500 ways of killing time, or The Order of the Dark Phoenix
9 1/2 hours. And my nerves are going to kill me.
I'm finding all sorts of ways to waste time, though. So far I have taken out the trash, checked the mail (oh, yay, the power bill), posted about a dozen comments in other people's journals, re-read huge chunks of Goblet of Fire, stressed over the character death in OoP, read more chunks of GoF, and shoved books around on my shelf to make room for OoP- not that it's going there for a while; I have to read it first, then it goes to Mom.
I keep looking at the clock, willing time to go faster, which of course isn't happening.
Got the car back yesterday- it goes and it stops now. My uncle needs a fan club.
Of course, then we picked up a nail in the tire, so had to go get that taken care of. Went to the Sears in Clovis (next suburb over) instead of the Sears close to home, because Mom couldn't face those people again after they refused to help her with the battery. And my uncle got us a replacement battery in Clovis, so we figured, they're more helpful. They were, too.
Spent a fun hour wandering around the Clovis mall- even their tiny Waldenbooks is doing something for the Harry Potter book, I overheard a clerk telling someone they'll have cookies and punch.
Yes, but they have to keep mall hours, which Barns & Noble doesn't. Which amuses me.
And yes, I was going stir-crazy enough that going out to get a tire fixed seemed like more fun than staying home. It was, too.
Okay... I'm bored, and was suddenly inspired to post this thing I finished a bit ago.
To Stand Together
Disclaimer: Yeah, right. If I owned them I wouldn't be posting angst fic in a livejournal, now would I?
"I hate you," you whisper, not meaning it.
But you will. You will.
If you can't do it on your own, I will make you believe it.
"Get out."
You cross your arms, glare at me. Do not move an inch.
"I said get out!"
"Severus-"
Your hand on my arm, warm. I am so cold. I would not have thought I could be this cold and still live.
"*Get out*!"
"I haven't got anywhere else to go," you snarl at me. "And you know it."
But I hadn't. I hadn't known anything at all.
"What do you mean?"
"It's over, Severus. You've won."
You hurl something, cloth, at my feet. I look down at it, make no move to touch it.
Moments pass before I can identify the Slytherin serpent on the charred old banner that used to hang in the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Most of the school coat of arms is burned beyond recognition, but that is visible, barely.
"No," I whisper. "No..."
"Yes!" you scream. "Yes, God damn you!"
Your shoulders begin to shake with the force of sobs you are holding back. "Traitor," you hiss. "Murderer..."
"Traitor, yes. I am that," I say. "I was not there."
"Damn right you weren't. Don't you understand yet, Severus? Hogwarts is *gone*. Destroyed. And Dumbledore- Dumbledore is *dead*."
"Merlin, no..."
"How could you, Severus? We needed you. One more might have made the difference... *Where were you?*"
"I was trying to find them," I whisper. "Trying to stop them..."
"*Well done,*" you say, your voice as acidic as I have ever heard it. "Well done."
"I am sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I am only human, sorry I couldn't single-handedly save the whole bloody world! I tried! I *tried*!"
"Bastard, bloody *bastard*," you mutter, over and over, even as your arms go around me.
"Don't touch me," I whisper, coldly. "If you've come to kill me, get it over with."
You laugh. Laugh! "Oh, Severus, no. Why would I kill you?" You shake your head, grow sober again. "My, my. You still don't understand at all, do you? We are the *last*, Severus, the very bloody last. Dumbledore, Lupin, Black...even Potter. They're all gone. Dead. Or worse. The dementors finally caught Black."
"Minerva, I-"
"What?" you snap.
"Get out," I whisper. "Go, while you can."
Stubborn, you shake your head. "No."
"Now it's *you* who doesn't understand. They are coming for me."
"I know." You kiss me, hard. "To stand together, always, no matter how few of us remained, that was what we swore. Do you remember, Severus?"
I remember. "Are you here, then, for an oath?"
You shake your head. "The Order fell with Dumbledore. I'm here for you, and a chance to strike back at them before I die."
I shake my head. "Am I forgiven, then?"
"I can't forgive you, Severus. Only you can do that, and I don't think we have that kind of time."
I understand it then, and wish to Merlin I didn't. "You are a fool," I whisper.
"Maybe."
"You are." I can't bear to say it, but I do. "You still love me. Though I betrayed you, though I was not there when you needed me-"
"Do you know what the last thing Dumbledore said to me was? 'Forgive him, Minerva... he has kept faith as best he can.' Damn you both..."
"Still meddling, even to the last..." I sigh.
"Did you expect anything less?"
"And what did you tell him?"
"I said..." You shake your head. "It doesn't matter."
"It does."
"Yes, alright?" Another kiss, bruising, furious. "I said that I forgave you. And I have always loved you. Gods know why."
I always knew it, of course. How could I not? And now you are here, at the last, to die with me. How romantic.
Lovers for so long...but everything we loved is gone.
