Because I only do this when things aren't going well...
I just feel a lot of blah.
Play? Blah.
Work? Blah.
House? Blah.
Few things are as I would have them be right now, and everything seems to be a drain, a leech and a pull. And yes, instead of handling them, I am avoiding them, because "I don't have time". I had a few spare hours each day between work and rehearsal, a few precious moments of spare time that I greedily coveted so I could...wear myself out further and get no greater satisfaction by playing video games?
Um....yeah. I'm not sure what that's supposed to be.
It's not developing the skills that I'm supposed to be working on.
It's not working out to prevent further bodily atrophy.
It's not furthering any goal, impulse, whim or desire that I can really put my finger on.
So, why? Why this need for leisure and not work. Why journal now when I could be doing other things.
Why be stuck in this position?
I'm not sure. But a lot of things are sucking now.
And I'm letting them continue to suck.
Emblematic of this problem: awibs was saying that our other roommate Mark has been harassing her and her friends lately with blather and patter. Big doof, he's really starved for female attention. But her words were something to the effect of: Why doesn't he just stop?
It's just emblematic of a common social problem. No one wants to talk to the social leper, the needy guy or gal who just wants to speak their mind and feelings. Howe'er, I've found recently and in general, that most people just want to talk, they don't want to share. I find that unacceptable. However, if everyone's just gonna talk and not passively choose to listen, then you just have to dominate the fuck out of the interaction.
That's the beans. You say what you want to be said, gently correct people for doing things you don't approve of, speak your values to them and shut them down if they can't manage to get the point across. I need to work on all of this.
I need to work on my getting shit the way I want it.
A lot.
Play? Blah.
Work? Blah.
House? Blah.
Few things are as I would have them be right now, and everything seems to be a drain, a leech and a pull. And yes, instead of handling them, I am avoiding them, because "I don't have time". I had a few spare hours each day between work and rehearsal, a few precious moments of spare time that I greedily coveted so I could...wear myself out further and get no greater satisfaction by playing video games?
Um....yeah. I'm not sure what that's supposed to be.
It's not developing the skills that I'm supposed to be working on.
It's not working out to prevent further bodily atrophy.
It's not furthering any goal, impulse, whim or desire that I can really put my finger on.
So, why? Why this need for leisure and not work. Why journal now when I could be doing other things.
Why be stuck in this position?
I'm not sure. But a lot of things are sucking now.
And I'm letting them continue to suck.
Emblematic of this problem: awibs was saying that our other roommate Mark has been harassing her and her friends lately with blather and patter. Big doof, he's really starved for female attention. But her words were something to the effect of: Why doesn't he just stop?
It's just emblematic of a common social problem. No one wants to talk to the social leper, the needy guy or gal who just wants to speak their mind and feelings. Howe'er, I've found recently and in general, that most people just want to talk, they don't want to share. I find that unacceptable. However, if everyone's just gonna talk and not passively choose to listen, then you just have to dominate the fuck out of the interaction.
That's the beans. You say what you want to be said, gently correct people for doing things you don't approve of, speak your values to them and shut them down if they can't manage to get the point across. I need to work on all of this.
I need to work on my getting shit the way I want it.
A lot.