&&this burning heart is getting old...

[urs_for_always]

wow...i haven't written in here in SO long. things are goin alright i guess. graduation is in about a month and half....and i go to Alaska the 26th of may. i'm stoked about that. get out of this disgusting place known as colorado springs. eh...it's so boring here. and i'm kinda sick of everything that's going on. i can't stand all the hypocrites and dictators known as my 'friends' and parents....=\ ok...so maybe things aren't really that great. but i think it's really just a bum day. things aren't terrible. i'm just in a sad/blah mood today....idk. maybe it's because we're in the middle of a blizzard...in the middle of april. it really sucks. that, and i'm just so sick of chasing chris. idk what i mean by chasing, but...idk....i just can't keep up w/ him. it's annoying. if you tell someone they're your best friend, you usually try to live up to that status...or at least treat them like that? but it's not that easy in his little world i guess. idk...we're on the phone right now. and i've been listening to him talk about how he doesn't connect w/ old friends anymore because they're "lost" or whatever....well basically, because they don't know if they're christians anymore? or they don't know where they're at.....i don't think that's very fair of him to say. you don't stop being friends w/ someone because they don't know if they're christians or not?? but then again...he said they've changed...so i guess that could be why they're not really friends anymore. eh. but anyways....after that, i sit and listen to him search for some band on the computer while i'm trying to tell him that i'm not going to prom and why....he slightly listens, but still doesn't know how to focus on anything but the task at hand...so again i go unnoticed. [haha...that's a song for those of you who don't know. =)]....and now i'm listening to him play his guitar. talking every few minutes?? this is just weird. i can't keep up w/ it anymore. i mean, it's a comfortable kind of akwardness....if you get what i mean. but...idk...it's just difficult. i can't keep just, letting everything go, after he's let me down several times.....it's not that easy. i love him to death, but i just don't feel the love? haha as corny as that soudns....eh. =\ but whatever......i'm done w/ that issue. so yah. blizzard today. hopefully no school tomorrow. i guess we'll have to see. that would be nice. =)
annnd......only 50 days until my birthday. oh JOY!! well...i guess that's about it for me. i'm gonna go eat something scrumcious...like maybe fried rice. =) ♥