i think i have pinned it
why i'm a fuck up that is...
well not a fuck up but a fucking looney,
well not a fucking looney but a little fucked in the head...
anyways some of you depending on how well you know me may or may ot have noticed that i'm a little weird. in more ways than one. like jittery,twitchy,doing or saying stupid things that dont fit with the scenario, freaking out in public. and also a few that people dont notice, like i get sweaty as hell, anxoius, my mind races,little to no sleep, i fell tired as fuck but i just cant fall asleep so i toss and turn andthink about things ussualy bad things and then when i finnaly do fall asleep its a very very light sleep and every thing wakes me up, and when i finnaly get out of bed i feel more tired than before i lyed down, i feel out of control and something very bad is going to happen...well i think i have finnaly figured out why
Social Phobia-
Social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder, describes people with marked and persistent anxiety in social situations, including performances and public speaking (Ballenger et al., 1998). The critical element of the fearfulness is the possibility of embarrassment or ridicule. Like specific phobias, the fear is recognized by adults as excessive or unreasonable, but the dreaded social situation is avoided or is tolerated with great discomfort. Many people with social phobia are preoccupied with concerns that others will see their anxiety symptoms (i.e., trembling, sweating, or blushing); or notice their halting or rapid speech; or judge them to be weak, stupid, or “crazy.” Fears of fainting, losing control of bowel or bladder function, or having one’s mind going blank are also not uncommon. Social phobias generally are associated with significant anticipatory anxiety for days or weeks before the dreaded event, which in turn may further handicap performance and heighten embarrassment.
AND THIS~
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Obsessions are recurrent, intrusive thoughts, impulses, or images that are perceived as inappropriate, grotesque, or forbidden (DSM-IV). The obsessions, which elicit anxiety and marked distress, are termed “ego-alien” or “ego-dystonic” because their content is quite unlike the thoughts that the person usually has. Obsessions are perceived as uncontrollable, and the sufferer often fears that he or she will lose control and act upon such thoughts or impulses. Common themes include contamination with germs or body fluids, doubts (i.e., the worry that something important has been overlooked or that the sufferer has unknowingly inflicted harm on someone), order or symmetry, or loss of control of violent or sexual impulses.
Compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that reduce the anxiety that accompanies an obsession or “prevent” some dreaded event from happening (DSM-IV). Compulsions include both overt behaviors, such as hand washing or checking, and mental acts including counting or praying. Not uncommonly, compulsive rituals take up long periods of time, even hours, to complete. For example, repeated hand washing, intended to remedy anxiety about contamination, is a common cause of contact dermatitis.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder typically begins in adolescence to young adult life (males) or in young adult life (females) (Burke et al., 1990; DSM-IV). For most, the course is fluctuating and, like generalized anxiety disorder, symptom exacerbations are usually associated with life stress. Common comorbidities include major depressive disorder and other anxiety disorders. Approximately 20 to 30 percent of people in clinical samples with obsessive-compulsive disorder report a past history of tics
anyways i have yet to call a doctor but i will soon, i talked to my mom about it and my girlfriend, and to be honest i'm fucking scared as hell and i just remembered i also have a bunch of signs asosiated (SP?) with bipolar disorder, i'm a fucking nervous wreck right now i just want some one to talk to right now but its 130am and i cant talk to any one cause there asleep and i fucking am going insane, my twitches are acting up very bad and i feel the need to get up and go for a walk but i cant either, i just want to go to bed but if i do i know i wont be able to fall asleep cause i will think about every thing and i have had a bad week emotionaly cause of something that i shouldnt worry about at all cause it will be alright, and now i'm obsessing on there something being wrong with me and i havent even talked to a doctor andthere prolly isnt anything worng with me at all, probaly just an off mood and i'll be fine in a week or so, i wish but its been years of that me thinking oh ,it will be better tomorrow, and then it is better tomorrow but the day after tomorrow is worse than yesterday fucking hell, i want to move out of my house cause i feel like i am trapt my mom is a nice mom but she seems to worryed all the time i'm 18 years old and i cant even be out past 11 with out her freaking out, my sister is 12 years old and i have to baby sit her every second that my mom isnt home, my sister is smart as hell shes supposed to be in 7th grade and she's taking freshman course's and she is more