no subject
Well, i guess this is just another journal entry because i have no time to write anymore... Last night Tony died. He was my neighbor for 16 years and the next thing i had to a grandpa but God called him home. I dont understand why God does the things he does but i know he has his purposes. Just wish i knew the things i dont. I wish i knew why things happen the way they do, and why people change so much. I wish i knew why we had to feel pain when all it does is hurt and and change things. I'm sick of being in a black hole and not knowing where i am going and sinking further and further into my own self pity. im not doing it anymore! i cant do it anymore. how is this life worth it? Life is to short and ive already missed out on to much so now im changing everything in my life that i know can only harm me. im getting rid of it and blocking it out. i want to live and love, and be loved, and do all the things normal people do. i want to help those with problems and be there for people when they just need someone to be there. i want to make something of myself and stop sitting around wishin i had. I want people to hear me and i want to change the person ive become. im sick of the hyrpocrites and the liars and the fools and all the things i once was and friends with. I cant do it anymore and i cant live like this because for once in my life i do want to live. i want to change! I wanna know what i was put here for and i wanna live for that reason and not my own. No one is perfect and i am the lowest of them all but i dont want to be that way anymore. so if it takes losing everyone i have and everything i have in the process then i will... because i have to because im sick of being just another person doing what everyone else does. To many people fall into the mold to many people i no longer want to be friends with.