You said I was an ugly duckling but I am rubber, you are glue.
Making everything new is my mantra lately.
I don't really say this often enough but lately, things are so good--rough, as per usual--but so good nonetheless. My hours at both jobs are steady and easily managed. I've been bringing enough money to spoil myself, which I'll admit needs to stop soon. Unfortunately, I am my fathers child and somewhat prone to indulgence. I like to shop--it's a serious problem. Over the past couple of months, I've bought a rug for my room, a new yoga mat, clothes, shoes, jewelry, movies, music. You name it, I've bought it for probably no necessary reason other than because I want to. Oh, it's such a problem...
Work is going so well at both my jobs. As mentioned, my hours are steady and I've just enough free time to see my friends. Though dancing has been on the backburner for sometime, I've managed to get by with very little withdrawals. Though, I honestly couldn't tell you how much longer this will last. At some point soon, I'm going to have to break down, sacrifice the sleep and go. Today, I spent an hour on itunes looking for new swing songs while doing my laundry at the laundromat.
I've been thinking quite heavily about what I want to do with my life once I'm in a position that allows me to go somewhere new. It came up in conversation when I was speaking with my manager Jason about our rain-heavy weather lately. I have spent so much time daydreaming about some place new--somewhere different, with new people and new experiences. Jason had asked me what I would do if I moved to a new city. "Live, love and be a writer."
Writing is what I want to do and I think I'm very good at it. God grants his children with abilities specific to their purpose. I may not be great at most things but I am gifted with words.
At least, this is what I've decided for right now. I find it terribly amusing how often my convictions change. When I first went into college, I was convinced that music is exactly the thing that I was destined to do with my life. Oh, how fickle we are as beings. Maybe I'm not as fickle as I think I am--maybe it just comes with the territory of being in this period of my life. Big things are happening..
I've been talking to my bank about possibly getting a new credit card. If my parents co-sign, I could get a card with a five-thousand dollar limit. This could mean so much for my future as a writer. If this happens, I can pay off my debt, including my car and go back to school in the fall. Of course, I'd still have the card to pay off but Lord knows that one monthly payment is a hell of a lot easier to manage than seven. With this, I could save for my trip to Europe in 2012, buy a new camera and make something of myself.
So much excitement!
I've been building new friendships and letting go of old ones. As hard as it is to let go of things you love, the turmoil is worth the end result. I believe that big things are going to begin happening in my world because God has been listening and I am ready for new adventures. He is ready to guide me. Some co-workers came over for a small party at my apartment last week and it was by far the most fun I've had in a while. The schedule of work, sleep, work, sleep, dance, repeat can be a little killer sometimes. It's nice to kick back every now and again with a few friends and ignore the world for a tick.
Books are invading my life as of late, too. I just started reading this new book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller which is totally freaking awesome. The book is described as nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality and it's very fitting. There are a handful of quotes that I've fallen in love with from this book but this one in particular just drives it home:
"It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things"
As far back as memory takes me, I was raised with a certain drive to do things, to be productive. God has a hell of a lot more patience than I do and He knows how to wait out my frustrations, my anger, my desire to get things done when it's not the right time. I've been somewhat bitter lately because, and I swear this is true, everyone on the entire freaking planet is getting married at the same damn time. Everyone I know is getting married, or having kids, or both, or just having babies. Whatever. It's all happening at the same time and I feel....alone. For the majority of my life, I've been alone. I've never really honestly liked the idea of dating. I'd rather skip the dating and just go straight into the deep relationship-y part of of loving someone. Having to spend the time to look presentable, to go through all the motions of getting to know a person and vice-versa is just so full of tedium. Ick. I'd rather skip all of it and just be myself with the man I'm going to eventually marry. But, God is telling me to be patient.
I've been having dreams lately of my wedding--whenever it comes. The Lord gifted me with prophecy, also. Since I was young, God gave me the ability to see things in my dreams before they happen and I am one hundred percent certain that my wedding will look like this. Just wish I knew who the freaking groom is....
