(no subject)
I am a horrible person/friend, sometimes. Ugh. Same situation, different year, same name, different person. I just...it took so long to prove that I could handle being just friends. But I still get excited the moment I spot him in a room. So. Then I get mad at myself for being so eager, so I end up saying nothing at all, so I don't feel so crazy. But then there are hurt feelings, and I should've just ignored what will never get overanalyzed by anyone but me in the first place. I guess if I explained more than I let myself, I would've said how exhausting it is to try and pretend you don't like someone when it seems like it finally worked, but it didn't make the feeling go away. I mean, I don't even know what I'd do if the tables were reversed, and it ever finally worked, but that doesn't change my initial reaction every time we speak or hug or the eye contact where I pray you can't see through me, but simultaneously hope you do, and don't care anymore.
Ha. I think when I was thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, I thought there was a magic number of age you'd reach where this sillyness seized to exist. Here I am at twenty two, and I don't think I can trick myself into thinking that anymore.
Ha. I think when I was thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, I thought there was a magic number of age you'd reach where this sillyness seized to exist. Here I am at twenty two, and I don't think I can trick myself into thinking that anymore.