Fic: Nathan/Haley: Part 2. 1/1
--
And across town, in an equally empty bed in a hotel room that she’ll never quite feel as comfortable in as she did once upon a time in her childhood bedroom with the forefathers watching over her as she did everything she loved, including practicing to be the singer she is today.
She’s got Nathan Scott on her mind, because damn him, it’s been years, and he’s still good looking and charming and even a little sweet, despite everything he did to her back when she was young, hopeful, and naïve, and in love with the idea of being the girl who changed the bad boy, made him something good and loveable.
She never was that girl, in hindsight, but god, she wanted it with him, everything with him, and all she came away with was a broken heart and material for a few songs that would become hits.
She can’t help but wonder what exactly he’s missing, what part of her he misses the most, because he was the one who walked away first, bitter words hanging in the air, and never tried to make it right until tonight, when it seems like it’s a fair few years too late.
She knows him well enough to know that this is probably the only time he’s going to try, because he’s spent a lifetime being rejected by those supposed to love him.
She calls her mom, instead, because if she lays here any longer, with him on her mind, she’ll end up screaming or crying or staying awake obsessing until the dawn breaks.
Her mother chatters away with abandon, in only the way Lydia can. But there’s only so much Haley can take, before she takes a breath and says, “I saw Nathan tonight, mom.”
There’s a long pause, and then the questions begin, because the woman lacks restraint. “Did you see him on a billboard? On TV?”
“At my show. Backstage, waiting for me when I came off.”
“It’s been…”
“Too long, and not long enough.” Haley replies, because it feels like the truest statement she could say, in a long list of things she wants to say.
“He misses me.” She informs her mother in a quiet voice, and she needed to hear those words out loud to believe they were real, that it happened.
“So he should. But tell me, is he still as good looking as he looks on TV?”
“Oh mom,’ she says, “you have no idea.” And they both laugh, because it’s not exactly a hidden secret that despite what he did to her daughter and her daughter’s best friend, she finds Nathan Scott undeniably attractive and may or may not have grabbed his ass accidentally on purpose the first time Haley brought him home.
It’s still a family joke. They still laugh about it, and now it’s used as a test to all the boyfriends Haley brings home, because they need to know he’s got a sense of humour before they give him the okay.
“You know what you need to do.” Lydia informs her, and it’s not exactly what she wants to hear, but she knows what this means.
It’s not exactly the first time that they’ve had this conversation, and it probably won’t be the last. “Listen to your heart” is the unspoken words that follow.
The only hard part is that she doesn’t want to listen to what her heart is saying, because she’s scared to death of being hurt again, of being that sixteen year old alone on the docks watching the retreating back of the boy she thought she was falling in love with walk away.
She can’t picture him as a changed, grown up person, the kind of guy that makes six years of hating, hurting and heart break worth the wait, because they man up and are ready to right their wrongs.
She can’t picture him as being anything but the guy who looks after himself and his needs first, with little or no consideration for the feelings of anyone else, as long as he stays on top.
Even if that means he’s alone.
But at the same time, she can’t stop picturing what he looked like as he stood in front of her tonight, tan and muscular, looking the same but different, still making her heart beat fast as she had to force herself to remember how much he’d hurt her, how much she desperately wanted to still hate him for the things he did and said when they were sixteen and she was falling helplessly in love with him.
She dials the number of her other source of reasoning.
Because of all the things she wants to do, this is the safest decision she thinks she can make right now.
--
“He’s a prick, Haley, he’s always been less than you deserved, and while I don’t know what he is like now, and quite frankly, don’t want to know, I want you to know that no matter what you feel or what you think, you deserve so much better than Nathan Scott. But at the same time, if you think there are feelings there, if you think you can forgive him for all the shitty things he did to you, and you think there’s a point to seeing him, seeing what the hell he wanted tonight, what his plans are, then do it. And I’ll be here for you no matter what, because you’re my best friend and I love you and I know how it feels to have someone you never get over, except I’m getting married to mine and I don’t think I’d want you to have that future with him unless he really, truly has changed. Anyway. I promised Broody I’d try and be nice about his brother, but you can do better, but you need to do what’s right for you. And if it’s seeing Nathan and maybe becoming Naley all over again, then… maybe it’s worth a try. I can always kill him if he hurts you again. Start slow, Haley, just protect your heart, protect everything, because we don’t know what he’s like now, we just know what he did once upon a time and what he was capable of once.”
