hi
how weird is it how everything changes. every day changes.
me and dan are great. right when we got back home, all the destruction that was happening from last semester stopped. i guess he was just being a stupid guy -but then again what else is new. we'll see what happens next semester.
he turns 21 tomorrow. i feel so old. everything and everyone is getting older - i guess thats usually what happens, eh? i don't know, i just kinda feel at a standstill. i guess i'll be at this until i graduate.
dan lost my iguana. i mean, it wasn't intentional, but i've had her since junior year of high school so i'm a bit broken. he was cleaning the cage.. i was at work.. and let them roam around the room.. she ran into his moms room. no biggie. but when i looked for her.. i couldnt find her. i figured she was in a closet somewhere so i didnt bother. so then i looked for her the next 2 days. couldnt find her. finally, dan realized a window was open in his mom's room a crack... so she got out. i wish you would come back, fefe. =[
my friends... those i even hang out with.. are great. i love them. jess is jess. she works too much, and spends too much money. ive been hanging out with both amandas occassionally.. just read mackis xanga site - shes gone for the summer, so i probably wont see her until next december. jen is broken hearted... owen is missing. debbie is trying to find a replacement quick (poor girl). katie created a suicide note and was sent to the crazy house. ive hung out with her.. and shes still the same. minus darrell, plus kenny. katie b i talk to all the time every day. she is one of the few people that keep me sane. and can deal with my bullshit (almost) as good as dan. i'm more level headed and balanced now than ive ever been. and just sad sad sad over my dad at the same time. fefe didnt help.
my sister is good, she has a boyfriend now.. named dan .. the irony.
my dad is really sick. he is using less than 30% of his one lung. the doctor said if he gets as much as a cold he will most likely die. my sisters wont talk to him still, despite my begging. it is so heartbreaking. my mom puts on a shell, but she is broken. i hate being the one trying to bring them together. my mom begged me to get them to just talk to him before he goes. they are refusing.
i've been dealing a lot with letting go my past this summer, which is fine. its just the fact that i have a really hard time with that. its depressing when you see all the good you had with a person, and how they've changed. time never seemed to put distance between me and my past.. the irony in that. josh? i still wish in some parts of me that he was the same guy i started dating when i was a junior (and ended first semester freshman year lol). its sad because i miss him and i see that in him, but i see all the negative around him too. so i guess its probbably better i told him not to talk to me anymore.
or, like, carol. seriously, i wish she was the same carol i knew my freshman year. the one that i could do nothing with and it would still be an amazing time. i miss that part of her so badly, but what she did to me that semester just... i cant believe. all the lies. all the talking shit behind my back. its just, whenever i think of how much i miss her.. i think of how resentful i am and how bitter i am for what she did to me. i guess its better learned that best friends dont do that. i wish she jsut admitted it, and apologized. but then again, it would never be the same.
even stupid friends i keep dreaming about like jamie. freaking, i dont know why. we were best friends in 10th grade. shes competely different now. or even gerry - who is exactly the same. why do i have this yearning to talk to all these people from my past? its all a part of needing to grow up and let go i guess.
letting go is so moronic.
i miss fefe. i hope she comes back to me.
me and dan are great. right when we got back home, all the destruction that was happening from last semester stopped. i guess he was just being a stupid guy -but then again what else is new. we'll see what happens next semester.
he turns 21 tomorrow. i feel so old. everything and everyone is getting older - i guess thats usually what happens, eh? i don't know, i just kinda feel at a standstill. i guess i'll be at this until i graduate.
dan lost my iguana. i mean, it wasn't intentional, but i've had her since junior year of high school so i'm a bit broken. he was cleaning the cage.. i was at work.. and let them roam around the room.. she ran into his moms room. no biggie. but when i looked for her.. i couldnt find her. i figured she was in a closet somewhere so i didnt bother. so then i looked for her the next 2 days. couldnt find her. finally, dan realized a window was open in his mom's room a crack... so she got out. i wish you would come back, fefe. =[
my friends... those i even hang out with.. are great. i love them. jess is jess. she works too much, and spends too much money. ive been hanging out with both amandas occassionally.. just read mackis xanga site - shes gone for the summer, so i probably wont see her until next december. jen is broken hearted... owen is missing. debbie is trying to find a replacement quick (poor girl). katie created a suicide note and was sent to the crazy house. ive hung out with her.. and shes still the same. minus darrell, plus kenny. katie b i talk to all the time every day. she is one of the few people that keep me sane. and can deal with my bullshit (almost) as good as dan. i'm more level headed and balanced now than ive ever been. and just sad sad sad over my dad at the same time. fefe didnt help.
my sister is good, she has a boyfriend now.. named dan .. the irony.
my dad is really sick. he is using less than 30% of his one lung. the doctor said if he gets as much as a cold he will most likely die. my sisters wont talk to him still, despite my begging. it is so heartbreaking. my mom puts on a shell, but she is broken. i hate being the one trying to bring them together. my mom begged me to get them to just talk to him before he goes. they are refusing.
i've been dealing a lot with letting go my past this summer, which is fine. its just the fact that i have a really hard time with that. its depressing when you see all the good you had with a person, and how they've changed. time never seemed to put distance between me and my past.. the irony in that. josh? i still wish in some parts of me that he was the same guy i started dating when i was a junior (and ended first semester freshman year lol). its sad because i miss him and i see that in him, but i see all the negative around him too. so i guess its probbably better i told him not to talk to me anymore.
or, like, carol. seriously, i wish she was the same carol i knew my freshman year. the one that i could do nothing with and it would still be an amazing time. i miss that part of her so badly, but what she did to me that semester just... i cant believe. all the lies. all the talking shit behind my back. its just, whenever i think of how much i miss her.. i think of how resentful i am and how bitter i am for what she did to me. i guess its better learned that best friends dont do that. i wish she jsut admitted it, and apologized. but then again, it would never be the same.
even stupid friends i keep dreaming about like jamie. freaking, i dont know why. we were best friends in 10th grade. shes competely different now. or even gerry - who is exactly the same. why do i have this yearning to talk to all these people from my past? its all a part of needing to grow up and let go i guess.
letting go is so moronic.
i miss fefe. i hope she comes back to me.