Also, I really hope it happens after Amanda gets engaged because I do not want to lose a bet if I don't have to.
Oh, love. It's so freaking beautiful. Terrifying, sure, but beautiful nonetheless.
It's a grand moment when you realize that you believe in your own self-worth. A friend of mine, which is a term I should learn to use sparingly, revealed that a guy I happened to like a while back has basically been stomping around on our friendship and scoffing at the idea of me as someone who would make a great romantic partner. It's not well known, but I have something of a short fuse. Though it takes a lot to light, when I lose it, I can blow up a building. When she told me this, I could've taken out a city block. In my moment of anger, I confronted this guy, this worthless, arrogant, selfish boy and spoke to him words that I never thought I'd believe. "I happen to be a very attractive individual and some guy would be lucky to have me. You don't get by with feigning my friendship. You didn't even have the courage to tell it to me straight. You don't deserve Hannah." S/N--Hannah is his current non-girlfriend girlfriend. As far as I know, they sleep together and only to my recent knowledge he sleep around with everyone else, too.
It was kind of a clarifying moment. I was furious and hurt and angry that he would toy with my emotions like that. Now, it seems silly that I would lay eyes on someone like him.
Bah. I'm so fickle. And losing my brain. I think it's like two AM, or something. Maybe it's time for bed.
Another Donald Miller quote before bed, just because words are powerful:
"Writers don't make any money at all. We make about a dollar. It is terrible. But then again we don't work either. We sit around in our underwear until noon then go downstairs and make coffee, fry some eggs, read the paper, read part of a book, smell the book, wonder if perhaps we ourselves should work on our book, smell the book again, throw the book across the room because we are quite jealous that any other person wrote a book, feel terribly guilty about throwing the schmuck's book across the room because we secretly wonder if God in heaven noticed our evil jealousy, or worse, our laziness. We then lie across the couch facedown and mumble to God to forgive us because we are secretly afraid He is going to dry up all our words because we envied another man's stupid words. And for this, as I said, we are paid a dollar. We are worth so much more."
I don't really say this often enough but lately, things are so good--rough, as per usual--but so good nonetheless. My hours at both jobs are steady and easily managed. I've been bringing enough money to spoil myself, which I'll admit needs to stop soon. Unfortunately, I am my fathers child and somewhat prone to indulgence. I like to shop--it's a serious problem. Over the past couple of months, I've bought a rug for my room, a new yoga mat, clothes, shoes, jewelry, movies, music. You name it, I've bought it for probably no necessary reason other than because I want to. Oh, it's such a problem...
Work is going so well at both my jobs. As mentioned, my hours are steady and I've just enough free time to see my friends. Though dancing has been on the backburner for sometime, I've managed to get by with very little withdrawals. Though, I honestly couldn't tell you how much longer this will last. At some point soon, I'm going to have to break down, sacrifice the sleep and go. Today, I spent an hour on itunes looking for new swing songs while doing my laundry at the laundromat.
I've been thinking quite heavily about what I want to do with my life once I'm in a position that allows me to go somewhere new. It came up in conversation when I was speaking with my manager Jason about our rain-heavy weather lately. I have spent so much time daydreaming about some place new--somewhere different, with new people and new experiences. Jason had asked me what I would do if I moved to a new city. "Live, love and be a writer."
Writing is what I want to do and I think I'm very good at it. God grants his children with abilities specific to their purpose. I may not be great at most things but I am gifted with words.
At least, this is what I've decided for right now. I find it terribly amusing how often my convictions change. When I first went into college, I was convinced that music is exactly the thing that I was destined to do with my life. Oh, how fickle we are as beings. Maybe I'm not as fickle as I think I am--maybe it just comes with the territory of being in this period of my life. Big things are happening..
I've been talking to my bank about possibly getting a new credit card. If my parents co-sign, I could get a card with a five-thousand dollar limit. This could mean so much for my future as a writer. If this happens, I can pay off my debt, including my car and go back to school in the fall. Of course, I'd still have the card to pay off but Lord knows that one monthly payment is a hell of a lot easier to manage than seven. With this, I could save for my trip to Europe in 2012, buy a new camera and make something of myself.
