Cooking for one and mazes of books
Aside from the normal, day-to-day struggles, I am doing so well right now. My bills are paid, I have groceries, great friends, the opportunity to learn new things and more books to keep me occupied than I know what to do with. But right now, it feels so empty. I miss my family.
My mother is the only member of my family that even speaks with me anymore. My sister, on multiple occasions, has stated her clear contempt for me and I couldn't fathom why. My dad won't even speak to me--he refuses to let me in the house if he's the only one home. Grandma has stopped talking to me and has made a point to say that if the family decides to fly to Arizona for Christmas this year, I am uninvited.
There are days when I hate those people with families that love them. Though my sister and I have never gotten along, I miss my dad the most. My real dad talks to me a few times a week but I have had the exact same conversation with him on the phone for the past ten years of my life. He's not my daddy. He is my father, the man who is biologically my dad. I was raised by my step-dad and now he won't even speak to me. It's been six months and he hasn't spoken more than a few words, which usually consist of "what are you doing here?" and "you should leave".
I spent some time with my mom yesterday and after a terse dinner (Mom insisted that Lauren come), I went to my cousin Joy's for the night. We laughed over beers about how she's passing the torch for the family's newest "black sheep". For the longest time, Joy was the subject of family gossip always doing one thing or another that no one approved of. Delightful.
After much thought and deliberation, I've decided to forgo Christmas at Mom and Dad's house this year. I will still go to the family dinner on Christmas Eve, assuming they don't decide to fly to Arizona but will not be attending festivities the following morning. Mom was heartbroken about it but I'm not the one who started this whole mess. Joy lectured me about being the bigger person and forgiving him but I just won't do it. i know that one of my faults is being prideful. I may even go so far as to say it's my worst sin but this I am not capable of being the bigger person. I am right, damnit, and will be be subjected to fowl looks, backhanded comments on a holiday that is supposed to be about family and Christ. The last holiday I attended at my parents, dad told me I wasn't welcome. I can't imagine three months from now, when it's been six already, will make any difference.
On the plus side, I got out some cookbooks the other day and began thinking about a Christmas feast for one. It will include biscuits and gravy for breakfast, stuffing, sweet potato and pecan pie (my Mom's recipe), honey glazed ham and some sort of magnificent dessert which i haven't decided on yet. It doesn't take as much work to cook dinner for one as it does for four.
Books, books, books. They need a support group for people with book problems, such as myself. My shelves are literally full. there's no room for any more books. So, what did I do today while running errands in Loveland? Bought four more, plus bringing home my mom's copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Should be fun though, reading some new stuff including Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson.
I have an addiction. I am so dooooomed.
My mother is the only member of my family that even speaks with me anymore. My sister, on multiple occasions, has stated her clear contempt for me and I couldn't fathom why. My dad won't even speak to me--he refuses to let me in the house if he's the only one home. Grandma has stopped talking to me and has made a point to say that if the family decides to fly to Arizona for Christmas this year, I am uninvited.
There are days when I hate those people with families that love them. Though my sister and I have never gotten along, I miss my dad the most. My real dad talks to me a few times a week but I have had the exact same conversation with him on the phone for the past ten years of my life. He's not my daddy. He is my father, the man who is biologically my dad. I was raised by my step-dad and now he won't even speak to me. It's been six months and he hasn't spoken more than a few words, which usually consist of "what are you doing here?" and "you should leave".
I spent some time with my mom yesterday and after a terse dinner (Mom insisted that Lauren come), I went to my cousin Joy's for the night. We laughed over beers about how she's passing the torch for the family's newest "black sheep". For the longest time, Joy was the subject of family gossip always doing one thing or another that no one approved of. Delightful.
After much thought and deliberation, I've decided to forgo Christmas at Mom and Dad's house this year. I will still go to the family dinner on Christmas Eve, assuming they don't decide to fly to Arizona but will not be attending festivities the following morning. Mom was heartbroken about it but I'm not the one who started this whole mess. Joy lectured me about being the bigger person and forgiving him but I just won't do it. i know that one of my faults is being prideful. I may even go so far as to say it's my worst sin but this I am not capable of being the bigger person. I am right, damnit, and will be be subjected to fowl looks, backhanded comments on a holiday that is supposed to be about family and Christ. The last holiday I attended at my parents, dad told me I wasn't welcome. I can't imagine three months from now, when it's been six already, will make any difference.
On the plus side, I got out some cookbooks the other day and began thinking about a Christmas feast for one. It will include biscuits and gravy for breakfast, stuffing, sweet potato and pecan pie (my Mom's recipe), honey glazed ham and some sort of magnificent dessert which i haven't decided on yet. It doesn't take as much work to cook dinner for one as it does for four.
Books, books, books. They need a support group for people with book problems, such as myself. My shelves are literally full. there's no room for any more books. So, what did I do today while running errands in Loveland? Bought four more, plus bringing home my mom's copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Should be fun though, reading some new stuff including Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson.
I have an addiction. I am so dooooomed.