fear of the unknown..:(

[usafgirl32]

ok.. so there are like 33 days till i leave and I feel like I am not nearly physically ready for BMT. I am scared to death. I am all worried I am goign to overtrain my body so I like purposely dont work out more than once a day= which is so stupid because I have played soccer for my whole life and I used to do double- triple sessions in college, when i didnt even work out all summer. I dont know..I am just being a lazy ass stupid person who is gona flunk out of bmt cuz i cant do a push up. My anxiety levels are jsut sky high and I dont know what to do. I have basically all the time  in the world to be working out and getting in shape, but there is liek something mentally wrong with me...Im such a fuckni lazy person id ont knwo what has got into me, like one day ill want to be doing lal these things and want to push msyelf but when it comes down to it i dont do it...grrrrrrr. WHY! blahh i hate the unknown....I just want to nkow that when it comes down to it, i want to freaking know I can do it,. I piss myself off because I used to be a different person. I used to be a FIGHTER and no matterwhat I would fucking do it and do mybest. This isnt me...but I want to be her again, I want to feel the pain of getting there and the glorious victory when I know i pushed myself hard enough to do it! thats what i want....gahhhhhh 
alright im going to sleepie
Night Loves!<3<3
Cris