed her hand on his arm. "Souji-kun…you said I could wake you if I can't sleep. It's your turn on the couch now."
She was about to try shaking his shoulder again when he suddenly reached up, grabbing her by the wrist. She squeaked, frozen as she watched him.
"Don't go…" he whispered.
Yukiko blinked, wondering what he was dreaming about. Then her eyes widened as she watched a tear trail down Souji's cheek.
"Please…" he murmured again, "don't…leave me…alone…"
He released his grip on her wrist as his hand dropped back to the futon, but Yukiko stayed frozen where she was, her heart rapidly pounding as she stared at Souji. And as more drops trailed down his face, she could feel tears of her own burn behind her eyes.
What was he dreaming about that would cause such a reaction like that? How often did something like this happen? Were…were his dreams always like this?
Inhaling deeply, Yukiko swallowed and tried to think. It was beginning to make some sense now, why he had seemed so upset when he thought she was leaving. Even for that one instant, what she saw then was Souji at his most open, his most vulnerable…she had seen him unguarded, witnessed a side of himself that he hardly showed anyone.
She saw just how lonely he really was.
How could they have forgotten? Even Yosuke had pointed it out before; Souji had been living by himself ever since Nanako and Dojima were admitted in the hospital. That was nearly two months ago, but even though they knew, there had been so much going on that they didn't have time to dwell on it. And Souji never really said anything about it.
But Souji never talking about it didn't make him any less lonely.
Hesitantly Yukiko reached up, gently brushing Souji's bangs from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Souji-kun," she whispered.
Unlocking the door, Souji pushed it open and peaked inside. "I'm home," he called. But judging by the darkness down the hallway, he knew that there was no one around to hear him.
He removed his shoes and headed inside, looking around and confirming that the house was indeed empty. Not even Ota-san had stopped by yet.
He shuffled his feet as he headed into his room to put his bag away. It was okay, he told himself. He was getting used to coming home to an empty house. He would just wait until Ota-san came later.
As he headed into the living room to watch a little television, though, he paused as he passed by the kitchen, looking at the table. He wondered if he should try waiting for his parents again to eat dinner. Even though he had fallen asleep last night, he thought he'd be able to stay up tonight.
I don't like what you did.
Souji's stomach tightened as his mother's words repeated in his head.
You shouldn't have done that. You're supposed to be a good boy and listen to me or your father or Ota-san. You know better than to cause trouble.
'I'm sorry,' Souji thought, sniffling as he turned away from the table. 'I wasn't trying to cause trouble. I just wanted…things to be like they used to be. I wanted…I wanted us to be together again…'
oOoOo
His mind eased back to the waking world, but Souji kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, enjoying the warmth he was buried in. He didn't want to get up just yet. As he reached up to wipe away something irritating his eyes, he wasn't all that surprised to feel the gather of moisture building up behind his lids.
It always seemed to happen whenever he had that particular dream. And while the dream didn't come that often any longer, it had been more frequent since his uncle and cousin had been in the hospital.
Souji frowned a little. It was a bit embarrassing to still be having a dream like that, especially since he couldn't seem to stop crying about it. And he was surprised that he had dreams about when he was a kid, even after all these years. All that happened so long ago. He had gotten used to it already, and it shouldn't have bothered him anymore.
So why did it feel like it still did?
Ignoring the question for now, Souji stretched a little and rolled onto his side, finally opening his eyes…and was greeted with the sight of Yukiko's sleeping face right next to his.
Souji stiffened, his heart hammering in his chest. He was abruptly aware of the feeling of Yukiko's body curled up right next to him, and he wondered how he hadn't realized it before. How long had she been there? And why was she even there in the first place?
Suddenly she stirred and her eyes blinked open, and a twinge of worry crept into Souji's mind as she sleepily looked up at him. He certainly didn't remember her coming into his futon, so he was pretty sure that he hadn't done anything to force her into it. Even so, Yukiko (as well as the rest of the girls) had a tendency to overreact about things and lash out at him and the other guys, even if the guys weren't at fault. Even if he didn't know how she got there, it wouldn't stop her from getting angry at him if she so chose.
