Fic: Derek and the Unnecessary Pining (7/14)
Title: Derek and the Unnecessary Pining
Series: Bizarre Love Polyhedron
Rating: PG-13
Genres: Humor, Angst
Setting: Post Season 3A
Pairings: Stiles/Derek, background Scott/Stiles, Scott/Isaac/Allison, Lydia/Aiden, Danny/Ethan, implied Scott&Stiles&Derek
Wordcount: 830 (this chapter); ~18k total
Beta: percygranger
Stiles is unfairly attractive, Scott is terrifyingly earnest, and Cora is a brat. Derek just wants them to leave him alone so he can finish reading his book. Is that so much to ask?
Chapter 1: Back to Bacon Hills
Chapter 2: Pity Party
Chapter 3: Awkward
Chapter 4: Guardian
Chapter 5: It’s Not Stalking, Really
Chapter 6: Giving Advice
Chapter 7: Odd Behavior
The next week, on Tuesday evening, Derek was standing in the cereal aisle, debating between two different boxes of off-brand cereal (he preferred corn flakes, but Cora had asked for rice crisps), when he heard Scott and Stiles talking in the next aisle over.
“Isaac said he always did his shopping on Tuesdays,” Scott was saying.
Stiles snorted. “When has Derek ever always done something? Other than brood and threaten bodily harm, I mean.”
Derek sighed, tossing both boxes in the cart. “What do you want, Scott?”
Scott yelped. “Oh my God!”
“What?” Stiles said, his voice edging into panic. “What is it, Lassie?”
“Shut up, Stiles, I told you not to call me that!”
Derek was smirking by the time he rounded the corner. “Hi,” he said.
Stiles screamed as he stumbled backwards. It sounded a little like a dying cat. (Derek still winced to remember what had happened to that stray siamese Laura had sneaked into Derek’s bunk bed when he was eight. At least Deaton had been able to reattach its paw.)
At Stiles’ scream, Derek grit his teeth, but Scott, who had apparently still been using his enhanced hearing, clapped his hands over his ears and kicked Stiles in the shin.
“Is there a reason you were looking for me?” Derek asked, as Stiles hopped around on one leg, cursing, and Scott flailed with the grocery basket.
Stiles jerked around to stare at Derek. “What? No! Yes? Maybe!” He nodded, clutching his shin with one hand and leaning against the shelf full of soup cans.
Derek looked pointedly between Stiles and Scott, but they were both beaming back at him. It was getting creepy. “Well, I’m just going to go back to my shopping, then,” he said.
Scott pulled Stiles back onto his feet. “We’ll come with!” he said.
Derek blinked. “I usually shop by myself.”
“But we want to come too!” Stiles yelled, then turned red and started snickering.
“Good one, Stiles,” Scott said, rolling his eyes.
Derek looked down into his cart, which currently consisted of two boxes of cereal and a pack of chocolate chip cookies for Cora. He still had half a dozen things left on the list. “You know,” he said, “I think I’m about done, actually. So I’ll see you guys later.”
“Really? Dammit!” Stiles whined, and turned to glare at Scott. “This is all your fault, isn’t it?”
“What?” Scott yelped. “How is this my fault?”
Scott and Stiles started bickering again and Derek took the opportunity to sneak past the dairy section for a gallon of milk.
***
It only got stranger from there.
***
17 unread text messages
From Scott: Hey Dell goes out going
From Scott: Lol sorry
From Scott: How’s our going Derek? :)
From Scott: How’s it going
From Scott: Haha my phone Sioux
From Scott: Sucks
From Stiles: for the love of all that is holy, please ignore scott’s messages
From Scott: You should hang ours with Stiles more
From Scott: I bet you two would get along gay
From Scott: Lol! !
From Scott: Great. I meant great
From Stiles: I was experimenting with putting wolfsbane in his beer
From Stiles: looks like it worked
From Scott: Lol sorry for scientific
From Scott: Skyrocket
From Scott: Automobile
From Scott: Wrong words
***
The following Tuesday, Derek got a text from Scott.
From Scott: Pack trip to hot springs this weekend? Y/y? :)
Derek blinked down at the text. Hot springs? In December? Derek could not picture something he would enjoy less.
To Scott: I don’t own swim trunks.
From Scott: That’s ok! You can shop with Stiles! He needs a new pair :)
Nope, wait. Shopping for swim trunks with Stiles. That was something he could enjoy less than going to a hot spring in December.
To Scott: That’s fine, I’ll just skip this time.
From Scott: Sorry, this one’s mandatory ;)
Derek groaned out loud. Cora looked over from her spot on the couch, sliding an index finger down to save the current page in her book. “What is it now?”
“Scott,” Derek replied, then scowled as his phone buzzed with yet another text message notification.
From Stiles: I have been informed that you need new swim trunks
To Stiles: Something like that.
From Stiles: scott has resorted to emotional blackmail. apparently he will cry unless we go shopping. together. by saturday
Cora snorted. “Did he break up with Stiles again?”
“No,” Derek said, not looking up from his phone screen.
“Too bad,” Cora said, and turned back to her book.
From Stiles: want me to swing by the loft tomorrow after school?
To Stiles: Fine.
From Stiles: okay, see you tomorrow, grumpy pants
To Stiles: Don’t call me that.
From Stiles: always have to get in the last word, is that it?
To Stiles: No.
From Stiles: what. you’re totally proving my point.
To Stiles: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
From Stiles: OMG did you do that on purpose?
From Stiles: you DID
From Stiles: I knew you had a secret sense of humor hidden deep down
To Stiles: Shut up, Stiles.