mature than me and my brother combined and doubled, yet i have to babysit her cause she's to young to stay home alone, i fucking dont like that, also i need a job i have been out of a job since june or july i cant remember but i always want new stuff like a guitar amp or turntables or a car or even fucking clothes but i cant fucking get anything like that cause i have zero income and when i do get money for instance 100 dollars from selling my drum set i spend it so fast its not even funny like that hundred i had gone in 2 days with only two torn ticket stubs to show for it, and recently my buddy paid me back 60 bucks he owed me for a while, like it was last thursday he payed me, and i cant fucking remember what i bought its totaly gone and i have not one thing to show for it...i'm drawing a complete blank right now on were it all went...also i ferget stuff alot, like my mom will ask me to say vacum the rug and like 2 minutes later she will ask again she can ask 40 times but when it comes time to do it i dont remember having been asked, alot of the time i get up and go to my room and when i get there its like why the fuck am i here? i do it when i go to the store for my mom some times too, she'll give me a list and her bank card and tell me to go to walmart...half an hour later i'm in tops parking lot realizing i fergot to grab the card on the table at home so i drive back home get the card go to tops realize i fergot to go to the bank go to the bank and then realize i was supposed to go to walmart not tops and get super fed up...when i finally get to walmart its hell, i go down every isle atlest 4 times looking for what i need, i have to read the list almost a hundred times to know what i need it sucks...then i realize the other people are watching me and making fun of me as soon as i leave and it fucking pisses me off i dont like cashing out either waiting in line isnt one of my strong points...my bike which i cared for so much this past year and wouldnt even let pther people ride is currently sitting in the middle of my yard with no back tire rusting away i have been asked maybe 20 times to move it and went out to move it a few times but just dont, its things like this that piss me off super bad its prolly ruined by now, like i do it with cd's too i'll think to myself oh hey pick that up or it will get scratched and then not pick it up for some reason the next time i see it i'll think the same thing, then by the time i do pick it up its fucking ruined and wont play...seriosly i have maybe 6 working cd's out of HUNDREDS....i have to go ly down now
well not a fuck up but a fucking looney,
well not a fucking looney but a little fucked in the head...
anyways some of you depending on how well you know me may or may ot have noticed that i'm a little weird. in more ways than one. like jittery,twitchy,doing or saying stupid things that dont fit with the scenario, freaking out in public. and also a few that people dont notice, like i get sweaty as hell, anxoius, my mind races,little to no sleep, i fell tired as fuck but i just cant fall asleep so i toss and turn andthink about things ussualy bad things and then when i finnaly do fall asleep its a very very light sleep and every thing wakes me up, and when i finnaly get out of bed i feel more tired than before i lyed down, i feel out of control and something very bad is going to happen...well i think i have finnaly figured out why
Social Phobia-
Social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder, describes people with marked and persistent anxiety in social situations, including performances and public speaking (Ballenger et al., 1998). The critical element of the fearfulness is the possibility of embarrassment or ridicule. Like specific phobias, the fear is recognized by adults as excessive or unreasonable, but the dreaded social situation is avoided or is tolerated with great discomfort. Many people with social phobia are preoccupied with concerns that others will see their anxiety symptoms (i.e., trembling, sweating, or blushing); or notice their halting or rapid speech; or judge them to be weak, stupid, or “crazy.” Fears of fainting, losing control of bowel or bladder function, or having one’s mind going blank are also not uncommon. Social phobias generally are associated with significant anticipatory anxiety for days or weeks before the dreaded event, which in turn may further handicap performance and heighten embarrassment.
AND THIS~
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Obsessions are recurrent, intrusive thoughts, impulses, or images that are perceived as inappropriate, grotesque, or forbidden (DSM-IV). The obsessions, which elicit anxiety and marked distress, are termed “ego-alien” or “ego-dystonic” because their content is quite unlike the thoughts that the person usually has. Obsessions are perceived as uncontrollable, and the sufferer often fears that he or she will lose control and act upon such thoughts or impulses. Common themes include contamination with germs or body fluids, doubts (i.e., the worry that something important has been overlooked or that the sufferer has unknowingly inflicted harm on someone), order or symmetry, or loss of control of violent or sexual impulses.
Compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that reduce the anxiety that accompanies an obsession or “prevent” some dreaded event from happening (DSM-IV). Compulsions include both overt behaviors, such as hand washing or checking, and mental acts including counting or praying. Not uncommonly, compulsive rituals take up long periods of time, even hours, to complete. For example, repeated hand washing, intended to remedy anxiety about contamination, is a common cause of contact dermatitis.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder typically begins in adolescence to young adult life (males) or in young adult life (females) (Burke et al., 1990; DSM-IV). For most, the course is fluctuating and, like generalized anxiety disorder, symptom exacerbations are usually associated with life stress. Common comorbidities include major depressive disorder and other anxiety disorders. Approximately 20 to 30 percent of people in clinical samples with obsessive-compulsive disorder report a past history of tics
anyways i have yet to call a doctor but i will soon, i talked to my mom about it and my girlfriend, and to be honest i'm fucking scared as hell and i just remembered i also have a bunch of signs asosiated (SP?) with bipolar disorder, i'm a fucking nervous wreck right now i just want some one to talk to right now but its 130am and i cant talk to any one cause there asleep and i fucking am going insane, my twitches are acting up very bad and i feel the need to get up and go for a walk but i cant either, i just want to go to bed but if i do i know i wont be able to fall asleep cause i will think about every thing and i have had a bad week emotionaly cause of something that i shouldnt worry about at all cause it will be alright, and now i'm obsessing on there something being wrong with me and i havent even talked to a doctor andthere prolly isnt anything worng with me at all, probaly just an off mood and i'll be fine in a week or so, i wish but its been years of that me thinking oh ,it will be better tomorrow, and then it is better tomorrow but the day after tomorrow is worse than yesterday fucking hell, i want to move out of my house cause i feel like i am trapt my mom is a nice mom but she seems to worryed all the time i'm 18 years old and i cant even be out past 11 with out her freaking out, my sister is 12 years old and i have to baby sit her every second that my mom isnt home, my sister is smart as hell shes supposed to be in 7th grade and she's taking freshman course's and she is more mature than me and my brother combined and doubled, yet i have to babysit her cause she's to young to stay home alone, i fucking dont like that, also i need a job i have been out of a job since june or july i cant remember but i always want new stuff like a guitar amp or turntables or a car or even fucking clothes but i cant fucking get anything like that cause i have zero income and when i do get money for instance 100 dollars from selling my drum set i spend it so fast its not even funny like that hundred i had gone in 2 days with only two torn ticket stubs to show for it, and recently my buddy paid me back 60 bucks he owed me for a while, like it was last thursday he payed me, and i cant fucking remember what i bought its totaly gone and i have not one thing to show for it...i'm drawing a complete blank right now on were it all went...also i ferget stuff alot, like my mom will ask me to say vacum the rug and like 2 minutes later she will ask again she can ask 40 times but when it comes time to do it i dont remember having been asked, alot of the time i get up and go to my room and when i get there its like why the fuck am i here? i do it when i go to the store for my mom some times too, she'll give me a list and her bank card and tell me to go to walmart...half an hour later i'm in tops parking lot realizing i fergot to grab the card on the table at home so i drive back home get the card go to tops realize i fergot to go to the bank go to the bank and then realize i was supposed to go to walmart not tops and get super fed up...when i finally get to walmart its hell, i go down every isle atlest 4 times looking for what i need, i have to read the list almost a hundred times to know what i need it sucks...then i realize the other people are watching me and making fun of me as soon as i leave and it fucking pisses me off i dont like cashing out either waiting in line isnt one of my strong points...my bike which i cared for so much this past year and wouldnt even let pther people ride is currently sitting in the middle of my yard with no back tire rusting away i have been asked maybe 20 times to move it and went out to move it a few times but just dont, its things like this that piss me off super bad its prolly ruined by now, like i do it with cd's too i'll think to myself oh hey pick that up or it will get scratched and then not pick it up for some reason the next time i see it i'll think the same thing, then by the time i do pick it up its fucking ruined and wont play...seriosly i have maybe 6 working cd's out of HUNDREDS....i have to go ly down now