Then Yukiko smiled, and Souji relaxed a bit. At least she wasn't going to get mad at him. But he still questioned what she was doing there in the first place. If she hadn't wanted to sleep on the couch any longer, why hadn't she woken him? Maybe she was cold and was trying to get warm? But somehow that didn't seem right either. Climbing into bed with him implied something of intimacy, but Souji suspected that she hadn't changed her mind about that. So what had Yukiko been trying to accomplish?
And there was something about her smile…it was a small smile, gentle and sweet but almost indicating that she knew something. And then his stomach tightened as he realized that she did know something.
She knew…because she had seen him crying.
Self-consciously he closed his eyes, unable to look at her and not sure what to say. He never told any of them about this; not only because it was embarrassing, but because he wasn't sure that he could. They had required him to be a leader; calm throughout the investigation of a strange murder, strong as they battled their way through the strange television world. To be so upset about such a little thing…it certainly wasn't what any of them needed. And he was used to dealing with it on his own; it just didn't seem like sharing it was necessary.
And even if it was just a bit of his troubles, Yukiko had seen. So what was he supposed to do now?
He opened his eyes again when he felt Yukiko's hand on his arm, and he looked at her reluctantly. He wasn't sure how to handle the understanding gaze in her eyes. Then without a word she snuggled closer to him, burying her face in his chest. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Something in his chest throbbed, making the whole situation awkward and leaving him uncertain and confused.
But as Yukiko's warmth enveloped his body, he found that for now, he didn't really mind.
TBC
[Chapter 4]
Chapter: 3; "If Only in My Dreams"
Fandom: Persona 4
Character(s): Seta Souji/Narukami Yu, Amagi Yukiko
Genre: Drama, family, romance in this chapter
Rating: K
Disclaimers: Persona 4 © ATLUS
Notes: I'm not entirely familiar with Christmas traditions in Japan, but I know that over there, Christmas Eve is more of a romantic holiday than anything else, like Valentine's Day. That's why the Christmas Eve scene in this chapter is different from how we think of Christmas Eve here in the US. Just thought I'd mention that.
Also, I'm aware of what the game implies that the MC and the girlfriend are doing during after the Christmas Eve scene. And two teenagers alone unsupervised in a house, it wouldn't be much of a stretch to think of what they might do. But I went for a more innocent approach to their evening together. It's mostly because I don't write sex scenes (and I don't have anything against them, but even if I wanted to, I can't write about sex to save my life), but it's also because it's not what the story's about. The story's supposed to be about Souji, and something like that would kind of take the focus away from what he's dealing with. Hopefully people won't mind too much. Anyway, enjoy!
Summary: All he ever wanted was to feel like he was home.
[Chapter 2]
~*~*~*~
Souji released a shaky breath with each step he descended the staircase. 'So far so good,' he told himself. He just hoped that the rest of the night would go as well.
Reaching into his pocket, he fingered the leather keychain Yukiko had given him and smiled a little. He made a note to hook his keys on it later, wanting to make use of it. And he was glad that she enjoyed the cake he gave her. Thinking it over, it was better that he hadn't made the cake himself. He didn't want her to feel bad about her own cooking as she sometimes did already. If the evening ended on a note like this, then it would have been a good time.
But now that she was spending the night, he had to worry about the rest of their time together. And like Yukiko, he didn't know what they should do. He was aware of what couples tended to do on Christmas Eve, but he didn't want her to think he expected that from her. Since he was her first boyfriend, he didn't want to pressure her into something like that.
Besides, it was nice spending time with her. He enjoyed talking with her and making her smile…and he didn't even mind when she started laughing in that…way she did. It was nice just being with her.
Then again, it was nice just having anyone around again.
Placing a kettle on the stove, he frowned as he thought back to when Yukiko asked to stay the night. He had answered so quickly, so eagerly without even thinking about it. He really hoped that she didn't misinterpret his meaning.
He shook his head, taking some teacups from the cupboard. When did he get so desperate for a person's company? It was almost pathetic in a way.
But then, maybe he was always desperate for some company. He always seemed to do strange things to be with others…even if those attempts didn't always work out…
oOoOo
Blinking slowly, Souji found himself looking up at the ceiling. Confused, he sat up and was surprised to see that he was in his room.
'Did I fall asleep?' he wondered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was halfway through a yawn when realization struck him.
'If I fell asleep, then my parents…' He frowned, wishing they had woken him up.