From Stiles: you say the sweetest things ;)
Chapter 8: Unpurchased Swim Trunks
Series: Bizarre Love Polyhedron
Rating: PG-13
Genres: Humor, Angst
Setting: Post Season 3A
Pairings: Stiles/Derek, background Scott/Stiles, Scott/Isaac/Allison, Lydia/Aiden, Danny/Ethan, implied Scott&Stiles&Derek
Wordcount: 830 (this chapter); ~18k total
Beta: percygranger
Stiles is unfairly attractive, Scott is terrifyingly earnest, and Cora is a brat. Derek just wants them to leave him alone so he can finish reading his book. Is that so much to ask?
Chapter 1: Back to Bacon Hills
Chapter 2: Pity Party
Chapter 3: Awkward
Chapter 4: Guardian
Chapter 5: It’s Not Stalking, Really
Chapter 6: Giving Advice
Chapter 7: Odd Behavior
The next week, on Tuesday evening, Derek was standing in the cereal aisle, debating between two different boxes of off-brand cereal (he preferred corn flakes, but Cora had asked for rice crisps), when he heard Scott and Stiles talking in the next aisle over.
“Isaac said he always did his shopping on Tuesdays,” Scott was saying.
Stiles snorted. “When has Derek ever always done something? Other than brood and threaten bodily harm, I mean.”
Derek sighed, tossing both boxes in the cart. “What do you want, Scott?”
Scott yelped. “Oh my God!”
“What?” Stiles said, his voice edging into panic. “What is it, Lassie?”
“Shut up, Stiles, I told you not to call me that!”
Derek was smirking by the time he rounded the corner. “Hi,” he said.
Stiles screamed as he stumbled backwards. It sounded a little like a dying cat. (Derek still winced to remember what had happened to that stray siamese Laura had sneaked into Derek’s bunk bed when he was eight. At least Deaton had been able to reattach its paw.)
At Stiles’ scream, Derek grit his teeth, but Scott, who had apparently still been using his enhanced hearing, clapped his hands over his ears and kicked Stiles in the shin.
“Is there a reason you were looking for me?” Derek asked, as Stiles hopped around on one leg, cursing, and Scott flailed with the grocery basket.
Stiles jerked around to stare at Derek. “What? No! Yes? Maybe!” He nodded, clutching his shin with one hand and leaning against the shelf full of soup cans.
Derek looked pointedly between Stiles and Scott, but they were both beaming back at him. It was getting creepy. “Well, I’m just going to go back to my shopping, then,” he said.
Scott pulled Stiles back onto his feet. “We’ll come with!” he said.
Derek blinked. “I usually shop by myself.”
“But we want to come too!” Stiles yelled, then turned red and started snickering.
“Good one, Stiles,” Scott said, rolling his eyes.
Derek looked down into his cart, which currently consisted of two boxes of cereal and a pack of chocolate chip cookies for Cora. He still had half a dozen things left on the list. “You know,” he said, “I think I’m about done, actually. So I’ll see you guys later.”
“Really? Dammit!” Stiles whined, and turned to glare at Scott. “This is all your fault, isn’t it?”
“What?” Scott yelped. “How is this my fault?”
Scott and Stiles started bickering again and Derek took the opportunity to sneak past the dairy section for a gallon of milk.
***
It only got stranger from there.
***
17 unread text messages
From Scott: Hey Dell goes out going
From Scott: Lol sorry
From Scott: How’s our going Derek? :)
From Scott: How’s it going
From Scott: Haha my phone Sioux
From Scott: Sucks
From Stiles: for the love of all that is holy, please ignore scott’s messages
From Scott: You should hang ours with Stiles more
From Scott: I bet you two would get along gay
From Scott: Lol! !
From Scott: Great. I meant great
From Stiles: I was experimenting with putting wolfsbane in his beer
From Stiles: looks like it worked
From Scott: Lol sorry for scientific
From Scott: Skyrocket
From Scott: Automobile
From Scott: Wrong words
***
The following Tuesday, Derek got a text from Scott.
From Scott: Pack trip to hot springs this weekend? Y/y? :)
Derek blinked down at the text. Hot springs? In December? Derek could not picture something he would enjoy less.
To Scott: I don’t own swim trunks.
From Scott: That’s ok! You can shop with Stiles! He needs a new pair :)
Nope, wait. Shopping for swim trunks with Stiles. That was something he could enjoy less than going to a hot spring in December.
To Scott: That’s fine, I’ll just skip this time.
From Scott: Sorry, this one’s mandatory ;)
Derek groaned out loud. Cora looked over from her spot on the couch, sliding an index finger down to save the current page in her book. “What is it now?”
“Scott,” Derek replied, then scowled as his phone buzzed with yet another text message notification.
From Stiles: I have been informed that you need new swim trunks
To Stiles: Something like that.
From Stiles: scott has resorted to emotional blackmail. apparently he will cry unless we go shopping. together. by saturday
Cora snorted. “Did he break up with Stiles again?”
“No,” Derek said, not looking up from his phone screen.
“Too bad,” Cora said, and turned back to her book.
From Stiles: want me to swing by the loft tomorrow after school?
To Stiles: Fine.
From Stiles: okay, see you tomorrow, grumpy pants
To Stiles: Don’t call me that.
From Stiles: always have to get in the last word, is that it?
To Stiles: No.
From Stiles: what. you’re totally proving my point.
To Stiles: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
From Stiles: OMG did you do that on purpose?
From Stiles: you DID
From Stiles: I knew you had a secret sense of humor hidden deep down
To Stiles: Shut up, Stiles.
From Stiles: you say the sweetest things ;)
Chapter 8: Unpurchased Swim Trunks