*sigh*
ugh.. i feel...wierd today.. i really miss my friends... i'm sorry that i get so upset. sometimes i can't stop myself *even though i could if i really tried* i just feel like such a failure. i can't be a girlfriend, friend or even aquaintance. i'm sorry. alot is going on in my life and i get confused. i don't think about anything i do until after i do it.. what the fuck is wrong with me?!? i am such a fucking failure. holy shit. what am i going to do without aj? i feel like i have already lost him. what am i going to do? who will i go to? i miss aj. i really am such a fucking idiot. holy shit, why can't i just do anything right? why can't i be what he wants? why can't i be what anyone wants? i am two sided. i have my honest loving side which loves the gentle and normal... and then i have the dark side which loves to be hurt and which loves to abuse in return. my light side just wants to be happy, but the other side refuses and will not let me be free of the depression which has it's tight grip on my ankle as i try to run away.. damiel is irritated with me. he says it's because i can't make up my mind. i think it is because there is no choice to make. i don't understand. do i actually make anyone happy? can i? i don't think so. you may say i do but when was the last time i did anything to make you happy? why did i turn away everyone i thought i loved? what is wrong with me? i am such a dipshit. i can't be a daughter, sister, lover, girlfriend or friend. i am nothing. i am shit. nothing. nada.
my two sides
again my two sides
i'm such a fucking failure
failure
i'm chained and i don't know how to help myself
i just don't know.
vicious ACTUALLY KILLS SPIKE?!?!?!?!?!! what is this world coming to?!?!?!