We are standing very close together, my lips against yours, sex and death on our minds in equal measure, when the door crashes inward.
I'm finding all sorts of ways to waste time, though. So far I have taken out the trash, checked the mail (oh, yay, the power bill), posted about a dozen comments in other people's journals, re-read huge chunks of Goblet of Fire, stressed over the character death in OoP, read more chunks of GoF, and shoved books around on my shelf to make room for OoP- not that it's going there for a while; I have to read it first, then it goes to Mom.
I keep looking at the clock, willing time to go faster, which of course isn't happening.
Got the car back yesterday- it goes and it stops now. My uncle needs a fan club.
Of course, then we picked up a nail in the tire, so had to go get that taken care of. Went to the Sears in Clovis (next suburb over) instead of the Sears close to home, because Mom couldn't face those people again after they refused to help her with the battery. And my uncle got us a replacement battery in Clovis, so we figured, they're more helpful. They were, too.
Spent a fun hour wandering around the Clovis mall- even their tiny Waldenbooks is doing something for the Harry Potter book, I overheard a clerk telling someone they'll have cookies and punch.
Yes, but they have to keep mall hours, which Barns & Noble doesn't. Which amuses me.
And yes, I was going stir-crazy enough that going out to get a tire fixed seemed like more fun than staying home. It was, too.
Okay... I'm bored, and was suddenly inspired to post this thing I finished a bit ago.
To Stand Together
Disclaimer: Yeah, right. If I owned them I wouldn't be posting angst fic in a livejournal, now would I?
"I hate you," you whisper, not meaning it.
But you will. You will.
If you can't do it on your own, I will make you believe it.
"Get out."
You cross your arms, glare at me. Do not move an inch.
"I said get out!"
"Severus-"
Your hand on my arm, warm. I am so cold. I would not have thought I could be this cold and still live.
"*Get out*!"
"I haven't got anywhere else to go," you snarl at me. "And you know it."
But I hadn't. I hadn't known anything at all.
"What do you mean?"
"It's over, Severus. You've won."
You hurl something, cloth, at my feet. I look down at it, make no move to touch it.
Moments pass before I can identify the Slytherin serpent on the charred old banner that used to hang in the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Most of the school coat of arms is burned beyond recognition, but that is visible, barely.
"No," I whisper. "No..."
"Yes!" you scream. "Yes, God damn you!"
Your shoulders begin to shake with the force of sobs you are holding back. "Traitor," you hiss. "Murderer..."
"Traitor, yes. I am that," I say. "I was not there."
"Damn right you weren't. Don't you understand yet, Severus? Hogwarts is *gone*. Destroyed. And Dumbledore- Dumbledore is *dead*."
"Merlin, no..."
"How could you, Severus? We needed you. One more might have made the difference... *Where were you?*"
"I was trying to find them," I whisper. "Trying to stop them..."
"*Well done,*" you say, your voice as acidic as I have ever heard it. "Well done."
"I am sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I am only human, sorry I couldn't single-handedly save the whole bloody world! I tried! I *tried*!"
"Bastard, bloody *bastard*," you mutter, over and over, even as your arms go around me.
"Don't touch me," I whisper, coldly. "If you've come to kill me, get it over with."
You laugh. Laugh! "Oh, Severus, no. Why would I kill you?" You shake your head, grow sober again. "My, my. You still don't understand at all, do you? We are the *last*, Severus, the very bloody last. Dumbledore, Lupin, Black...even Potter. They're all gone. Dead. Or worse. The dementors finally caught Black."
"Minerva, I-"
"What?" you snap.
"Get out," I whisper. "Go, while you can."
Stubborn, you shake your head. "No."
"Now it's *you* who doesn't understand. They are coming for me."
"I know." You kiss me, hard. "To stand together, always, no matter how few of us remained, that was what we swore. Do you remember, Severus?"
I remember. "Are you here, then, for an oath?"
You shake your head. "The Order fell with Dumbledore. I'm here for you, and a chance to strike back at them before I die."
I shake my head. "Am I forgiven, then?"
"I can't forgive you, Severus. Only you can do that, and I don't think we have that kind of time."
I understand it then, and wish to Merlin I didn't. "You are a fool," I whisper.
"Maybe."
"You are." I can't bear to say it, but I do. "You still love me. Though I betrayed you, though I was not there when you needed me-"
"Do you know what the last thing Dumbledore said to me was? 'Forgive him, Minerva... he has kept faith as best he can.' Damn you both..."
"Still meddling, even to the last..." I sigh.
"Did you expect anything less?"
"And what did you tell him?"
"I said..." You shake your head. "It doesn't matter."
"It does."
"Yes, alright?" Another kiss, bruising, furious. "I said that I forgave you. And I have always loved you. Gods know why."
I always knew it, of course. How could I not? And now you are here, at the last, to die with me. How romantic.
Lovers for so long...but everything we loved is gone.
We are standing very close together, my lips against yours, sex and death on our minds in equal measure, when the door crashes inward.