Before disappointment could settle, though, he heard some noisy shuffling out in the hall. Listening for a moment, Souji then threw off the covers and jumped out of bed, dashing out towards the front door just in time to see his mother, dressed for work and slipping on her shoes.
"Mother," he called after her.
The woman paused and turned to look at the child.
Souji hesitated, silenced by the embarrassment of being unable to stay awake the previous night and the sadness of missing the chance to eat dinner with his parents.
The woman frowned. "Souji, I don't like what you did last night."
He stiffened. "Huh?"
"Sleeping at the table without eating," she clarified. "You shouldn't have done that. You're supposed to be a good boy and listen to me or your father or Ota-san. You know better than to cause trouble."
"I…" Souji fidgeted, his shoulders sagging as he looked at his feet. "Yes, Mother. I'm sorry."
The woman nodded, satisfied. "All right. I made breakfast for you. Make sure to eat it before going to school."
"Yes, Mother," he repeated obediently, his eyes rising just so slightly to look at his mother through his bangs.
But all he caught sight of was the trail of her hair as she left. Then the door closed, and she was gone.
oOoOo
The whistling of the kettle pulled Souji back to reality, and he shook his head to clear the memory from his mind. Now was not the time to be thinking of things like that. That was a long time ago, and he had gotten over it.
Right?
With another firm shake of his head, he set to work on the tea in front of him. He had someone important waiting for him upstairs.
Yukiko sat on the couch in Souji's room, fidgeting nervously with her red flannel pajamas. She had been so relieved that Souji had offered to make tea so that she could change. But she had to admit that, with every passing minute, she was beginning to regret the decision to spend the night.
Not that she didn't want to be with Souji. She did, honestly, more than anything. She loved spending time with him, to be with him after a day of their busy schedules, and talking with him about things besides the investigation. She loved him, as she told him just moments ago.
But when she had asked to stay, he had seemed so enthusiastic about the idea. And she couldn't deny how nervous that made her feel. Of course she trusted Souji, with all her heart, but…were they going to…? Could she really do that?
She jumped a little at the knock on the door. "Yukiko?" Souji called from the other side, and she released a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"Come in," she replied, her voice softer than she would have liked.
The door slowly opened, and she saw a gray eye peak through the crack, as though still checking to see if it was safe. She bit back a giggle as the door fully opened and Souji entered with a tray of tea.
With a small smile, he placed the tray on the table as she scooted over to make room for him on the couch. He sat beside her and took the cups, offering one to her.
"Thank you," she murmured. For some reason she was unable to look at him.
Things were silent for a moment, and Yukiko occupied herself with sipping her tea. Then Souji looked at her. "Something wrong?" he wondered.
"Um…" She played with the cup in her hands. "About…about me…spending the night…"
She risked a glance at him, and was struck by the miserable expression he wore; not in his face, his features remained as stoic as ever. But she could see it in his eyes, a pain so clear as if he'd just been rejected, and for that moment she felt her heart break.
Then he blinked and it was gone, and he looked as though he had expected her to say that. "Yes?" he prompted.
She bit her tongue, feeling more uncertain than ever. No matter how brief it had been, that look…she couldn't bear to be responsible for a look so forlorn like that, especially on someone like Souji. But what was she supposed to do?
Seeing that he was waiting for her to continue, she blushed a little and played with her hands on her lap. "I…I'd still like to stay tonight, if that's okay…"
Souji blinked, as though startled by that. "Really?"
She nodded. "But…I don't think I'm…ready…for anything else."
Looking up at him again, she was surprised to see that he was smiling. "That's okay," he said. "I wouldn't push you to do anything you don't want to do."
She sighed, relieved. "Really?"
His smile turned into a small smirk. "You don't believe me?"
Blushing, she shook her head. "No! I mean, yes! I mean…!" She cleared her throat, gathering her thoughts. "Thank you."
His smile warmed again, the kind that always made her heart melt. "Of course," he replied. "I understand."
And as he paused to drink his tea, Yukiko realized that he really did understand. Those few moments that she reconsidered staying the night, her parents' warnings about young men and "what they all were really after" echoed in her mind, and she had been afraid that that was the real reason Souji wanted her to stay. But even if he did want that, she could see that he was sincere when he said that he wouldn't push her if she didn't want to do it. It even seemed as though he anticipated events to turn out that way.