There’s a long silence as Haley tries to take in everything Brooke has told her, tries to figure out if it’s approval, disapproval, or what exactly she’s trying to say in all the words she’s just said in her usual bouncy “Tigger” way.
“But Tutor Girl, let’s look at it this way. How about you go out for coffee or for a drink with him next time you’re in the same town. Because it’s been over six years since you’ve talked to him, you haven’t talked to him or so much as looked at him since that day on the docks… Maybe you’ll see him again and things will just be over.”
Brooke sounds so hopeful that Haley doesn’t have the heart to tell her that tonight, when she saw Nathan Scott again, things most definitely did not feel over.
“I’ll always be your safe place, Hales. No matter what goes down, no matter how it ends, you’ll always have me. I love you.” Brooke finishes, and Haley’s silent for another minute, just processing.
Something Brooke’s said has made words burn in her throat with longing. Words that need to be said, something she’s been hiding from the girl she’s called her best friend for almost seven years, and never told her. It’s never really come up, she’s never really asked, but for some reason, Haley knows that tonight, she needs to come clean and confess.
“It’s not true. That we haven’t talked since… everything happened.”
“That bullshit congratulations he tried to give you at graduation does not count as anything, Hales.”
“No. We talked after things ended but before graduation.”
There’s a long silence, and she knows Brooke has a million questions she wants to ask.
“After prom, that night… I saw him. I meant it, that night, when I cried and told you he had all my firsts.”
“Oh, Haley.” She hears the pity in Brooke’s voice, and she hates it. Because it’s not like it was unpleasant. It was Nathan, and she loved him, and she knew he was leaving and she was leaving and they’d never see each other again, because they were over and he didn’t love her enough, but for one night, she let herself believe he did, that there was a chance he loved her, as he whispered apologies in her ear as he made her feel things and her body feel things she’d never even imagined possible, even after reading the romance novels she hid under her bed. It was memorable and given the situation it was perfect and everything she wanted… except for the morning after where he kissed her, got out of her bed, and carried on with his life as if nothing had happened.
“It’s okay. We both got what we wanted out of the situation, we were young, and it just goes to show that sometimes the smart girl can be really, really stupid. It was a long time ago, Brooke, I had feelings for him I couldn’t escape, prevent, or stop, and it happened. I have no regrets.”
“You need to see him, Haley. And not just backstage after a show. You need to talk to him, talk all of this out, talk about all the things he did to you and said to you and made you feel, how angry, how hurt you were, and this is just the beginning. It can’t be all polite and friendly. You’re angry, he hurt you, you didn’t want to see him again, and now I fully understand why. He needs to tell you he’s going to be more than the boy who leaves you in the bed with the cold sheets and screwing around with you because it benefits him, because it’s more to him than just a way of fucking over Lucas or because he’s a bitter, sad, twisted little boy. I don’t know if he’s that person now. I really have no clue. I can’t see him being that boy he was six years ago considering he showed up tonight for god knows what reason, but you need to find out what he’s doing, why he’s doing it now, and you really, really need to just be brave and talk to him. And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
Haley sighs, because she knows it’s true, that the words leaving her best friends lips on the other end of the line are true, and there’s a strong fighting part of her that just wishes her best friend had told her to just carry on with her life and forget about the part that Nathan Scott once played.
But that’s not honesty, and that’s not the kind of friendship they have.
She says good night, tells her best friend she loves her and thanks her for everything, and rolls over to the cold side of the pillow and tries not to think of prom night and the morning that followed, of sharing a bed with someone you thought might actually share a large part of your heart, only to wake up cold and alone.
Brooke’s right, she knows. It’s time to end this or begin this once and for all, because she’s not moving forward, she’s not moving backwards, she’s just stagnant in the middle, and she’s never going to go anywhere until she knows.
She just doesn’t think it will be tonight.
She’s not ready for it to be tonight.
She flips the card over again, finds his number, and quickly taps out a message.
[Thanks for the flowers. Seeing you was a shock, but I appreciate you coming all the same. Hope things are well, superstar. Haley.]
She feels stupid and immature and a tad pathetic as she clicks send, and cringes at the inclusion of her name.
She switches her phone off after that, and tries to let sleep come.
--
And that’s how it begins.
