Nurses' Humor
Top Ten Reasons to go to Nursing School:
10. Interchange fetal circulation with fetal development
9. Find out your instructor's reaction when you forget your scrub suit
8. Meet your friend, KOZIER
7. Practice humor during return demo to prevent embarrassment.
6. Get to know exotic microorganisms (that can kill you)
5. Make your Clinical instructor believe that you are diagnosed with a disease to complete your cases.
4. Find out how surprisingly well you do with very little sleep
3. Get to wear your favorite color: white
2. Two words: Board Exam
1.To master Vital Signs taking or sometimes reiki
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
"Some asshole has my pen!"
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The smell.
Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.
Reasons why you won't marry a nurse
1) When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
2) Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because she doesn't want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday she's had off in years.
3) You've been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.
3 Doctors and 3 Nurses
Three doctors and three nurses are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three doctors each buy tickets and watch as the three nurses buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a doctor.
"Watch and you'll see," answered a nurse. They all board the train. The doctors take their respective seats but all three nurses cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The doctors saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the doctors decide to copy the nurses on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the nurses don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed doctor.
"Watch and you'll see," answered a nurse. When they board the train the three doctors cram into a restroom and the three nurses cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the nurses leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the doctors are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
Punk Surgery
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate
surgery. When she was completely disrobed
on the operating table, the staff found that
her pubic hair had been dyed green and above
it was a tattoo reading:"keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon
added a small note to the dressing which said: "sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Experienced Nurse vs. Graduate Nurse
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does....An Experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a pt. throws up
A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name tag you can't read it....An Experienced Nurse doesn't wear one for liability reasons
A Graduate nurse charts too much...An Experienced Nurse doesn't chart enough.
A Graduate Nurse loves to run to codes...An Experienced Nurse makes Graduate Nurses run to codes.
A Graduate Nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse...An Experienced Nurse doesn't want anyone to know they are a nurse.
A Graduate Nurse keeps detaild notes on a pad...an Experienced Nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, ect.
A Graduate Nurse will spend all day trying to orient a patient...An Expereinced Nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.
A Graduate Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards...an Experienced Nurse can't hear any alarms at any distance.
A Graduate Nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds...an Experienced Nurse doesn't want know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.
a Graduate Nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath...an Expereinced Nurse lets the CNA give the pt. a bath.
A Graduate Nurse thinks people respect nurses...an Experienced Nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.
A Graduate Nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it...an Expereinced Nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.
A Graduate Nurse looks for a chance to "work with the family"....an Experienced Nurse avoids the family at all costs.
A Graduate Nurse expects supplies and meds to be delivered on time...an Experienced Nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.
A Graduate Nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient...an Expereinced Nurse will insert a Foley cath.
A Graduate Nurse alwaays answers their phone...an Expereinced Nurse checks thier caller ID before answering the phone.
A Graduate Nurse thinks psych patients are interesting....an Experienced Nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.
a Graduate Nurse carries reference books in thier bag...an Experienced Nurse carries magazines, lunch and some "cough medicine" in thier bag.
A graduate nurse doesn't find this funny...an Experienced Nurse does.