looking up.
all this time i have been saying i am getting my crap together, but really i think i have been starting to but half assing it, using every excuse to get out of it and just whatever. in the recent i have been doing it full on growing up. its scary but i feel better about myself then i thing i ever have and def. for the longest time.
Im tired of being that stupid kid that gets away with shit because i am just the stupid kid, sure of course i love getting away with shit but i want to face my faults and deal with them with more maturity.
I have always expected to be treated older or whatever but i never really deserved it even when i got it.
For the longest time i have been searching for something with friends and i don't even know what it was but i've come to terms that, people aren't who they were when we were little kids running around with out any issues and when the time came to developing issues, shit just changed and thats how it is. I have what i need but its just the distance thing but they are all always in my heart and in my mind.
Im going to continue to work on myself and work hard in school so that i can do everything that i want to do.
and even if i fall short of what is expected i will do what ever i need to get in line.
as for the normal things that always seem to put a damper on my life, trying to not let them get to me
like this guy who has seemed to always pop in and out of my life, generally when it worked more for him but i always let it go because i always liked him. this is the last time, if i am not enough then you can go find the girl who you think is enough but its your loss. for now with guys, its just me and entourage.
things to look forward to:
- the aunty and uncle coming to visit next weekend
-ACT
-the used concert
- turning 18 (woot woot)
- nicole and pauls wedding
- fucking graduation'
well i have to read for school, as well as a crap load of other shit that isnt all that bad.
Im tired of being that stupid kid that gets away with shit because i am just the stupid kid, sure of course i love getting away with shit but i want to face my faults and deal with them with more maturity.
I have always expected to be treated older or whatever but i never really deserved it even when i got it.
For the longest time i have been searching for something with friends and i don't even know what it was but i've come to terms that, people aren't who they were when we were little kids running around with out any issues and when the time came to developing issues, shit just changed and thats how it is. I have what i need but its just the distance thing but they are all always in my heart and in my mind.
Im going to continue to work on myself and work hard in school so that i can do everything that i want to do.
and even if i fall short of what is expected i will do what ever i need to get in line.
as for the normal things that always seem to put a damper on my life, trying to not let them get to me
like this guy who has seemed to always pop in and out of my life, generally when it worked more for him but i always let it go because i always liked him. this is the last time, if i am not enough then you can go find the girl who you think is enough but its your loss. for now with guys, its just me and entourage.
things to look forward to:
- the aunty and uncle coming to visit next weekend
-ACT
-the used concert
- turning 18 (woot woot)
- nicole and pauls wedding
- fucking graduation'
well i have to read for school, as well as a crap load of other shit that isnt all that bad.