Little text messages as they go about their days, her on her tour around the country, what she’s doing, what she’s seeing, who she’s met. His about training and practice and games. It’s casual and it’s normal and even though her heart beats every time she sees his name on her message ID, she feels safe and secure because they aren’t talking about anything important, anything involving feelings or thoughts and it’s safe, it’s normal, and even just a little friendly.
It’s also avoidance, but she’s okay with avoiding for now.
And then he calls her, one night, when she’s in a big empty hotel room watching the lights of another nameless city twinkling below her window and across the skyline.
It stuns her a little bit, to the point where she drops her phone, but she’s smiling as she picks up the phone, hears his breathing on the other end, and all the words go out of her mind completely. She’s blushing, and she knows sixteen year old Nathan would be teasing her incessantly if he could see her now.
“Um. Hi.” She says, and it’s awkward and he laughs a little, and then makes some comment that she thinks may have been meant as a pick up line that makes her roll her eyes at her phone.
She tells him about the show she’s just finished and rambles on and on even though she knows she’s undoubtedly sounding ridiculous and he’s probably wondering why on earth he even talks to her, and lets him talk to her about the way his muscles keep spasming because of the exertion and the toll basketball is currently taking on his body.
And then he says he wants to see her, and she doesn’t really have a response for that.
There’s two Nathan’s in her head, and one is sixteen and breaking her heart, and one is this one, who makes her smile and laugh and feels worlds away from the one she used to love, but still could, and she doesn’t know what to do with that information.
“Maybe.” She says, and it’s meant to sound teasing and cute, but he tells her he means it and the conversation becomes stilted.
“Night Hales.” He says eventually, when they’ve covered all aspects of the weather in the two cities they’re in, and there’s nothing left to talk about.
She falls asleep with a smile on her face, hearing his voice tell her she’s beautiful, and she wishes he didn’t make her feel the way he did, like it’s uncontrollable and like she’s free falling without a net, and like she’ll never feel as strongly for anyone else as she does for him.
--
Brooke invites her to some charity basketball game when her tour stop happens to take her to the same city. She dresses cute and casual as she catches up over wine with her best friend, hearing about wedding plans and dress designs and all the other things she tries not to feel envious about, because yes, it’s a future she wants one day. And once upon a time, she’d kind of imagined standing on a beach with his hand in hers, saying vows and professing his love for her as he slides a ring onto her finger, but that was really just a dream.
Brooke knows that she and Nathan have been exchanging text messages and the occasional phone call and is sort of amused by it, by the fact that Nathan Scott is still hung up all over the girl who tutored him in high school and he treated like shit, and six years hasn’t changed the fact that “little” Haley James has always been that one girl who meant more to the biggest player she knew.
And then they walk into the game, and Haley is suddenly very, very aware that this is a charity that Nathan’s put his face to. That he’ll be there tonight, hot, sweaty, and playing in front of her, where they have very obvious front row seats. And this night suddenly just got a whole lot more awkward.
Especially when it takes him approximately three minutes of being on the court before he sees her, and a carefully masked smile breaks out across his face, before he nods in her direction.
And that’s when more people turn to look at her, because Brooke squeals and grabs her hand as she nudges her and tells her that it’s like high school all over again, “one big love rectangle” except now there’s actually defined pairs and everyone knows who likes who. Including media, who are curiously looking at any interaction between her and already photographing her appearance at his game.
At half time, he comes over to her and Brooke, tipping back his bottle of water. She is not watching the way his throat contracts, not wanting to run her fingers over the muscles of his biceps, clearly defined in that jersey.
She’s staring, and she blushes and looks away as he and Brooke bicker beside her when she realises. He bends down, all good looks and sweaty body and truly, truly gorgeous, and looks her in the eyes.
“Aren’t you going to give me a hug?” He says and she laughs and pushes him away slightly. She really, really wants to feel his arms around her, she can’t pretend. It’s something she’s wanted since they started exchanging these late night phone calls and text messages and realised just how big and empty her hotel room bed is.
And it leads to thoughts of the two nights they shared together, tangled up together in her sheets in her tiny childhood bedroom, where she’d wondered if it was possible to love someone forever that you met at sixteen.
And she’d really, really hoped she would, and that maybe one day, he’d love her the same way.
She stands up, and he wraps his arms around her, inhaling her scent. It feels normal and natural and perfect and them and she wants this more often.