Which made Yukiko wonder; if he wasn't thinking about…that…then what else could have possibly made him look so upset before? Even if it was only a passing moment, why did he seem so hurt?
She didn't have much of a chance to consider it, however, when she caught the embarrassed expression that crossed Souji's face. "What?" she asked.
Souji gave a small, sheepish smile. "I just…hope you don't mind if we both still sleep in here tonight."
She blinked, heat once again filling her cheeks. "What?"
He chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his head. "Well, it's just kind of cold in the rest of the house…especially downstairs."
Yukiko frowned. She had noticed that when she arrived.
"It won't be too bad, though. I can sleep here…" he patted the couch, "and you can take my futon."
She looked to the futon in the corner of the room, then back to the couch. Though grateful that he was being so nice about this situation, she still felt rather guilty about her relief that they would be sleeping in two different places. Besides, there was one other thing she noticed. "Won't the couch be too small for you?"
Souji shrugged. "I'll manage."
She frowned and shook her head. "It'd probably be easier for me to sleep on the couch than you. I can sleep here, and you can keep your futon."
"The couch isn't that comfortable, to be honest."
"It's okay. I'm shorter, so I should be able to fit here better than you."
He gave her a quizzical tip of the head. "Are you sure?"
She smiled and nodded. It was the least she could do.
Hesitating for a moment, Souji finally acquiesced. "All right, if you say so." He rose to his feet, most likely to get things for her to sleep on, then paused and turned back to her. "But if you can't sleep, just wake me up. I'll be happy to switch places."
Yukiko laughed softly, politely. "Don't worry, Souji-kun. I'll be fine."
She should have just taken the futon.
With a soft sigh that echoed throughout the darkness, Yukiko rolled onto her back for probably the millionth time that night. Fidgeting to try and get relaxed, and failing, she groaned and rolled onto her side again and stared at the television across the room.
Souji wasn't kidding when he said the couch wasn't comfortable.
Tapping cold fingers against the cushion, she yawned and tried to think of what to do. Fatigue was weighing heavily on her, and all she wanted was to fall asleep. But she just couldn't on that couch. She already lost track of how long she lay there in the dark just trying. It was just too uncomfortable for her to sleep on.
If you can't sleep, just wake me up. I'll be happy to switch places.
She frowned as she heard Souji's words in her mind. She hated the thought of waking him up and asking him to switch for her, especially after insisting that she would sleep fine there. But she couldn't deny how temping the thought of sleeping on the futon was.
Her body twitched slightly, pleading for her to shift position again. Instead she pushed the blanket off her body and sat up, slipping off the couch and crossing the room to kneel by the futon.
"Souji-kun," she whispered, gently shaking his shoulder.
Souji rolled onto his back but did not wake, instead settling down again into a deeper sleep.
Yukiko pouted and placed her hand on his arm. "Souji-kun…you said I could wake you if I can't sleep. It's your turn on the couch now."
She was about to try shaking his shoulder again when he suddenly reached up, grabbing her by the wrist. She squeaked, frozen as she watched him.
"Don't go…" he whispered.
Yukiko blinked, wondering what he was dreaming about. Then her eyes widened as she watched a tear trail down Souji's cheek.
"Please…" he murmured again, "don't…leave me…alone…"
He released his grip on her wrist as his hand dropped back to the futon, but Yukiko stayed frozen where she was, her heart rapidly pounding as she stared at Souji. And as more drops trailed down his face, she could feel tears of her own burn behind her eyes.
What was he dreaming about that would cause such a reaction like that? How often did something like this happen? Were…were his dreams always like this?
Inhaling deeply, Yukiko swallowed and tried to think. It was beginning to make some sense now, why he had seemed so upset when he thought she was leaving. Even for that one instant, what she saw then was Souji at his most open, his most vulnerable…she had seen him unguarded, witnessed a side of himself that he hardly showed anyone.
She saw just how lonely he really was.
How could they have forgotten? Even Yosuke had pointed it out before; Souji had been living by himself ever since Nanako and Dojima were admitted in the hospital. That was nearly two months ago, but even though they knew, there had been so much going on that they didn't have time to dwell on it. And Souji never really said anything about it.
