Jun 03, 2007 17:34
I'm sad for no reason today. I'm just down. Really down. I dont need to be upset that Kev and Bob went to a movie together, but today was kinda supposed to be our day since tomorrow im getting my teeth taken out and he took off. I don't know. Things with him got so overly complicated. I mean, I'm not good and just telling someone how I feel. I like to keep a layer of unknown over me, and I dont wanna tell him everything. I dont want him to know it all because then what kind of surprise will i ever have to provide for him. but I cant explain that to him. I cant explain anything to him. I'm always so afraid that my next words will be our demise. and I have every right to think that because if i said that his shit smelled sweet at the wrong time we could be over forever. I walk on eggshells but it's addicting and I enjoy it. I mean, i dont enjoy it, but I just, I need to know how to start opening up to him so I can avoid arguments. Im so sick of feeling so down because I dont know how to make him happy. And I need to be happy. He needs to be there for me, but he's not going to be for very much longer and it kinda scares me. I mean, I loved Corey. i did. with all my heart. but kevin is different. he's deeper. he wants to know everything. he wants everything to be perfect and he lets me know all the time how much my opinion and happiness means to him, I just don't understand how he can be such a selfish person. especially lately. I love him I just wish i could understand him.