ugh.
I don't know what's up with this journal. It's all... crapified. Why does it look so crappy all of a sudden?
So I'm really lucky because I get to have nightmares all night about Alicia stealing AJ away, or what's happened with the baby, or monsters chasing me around all night. Every night. All night. It never stops.
The sad part is that I would STILL rather stay asleep all day than be awake at all.
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Alicia. And AJ doesn't give a shit. "She's my friend and I'm not going to stop talking to her."
I don't smile anymore. I realize sometimes that some things are funny, and a smirk, but to me... it's a waste of energy.
I feel horrible about this... but I WANT AJ to hurt. After all the bullshit he put me through, and all the pain I'm STILL going through. I want him to hurt. I want to be with him, and I love him. But I want him to understand how absolutely disgusting I feel, and how much I hate myself right now.
I hate this house. There is NO privacy. We keep our doors open ALL THE TIME (on the inside, not the outer doors) so people just walk right into the rooms whenever they want to. Ok, but I don't want AJ's brother, or father walking in on me while I'm getting dressed. They go "knock knock knock" and then let themselves right in.
So, I talked to AJ last night about him FINALLY getting a job, (which he still hasn't, and unemployment still hasn't paid him. Serves him right for boasting about how much money he's getting for not doing shit) and me getting a second job and us moving into our own place because I hate it here. "I like it here I don't want to go" Ok, but I DON'T like it here. So I don't know if you're seeing a trend in EVERYTHING that happens between us, but AJ... ALWAYS gets his fucking way, he's a spoiled brat and I'm fucking tired of it. So I've decided that fine, he can stay here. I'm getting a second job, and I'm going to move into my OWN little place for like $500.00-$600.00 a month. Which I CAN afford if I get a second job. I'm not leaving him. He'll still be my boyfriend. but I'm not going to deal with this stupid bullshit. Sorry. I'm not down with living in such an open house.
FUCK YOU ALL!!!
I feel like I have more to update about. But I guess I don't. Talk to you all later. Bye.
So I'm really lucky because I get to have nightmares all night about Alicia stealing AJ away, or what's happened with the baby, or monsters chasing me around all night. Every night. All night. It never stops.
The sad part is that I would STILL rather stay asleep all day than be awake at all.
I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Alicia. And AJ doesn't give a shit. "She's my friend and I'm not going to stop talking to her."
I don't smile anymore. I realize sometimes that some things are funny, and a smirk, but to me... it's a waste of energy.
I feel horrible about this... but I WANT AJ to hurt. After all the bullshit he put me through, and all the pain I'm STILL going through. I want him to hurt. I want to be with him, and I love him. But I want him to understand how absolutely disgusting I feel, and how much I hate myself right now.
I hate this house. There is NO privacy. We keep our doors open ALL THE TIME (on the inside, not the outer doors) so people just walk right into the rooms whenever they want to. Ok, but I don't want AJ's brother, or father walking in on me while I'm getting dressed. They go "knock knock knock" and then let themselves right in.
So, I talked to AJ last night about him FINALLY getting a job, (which he still hasn't, and unemployment still hasn't paid him. Serves him right for boasting about how much money he's getting for not doing shit) and me getting a second job and us moving into our own place because I hate it here. "I like it here I don't want to go" Ok, but I DON'T like it here. So I don't know if you're seeing a trend in EVERYTHING that happens between us, but AJ... ALWAYS gets his fucking way, he's a spoiled brat and I'm fucking tired of it. So I've decided that fine, he can stay here. I'm getting a second job, and I'm going to move into my OWN little place for like $500.00-$600.00 a month. Which I CAN afford if I get a second job. I'm not leaving him. He'll still be my boyfriend. but I'm not going to deal with this stupid bullshit. Sorry. I'm not down with living in such an open house.
FUCK YOU ALL!!!
I feel like I have more to update about. But I guess I don't. Talk to you all later. Bye.