But Souji never talking about it didn't make him any less lonely.
Hesitantly Yukiko reached up, gently brushing Souji's bangs from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Souji-kun," she whispered.
Unlocking the door, Souji pushed it open and peaked inside. "I'm home," he called. But judging by the darkness down the hallway, he knew that there was no one around to hear him.
He removed his shoes and headed inside, looking around and confirming that the house was indeed empty. Not even Ota-san had stopped by yet.
He shuffled his feet as he headed into his room to put his bag away. It was okay, he told himself. He was getting used to coming home to an empty house. He would just wait until Ota-san came later.
As he headed into the living room to watch a little television, though, he paused as he passed by the kitchen, looking at the table. He wondered if he should try waiting for his parents again to eat dinner. Even though he had fallen asleep last night, he thought he'd be able to stay up tonight.
I don't like what you did.
Souji's stomach tightened as his mother's words repeated in his head.
You shouldn't have done that. You're supposed to be a good boy and listen to me or your father or Ota-san. You know better than to cause trouble.
'I'm sorry,' Souji thought, sniffling as he turned away from the table. 'I wasn't trying to cause trouble. I just wanted…things to be like they used to be. I wanted…I wanted us to be together again…'
oOoOo
His mind eased back to the waking world, but Souji kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, enjoying the warmth he was buried in. He didn't want to get up just yet. As he reached up to wipe away something irritating his eyes, he wasn't all that surprised to feel the gather of moisture building up behind his lids.
It always seemed to happen whenever he had that particular dream. And while the dream didn't come that often any longer, it had been more frequent since his uncle and cousin had been in the hospital.
Souji frowned a little. It was a bit embarrassing to still be having a dream like that, especially since he couldn't seem to stop crying about it. And he was surprised that he had dreams about when he was a kid, even after all these years. All that happened so long ago. He had gotten used to it already, and it shouldn't have bothered him anymore.
So why did it feel like it still did?
Ignoring the question for now, Souji stretched a little and rolled onto his side, finally opening his eyes…and was greeted with the sight of Yukiko's sleeping face right next to his.
Souji stiffened, his heart hammering in his chest. He was abruptly aware of the feeling of Yukiko's body curled up right next to him, and he wondered how he hadn't realized it before. How long had she been there? And why was she even there in the first place?
Suddenly she stirred and her eyes blinked open, and a twinge of worry crept into Souji's mind as she sleepily looked up at him. He certainly didn't remember her coming into his futon, so he was pretty sure that he hadn't done anything to force her into it. Even so, Yukiko (as well as the rest of the girls) had a tendency to overreact about things and lash out at him and the other guys, even if the guys weren't at fault. Even if he didn't know how she got there, it wouldn't stop her from getting angry at him if she so chose.
Then Yukiko smiled, and Souji relaxed a bit. At least she wasn't going to get mad at him. But he still questioned what she was doing there in the first place. If she hadn't wanted to sleep on the couch any longer, why hadn't she woken him? Maybe she was cold and was trying to get warm? But somehow that didn't seem right either. Climbing into bed with him implied something of intimacy, but Souji suspected that she hadn't changed her mind about that. So what had Yukiko been trying to accomplish?
And there was something about her smile…it was a small smile, gentle and sweet but almost indicating that she knew something. And then his stomach tightened as he realized that she did know something.
She knew…because she had seen him crying.
Self-consciously he closed his eyes, unable to look at her and not sure what to say. He never told any of them about this; not only because it was embarrassing, but because he wasn't sure that he could. They had required him to be a leader; calm throughout the investigation of a strange murder, strong as they battled their way through the strange television world. To be so upset about such a little thing…it certainly wasn't what any of them needed. And he was used to dealing with it on his own; it just didn't seem like sharing it was necessary.
And even if it was just a bit of his troubles, Yukiko had seen. So what was he supposed to do now?
He opened his eyes again when he felt Yukiko's hand on his arm, and he looked at her reluctantly. He wasn't sure how to handle the understanding gaze in her eyes. Then without a word she snuggled closer to him, burying her face in his chest. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Something in his chest throbbed, making the whole situation awkward and leaving him uncertain and confused.
But as Yukiko's warmth enveloped his body, he found that for now, he didn't really mind.
TBC
[Chapter 4]