So much excitement!
I've been building new friendships and letting go of old ones. As hard as it is to let go of things you love, the turmoil is worth the end result. I believe that big things are going to begin happening in my world because God has been listening and I am ready for new adventures. He is ready to guide me. Some co-workers came over for a small party at my apartment last week and it was by far the most fun I've had in a while. The schedule of work, sleep, work, sleep, dance, repeat can be a little killer sometimes. It's nice to kick back every now and again with a few friends and ignore the world for a tick.
Books are invading my life as of late, too. I just started reading this new book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller which is totally freaking awesome. The book is described as nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality and it's very fitting. There are a handful of quotes that I've fallen in love with from this book but this one in particular just drives it home:
"It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things"
As far back as memory takes me, I was raised with a certain drive to do things, to be productive. God has a hell of a lot more patience than I do and He knows how to wait out my frustrations, my anger, my desire to get things done when it's not the right time. I've been somewhat bitter lately because, and I swear this is true, everyone on the entire freaking planet is getting married at the same damn time. Everyone I know is getting married, or having kids, or both, or just having babies. Whatever. It's all happening at the same time and I feel....alone. For the majority of my life, I've been alone. I've never really honestly liked the idea of dating. I'd rather skip the dating and just go straight into the deep relationship-y part of of loving someone. Having to spend the time to look presentable, to go through all the motions of getting to know a person and vice-versa is just so full of tedium. Ick. I'd rather skip all of it and just be myself with the man I'm going to eventually marry. But, God is telling me to be patient.
I've been having dreams lately of my wedding--whenever it comes. The Lord gifted me with prophecy, also. Since I was young, God gave me the ability to see things in my dreams before they happen and I am one hundred percent certain that my wedding will look like this. Just wish I knew who the freaking groom is....
Also, I really hope it happens after Amanda gets engaged because I do not want to lose a bet if I don't have to.
Oh, love. It's so freaking beautiful. Terrifying, sure, but beautiful nonetheless.
It's a grand moment when you realize that you believe in your own self-worth. A friend of mine, which is a term I should learn to use sparingly, revealed that a guy I happened to like a while back has basically been stomping around on our friendship and scoffing at the idea of me as someone who would make a great romantic partner. It's not well known, but I have something of a short fuse. Though it takes a lot to light, when I lose it, I can blow up a building. When she told me this, I could've taken out a city block. In my moment of anger, I confronted this guy, this worthless, arrogant, selfish boy and spoke to him words that I never thought I'd believe. "I happen to be a very attractive individual and some guy would be lucky to have me. You don't get by with feigning my friendship. You didn't even have the courage to tell it to me straight. You don't deserve Hannah." S/N--Hannah is his current non-girlfriend girlfriend. As far as I know, they sleep together and only to my recent knowledge he sleep around with everyone else, too.
It was kind of a clarifying moment. I was furious and hurt and angry that he would toy with my emotions like that. Now, it seems silly that I would lay eyes on someone like him.
Bah. I'm so fickle. And losing my brain. I think it's like two AM, or something. Maybe it's time for bed.
Another Donald Miller quote before bed, just because words are powerful:
"Writers don't make any money at all. We make about a dollar. It is terrible. But then again we don't work either. We sit around in our underwear until noon then go downstairs and make coffee, fry some eggs, read the paper, read part of a book, smell the book, wonder if perhaps we ourselves should work on our book, smell the book again, throw the book across the room because we are quite jealous that any other person wrote a book, feel terribly guilty about throwing the schmuck's book across the room because we secretly wonder if God in heaven noticed our evil jealousy, or worse, our laziness. We then lie across the couch facedown and mumble to God to forgive us because we are secretly afraid He is going to dry up all our words because we envied another man's stupid words. And for this, as I said, we are paid a dollar. We are worth so much more."