even the smiling ppl feel alone
the only way to have a life is to lie sometimes, if you dont, you'll end up being that locked up child that the neighborhood kids contimplate about, wondering what a child could possible be doing in a house that long. Seeing old friends is always refreshing, to see how people have changed, and how they laugh and tell you you never changed when you do something stupid. I really have amazing friends and family. I just wish i could be as amazing to them as they are to me. I just dont have the time to spend with them, to be there for them and do do random things for them like i wish i could. IN fact, i ve got myself spread so thin that im not really a good friend to anyone person but a friend to everyone. I dont want it that way, but i cant see how to change it. Like, there are people that i look at from a distance, and ask myself why im not great friends with them, why we dont hang out afterschool or afterwork, and its always my fault that we dont. I feel like im going to walk away from high school with no one to keep in touch with, no one to be anxious to come back to see. I see all of these groups that i could be in, and im not, and i get so made at myself sometimes for it. but, i dont see it changing anytime soon, so ill deal. Saw an old friend today. An old ex actually. It was really nice to see him, to see that some people never change. Its weird b we never were friends for a long time before we went out,so the only way that im used to acting around him is very flirtatious, which i of course cannot be. It was jsut weird to feel the reflex to flirt and not know where it came from. its not like i like him now, its just, habit with him. Anyways, i need sleep, so i think ill get to that