(no subject)
Ok, so I called Robert, my father, because I had a question about my health insurance. Something simple, not money, or brain surgery. He didn't pick up, no big deal. An hour passes, he doesn't call back. I get a call, a private call, and a man is on the other end. He answers my question quickly and hangs up.
--Why do I spend my time worrying about this? Maybe I should just quit bitching and just get over it, right? It would be so easy to turn my cheek and push back the tears, right? Well, the answer is no. It's not easy to look at myself in the mirror and see my father, a man who doesn't recognize my face. Sometimes I want to believe that I can trust him, that he has changed. But I alawys end up in the same place..underneath the sheets crying. He occasionally visits me and takes me out to lunch, but the conversations are generic. For years I've let this eat me alive. I have let him walk all over me and rip my heart to shreads. I am weak.
I am weak.
--Why do I spend my time worrying about this? Maybe I should just quit bitching and just get over it, right? It would be so easy to turn my cheek and push back the tears, right? Well, the answer is no. It's not easy to look at myself in the mirror and see my father, a man who doesn't recognize my face. Sometimes I want to believe that I can trust him, that he has changed. But I alawys end up in the same place..underneath the sheets crying. He occasionally visits me and takes me out to lunch, but the conversations are generic. For years I've let this eat me alive. I have let him walk all over me and rip my heart to shreads. I am weak.
I am weak.