[IC/OOC] Kannagara Voicemail

[ura_no_ura]

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[windsawakening]

So.

I heard you left.

[Quiet, even, and largely emotionless. He is worried about Iruka. He is worried about you. And everyone else. Leaving was unnecessary.

But he can understand. To an extent.]

Check in with someone, sometime.

If you don’t, when I find you, I’ll kick your ass.

[Yes, he just threatened you, Kakashi. Sensei or not. Yes, he meant it. Regardless, his voice still retains all the emotion of a dial-tone.

The message ends.]

[ura_no_ura]

I checked in with Yondaime-sama before I left, Naruto.

[ His voice sounds as it always does. Indifferent. Much too calm. ]

I'll return when I'm done training.

[ Training.

That's all it is.

Or so he'd like you to believe. ]

Iruka told me you left, too.

[windsawakening]

[Naruto did not ask on whether Kakashi had checked in before he left and that’s not what he meant. He thinks Kakashi knows that. He thinks that Kakashi is being silent because- He left.

Like Naruto left. Yes. Of course.

Running away-

It's easier.

He cannot fathom what Kakashi would have to train for, does not buy it anyway.]

What’re you training at?

[Go on, make something up. Or don’t answer at all.]

Where are you?

[ura_no_ura]

[ It's green and leafy and foresty behind him. Kakashi glances up for a moment, as though looking around to approximate his location. ]

Hmm... I see trees. I guess that means I'm in a forest.

[ Ah, and look whose sense of humor appears to have returned.

He doesn't feel like answering your other question, Naruto. ]

Where are you?

[windsawakening]

[You’re not training and you’re a lousy liar, Naruto thinks. The non-answer is better than any Kakashi could have bothered with.

He turns the Hitomi skyward, and then tilts it-

Guess what Kakashi?

Trees.]

Huh.

Looks like I’m in a forest too.

[Fancy that.]

Think we’re in the same one?

[Both running in a different way…

Just not running from the same thing.]

[ura_no_ura]

Mm, hard to say.

[ At some point you lose track of where you are, and the trees stretch so high to the sky it almost blots out the sun. At some point the paths disappear, trees closing in and it's easy to lose yourself in a forest as thick as this -- especially when you don't want to be found. And they are not searching, but you are.

For something. You're not sure what.

Yet. ]

Why did you leave, Naruto?

[ It's just a voice. The screen is dark, all covered up. He's holding his hand over the camera. ]

[windsawakening]

[He thinks it’s odd to have Kakashi ask that. The reflexive answer is: I’m fine. But that wasn’t the question.

It is hard to say, isn’t it?

Past recent memory, Naruto holds the distinct recollection that is Hatake Kakashi, dead.

…

Again.]

Training.

[And that much at least is the truth. Quid pro quo however.]

Iruka-sensei doesn’t remember being in love with you.

Did you know that?

[ura_no_ura]

[ The screen remains dark. Kakashi hums. It can mean anything. Maybe a yes. ]

[windsawakening]

[Naruto cants his head at the screen, but continues to hold it, facing the canopy overhead.]

‘Cause you know, if you did know that, and you left anyway...

[Iruka when he is not a brother to Naruto is almost a father and the notion of Kakashi willing walking away from someone precious to Naruto, knowing something was wrong with them.

Something wrong like that-

The Hitomi creaks beneath his grip.]

[ura_no_ura]

[ But there's nothing wrong with him. ]

Iruka asked to forget. He didn't want to remember.

[windsawakening]

[…

Sorry. Just some silence as to that.

It stretches, and then stretches some more, broken only by the birdsong beyond it.

And yes, the creaking Hitomi.]

You--

You did that?

[ura_no_ura]

He asked me to.

[ There's a pause. ]

He's happy now.

[ Kakashi's tone is a little too quiet. ]

[windsawakening]

If he asked you to cut off his arm, would you do that too? Would wanting it, make it okay? For him- for you? Memories, they’re a part of people. Like an arm, or a leg! When you take them away, you take away a part of someone!

[No anger, just quiet horror, and who knew he could still feel horror, after everything else.]

You still remember-

[Kakashi still remembers. Yes, he does, he’s just confirmed it. He remembers and loved and is out there running away or-]

He’s confused now, we all remember and he doesn’t.

He’s not happy. He’s worried.

[And Naruto sits, right there, where he is. Sets the Hitomi down- camera to the ground and drops his head into his hands.

What have you done? To him? To yourself?]

Oh, Kakashi-sensei…

[ura_no_ura]

[ None of it is okay, and it could never be okay. And Kakashi knows this, knows that none of this is right, but Iruka wanted to cut that part of him out of himself, wanted to forget, to erase it. What they had. What only Kakashi remembers. ]

You can all stop trying to remind him, then.

[ Kakashi's voice is too soft. ]

He doesn't want to remember it. He doesn't want to live with it. And if it's easier for him to not remember--

[ And that feeling wrenching inside of him is telling him that it'll be impossible for him to ever forget. Wrings his lungs out. ]

Then that's better. For him.

[windsawakening]

What about you!? You remember it!

[Because Iruka may have been given a clean slate but Kakashi…]

You did that when- after you woke, right? On that day-

[That day that everything sort of went to hell and-]

We were out of our minds that day! Everyone was! You think when he made that choice that he was- was- okay? He was-

[Probably a mess. Probably a complete mess and he sought the only way out. But Iruka is Iruka and he values love and he values bonds and he doesn’t just go around asking people to erase them.

So what the hell happened?]

Easy isn’t always better, you know that, Kakashi-sensei.

[Because it would be easier for Naruto to stop what he is doing right now and throw in the towel. Easy is not necessarily right.]

Like this, he doesn’t have a choice.

[He doesn’t have the chance, to work things out.]

And you-

You’re stuck playing pretend.

[ura_no_ura]

[ Stuck playing pretend, but he's not the one that matters. ]

I'm okay with that, Naruto. I'm fine.

[ And it's only half a lie. ]

Iruka doesn't need to go through this.

It's better this way.

[ Grief could kill. Love could too. Loving someone so much they become your world, then waking up one morning and realizing that world no longer belongs to you. Because it never was yours to begin with.

It's enough to drive a man insane. Make him sick. Because Iruka saw under the mask, and he knew what was there, and would never forget the way Kakashi looked at him, and Kakashi saw that in his eyes that morning. Saw that wild desperation. The need to hold on or let go completely. And not remember he once held on at all.

Erase the fingerprints.

They were never there.

Kakashi wasn't either. ]

So don't try to remind him. It won't work anyway.

[ Iruka ran away, too.

Like Kakashi.

And Naruto. ]