(no subject)
trust, its a big issue.
i remember i was in this relationship once.. a long time ago and.. i trusted the guy sooo much. so much to the point where i let him get away with shit that i wouldnt stand for today. he cheated on me and i was crushed... i mean completely crushed. i was fucking depressed, i wouldnt eat i couldnt sleep. all i could do was think about what had happened to me. i cried every fucking night for almost 2 months. i thought my life was over. then i fucking woke up one day and realized that he wasnt worth the heart ache anymore. i wish that i can say that i learned from it but i didnt. because after that i was involved with stupid boys that did the same shit to me... and i was completely oblivious about it because i trusted them with everything i had.
there really is only one relationship that ive had where there was hardly anything ever wrong with us. we rarely argued, and he never cheated on me. he treated me good. there was talk about marriage after my 19th birthday but it ended and... i accepted it. it wasn't easy but i knew it had to be done. there was that one thing that separated us, that made us feel so distant from each other. that one thing that couldn't be changed, the thing that went ignored for a long time... i mean... how do you tell the person that you had been in love with for almost a year that it had to end over something that seemed fixable.. but we both knew it wasn't. telling someone you love them... then two seconds later break up with them? that shit fucked me up. then i leaned on the one person that i wish i could erase from my memory the one person who showed me what it feels like to be used and abused. out of everything in my life i wish that i never ever had any relation with that person. there really is no words to describe him because he is in a category of his own. hes a whole new species that derived from the makings of the devil. all the times that people have lied to me in my entire life falls soooooo short to how many times that motherfucker lied to me in one day. but enough about him hes not worth talking about.
i guess now, for me... there's going to be a trust factor in the relationship i'm in. because i've heard all the lame sorry excuses, i've heard all the lies, all the bullshit from past "relationships" and its getting in the way of me being completely happy with someone i know i can trust more than anybody i know. well at least id like to think so. see what i mean? wtf. i trust him completely. except in the back of my head i like to think that i trust him up to the point where i feel comfortable enough to not get hurt. its not wrong to question things when it comes up, because i'm looking out for me this time. history will not be repeated for the gagillionth time!
i love jesse, oh my Lord do i love that man...!!
i remember i was in this relationship once.. a long time ago and.. i trusted the guy sooo much. so much to the point where i let him get away with shit that i wouldnt stand for today. he cheated on me and i was crushed... i mean completely crushed. i was fucking depressed, i wouldnt eat i couldnt sleep. all i could do was think about what had happened to me. i cried every fucking night for almost 2 months. i thought my life was over. then i fucking woke up one day and realized that he wasnt worth the heart ache anymore. i wish that i can say that i learned from it but i didnt. because after that i was involved with stupid boys that did the same shit to me... and i was completely oblivious about it because i trusted them with everything i had.
there really is only one relationship that ive had where there was hardly anything ever wrong with us. we rarely argued, and he never cheated on me. he treated me good. there was talk about marriage after my 19th birthday but it ended and... i accepted it. it wasn't easy but i knew it had to be done. there was that one thing that separated us, that made us feel so distant from each other. that one thing that couldn't be changed, the thing that went ignored for a long time... i mean... how do you tell the person that you had been in love with for almost a year that it had to end over something that seemed fixable.. but we both knew it wasn't. telling someone you love them... then two seconds later break up with them? that shit fucked me up. then i leaned on the one person that i wish i could erase from my memory the one person who showed me what it feels like to be used and abused. out of everything in my life i wish that i never ever had any relation with that person. there really is no words to describe him because he is in a category of his own. hes a whole new species that derived from the makings of the devil. all the times that people have lied to me in my entire life falls soooooo short to how many times that motherfucker lied to me in one day. but enough about him hes not worth talking about.
i guess now, for me... there's going to be a trust factor in the relationship i'm in. because i've heard all the lame sorry excuses, i've heard all the lies, all the bullshit from past "relationships" and its getting in the way of me being completely happy with someone i know i can trust more than anybody i know. well at least id like to think so. see what i mean? wtf. i trust him completely. except in the back of my head i like to think that i trust him up to the point where i feel comfortable enough to not get hurt. its not wrong to question things when it comes up, because i'm looking out for me this time. history will not be repeated for the gagillionth time!
i love jesse, oh my Lord do i love that man...!!