She realises she’s wanted to see him just as much as he’s wanted to see her these past few months of text messages and phone calls.
He finally lets go, shoots her a wink, and goes back to join his team.
And when they win, his arms are back around hers as he asks if she could wait while he takes a shower and then they could maybe go and get a drink somewhere. She can’t say no, not when he’s looking at her like that, and Brooke’s clutching her arm.
So they sit on the bleachers and it’s like high school all over again. Brooke’s talking in her ear about how this time, she really thinks maybe this could be it for both of them, that this is going to mean so much more because it’s been six years and they’ve grown up and know what they want and who they want and six years while still feeling something so strong for each other obviously means something.
And Haley really, really wants to believe her.
--
In a dimly lit bar, he sits across from her, and he’s playing with her fingers as he talks about the city he calls home and how it’s worlds away from the tiny town they grew up in.
She can’t deny that she has butterflies, and that she’s a little bit nervous, and that she feels like this boy, this man in front of her, knows everything about her, and that she wants everything he says and does to mean absolutely everything to her.
It’s amazing to have a conversation with someone who understands how your life works - practices, rehearsals, hotel rooms in different cities, living out of a suitcase of most of the year. He says he can’t be with anyone who doesn’t understand that life, she wants to believe he just can’t be with anyone who isn’t her.
They toast to new beginnings, to starting over, and she really, really thinks this might be it.
He kisses her at the end of the night, and it’s like that first time on her parent’s front lawn all over again.
She throws caution to the wind and lets him take her home, to his house, and shows her around. She’s not going to lie. If they found themselves in a relationship, she could really, really see herself living here. One day.
He makes off handed comments that make her wonder if he’s kind of thinking the same.
He cooks her a midnight dinner of macaroni and cheese while he fries himself a steak, and they sit across from each other at his kitchen counter, their feet tangled together underneath as they talk and laugh and it’s like a first date they really should have had way back when.
She can’t help but lean across and kiss him when he’s pouting about something she’s teasing him about. He’s adorable and sweet and six years without him has just been too long.
They fall into his bed and he whispers apologies as they make up for lost time, in between kisses and the synced movements of their bodies together. Afterwards, he pulls her into his arms so her head is resting on his chest, their fingers tangled together.
“’Love you.” He says, and there’s silence and it’s awful. “I think I always have. I’m so sorry for fucking things up, but shit, we were kids, and it was me. I didn’t think I was gonna love anyone, didn’t exactly have the best role models for it, either.”
She’s silent for a while, before she says it back. Her heart is pounding so hard in her chest, because there’s a part of her that’s wondering if she’ll wake up in his bed tomorrow cold and alone, or if she’ll wake up in a hotel room in some distant city realising it’s all just been one beautiful dream.
“I’m gonna make it up to you, Hales. Seriously, even if it takes forever, I’m going to.” He’s looking at her in the darkness, and it’s been a long time since she’d ever thought she could believe the words leaving his lips, but she knows he means this.
She thinks forever might start today.
--
The next morning, he’s looking at her when she wakes up.
“I don’t want to leave, but I gotta go to training.” He kisses her, strokes his hand up her bare back, and she shudders. God, she loves this man.
“Okay,” she replies, offering him a smile and another kiss.
“Write me a song?” He says, and she laughs.
“I’ve written a fair few songs about you, Mr Scott. Don’t you think you should be writing one for me by this point?”
“How ‘bout you write one about me that actually has a happy ending.” He says with a wink and a smirk, leaving her a cup of coffee on the bedside table on her side of the bed.
“This is it.” She says, out loud, and she’s not entirely sure why. She just knows that the fact that she’s so happy, she feels like her heart is going to burst out of her chest means that this is truly real, it’s happening, and there’s a large possibility she’s going to want to be with the man she’s loved in some capacity since she was sixteen for the rest of her life.
“This is it.” He confirms. “Love you. See you tonight?” He looks nervous as he says it, so she quickly confirms with a nod.
“But if you see Brooke today, don’t come up with any pet names for me, I’m not down with being called Broody the second. I’ll break up with you, Hales, I swear.” He’s laughing as he leans down to kiss her again.
“Okay superstar. I’ll kiss you later.” She says with a smirk and a wink, the same line he said to her forever ago.
She hears the door shut downstairs, smells his scent on his pillow as she buries her head into it, and knows this is forever. And it’s starting today.