(no subject)
of course, they only worm their way in to eat away, right? then they make a b-line for the exit, and you shit them out. it's always painful-- but no matter how surprising it is to look down and see what's been exhumed from inside of you, it's easy to let it become routine.
and it has become routine, with me. slowly tearing down the walls, only to have to reinforce them again twice as strong as before.
well-- he said he's thinking about me. but you know what? he's also thinking about her. he's not flurrying to deny it.
i would be okay with that, if this were that sort of situation. if we had come to a polyamorous agreement, maybe.
but it's a competition. it's one or the other.
and to think, i was actually mulling the term "boyfriend" over in my head for a couple weeks... what a fool i am.
surely, by now, i should know better. right?
this can only be the 100th time i've portioned out my heart since the beginning of the year.
but it's as true as anything else about me. i will never, ever, ever, ever, ever ever learn.
someday somebody will love me for that, i hope.
but for now, i'm back on the drink.
and it has become routine, with me. slowly tearing down the walls, only to have to reinforce them again twice as strong as before.
well-- he said he's thinking about me. but you know what? he's also thinking about her. he's not flurrying to deny it.
i would be okay with that, if this were that sort of situation. if we had come to a polyamorous agreement, maybe.
but it's a competition. it's one or the other.
and to think, i was actually mulling the term "boyfriend" over in my head for a couple weeks... what a fool i am.
surely, by now, i should know better. right?
this can only be the 100th time i've portioned out my heart since the beginning of the year.
but it's as true as anything else about me. i will never, ever, ever, ever, ever ever learn.
someday somebody will love me for that, i hope.
but for now, i'm back on the drink.