Private to Sasukeura_no_uraJuly 19 2009, 06:28:55 UTC
[ Sasuke was short of two years older than Kakashi when he first experienced what Kakashi had been experiencing for as long as he can remember. Kakashi can't recall a time when it hadn't been a part of his life. And maybe that was why it took him so long to understand it.
That death wasn't just you falling asleep and growing into the ground. That death meant an absence so large it could eat its way inside of you and fill you up with it. And Kakashi's life is filled with absence. With empty spaces that consume him. Sometimes they're so large he loses himself in it.
It's easy to fall into it.
Kakashi hums softly in confirmation. He doesn't bother explaining, but Kakashi rarely ever does. ]
Private to Kakashia_for_tioriJuly 19 2009, 07:10:17 UTC
[At this point Sasuke isn't even surprised by how casual Kakashi is. Perhaps a little annoyed, but not surprised. If Kakashi can smile about the deaths of everyone he cared about, shrugging at the reality of his childhood must be easy for him.
Kakashi doesn't explain because he never does, but Sasuke wants to know. Doesn't really understand how Kakashi just accepts these things. How he acts like they don't matter at all, when for Sasuke, his deaths are the only thing that matter.]
And you stayed with Konoha anyway.
[This one isn't a question at all. It's almost an accusation. Like he's saying, Konoha did all that and you stuck with them. As if it was okay. As if it wasn't wrong, to send a six year old into that.]
Private to Sasukeura_no_uraJuly 19 2009, 07:15:20 UTC
[ As if Kakashi would know any better. As if it was even his choice. As if he even really understood death to begin with, when he didn't at all. It wasn't until he was eight, standing over his father, feeling how large that absence was, filling up his little chest until he felt like he would suffocate, be crushed by its weight, that Kakashi finally understood what death meant.
And then he didn't have anywhere else to go.
Leaving Konoha meant death itself. ]
We're shinobi, Sasuke.
[ It's all he feels like he has to say. Because for shinobi, their duty is to kill for their village. To protect it with their lives, under any circumstances. And those times he lived in had been so different from the relative peace Sasuke had always grown up in. ]
Private to Kakashia_for_tioriJuly 19 2009, 08:45:04 UTC
[It's hard for Sasuke to imagine - a time before Kakashi understood death. It seems to him that Kakashi understands everything (even if he is an idiot), and for him to have ended up in a situation through desperation or being trapped or anything other than his own conscious decision is - strange.
And what's more strange is that now, in a world where there is nothing in particular tying Kakashi to Konoha, where if he wanted to he could cut ties forever with the place that did that to him and live in peace without them in this quiet world or, if he could not live in peace, at the very least not have to die for them in the upcoming war - now, in this world, Kakashi still choses Konoha.
Sasuke doesn't understand it. Doesn't get why Kakashi doesn't hold any anger, any bitterness at the place which threw him into that at such a young age. Doesn't even seem to think there's a problem with what happened.]
And that makes it right.
[It was a time of war, so it was acceptable to do that to you. It's half a question, half a sarcastic remark
Private to Sasukeura_no_uraJuly 19 2009, 09:11:57 UTC
[ If not to him, then it would've been to someone else. And Kakashi would rather it be him than someone else. Because Kakashi's never known what it was like to be a child. He never had a childhood, and was born to be a shinobi. He never had any other path he could've taken. Never made the choice to pick up the kunai. It'd all been decided for him from the day that he was born
( ... )
Re: Private to Sasukea_for_tioriJuly 21 2009, 03:28:12 UTC
[It doesn't seem to him that someone has to suffer that way. It seems to him that no one should have to suffer, and if they do it's wrong and someone should have to pay for it. For making things that way.
Because Sasuke did have innocence, once. He lived in a world where there was right and wrong and it was clear and simple, and even if everyone died and that innocence was torn out from under him, it didn't really change anything. There was still right and wrong - it's just that when the curtain was torn back and his eyes were opened and the world revealed before him, it turned out that the world was all wrong.
For Kakashi to just brush that off, like it was nothing - did he really not get that it was wrong? Or did he just think it was futile to resist it? Or that it didn't matter whether it was right or not?
Either way, it pisses him off. He just scoffs at Kakashi, not bothering to say anything to that.]
Reply
That death wasn't just you falling asleep and growing into the ground. That death meant an absence so large it could eat its way inside of you and fill you up with it. And Kakashi's life is filled with absence. With empty spaces that consume him. Sometimes they're so large he loses himself in it.
It's easy to fall into it.
Kakashi hums softly in confirmation. He doesn't bother explaining, but Kakashi rarely ever does. ]
Reply
Kakashi doesn't explain because he never does, but Sasuke wants to know. Doesn't really understand how Kakashi just accepts these things. How he acts like they don't matter at all, when for Sasuke, his deaths are the only thing that matter.]
And you stayed with Konoha anyway.
[This one isn't a question at all. It's almost an accusation. Like he's saying, Konoha did all that and you stuck with them. As if it was okay. As if it wasn't wrong, to send a six year old into that.]
Reply
And then he didn't have anywhere else to go.
Leaving Konoha meant death itself. ]
We're shinobi, Sasuke.
[ It's all he feels like he has to say. Because for shinobi, their duty is to kill for their village. To protect it with their lives, under any circumstances. And those times he lived in had been so different from the relative peace Sasuke had always grown up in. ]
And those were times of war.
Reply
And what's more strange is that now, in a world where there is nothing in particular tying Kakashi to Konoha, where if he wanted to he could cut ties forever with the place that did that to him and live in peace without them in this quiet world or, if he could not live in peace, at the very least not have to die for them in the upcoming war - now, in this world, Kakashi still choses Konoha.
Sasuke doesn't understand it. Doesn't get why Kakashi doesn't hold any anger, any bitterness at the place which threw him into that at such a young age. Doesn't even seem to think there's a problem with what happened.]
And that makes it right.
[It was a time of war, so it was acceptable to do that to you. It's half a question, half a sarcastic remark
Reply
Reply
Because Sasuke did have innocence, once. He lived in a world where there was right and wrong and it was clear and simple, and even if everyone died and that innocence was torn out from under him, it didn't really change anything. There was still right and wrong - it's just that when the curtain was torn back and his eyes were opened and the world revealed before him, it turned out that the world was all wrong.
For Kakashi to just brush that off, like it was nothing - did he really not get that it was wrong? Or did he just think it was futile to resist it? Or that it didn't matter whether it was right or not?
Either way, it pisses him off. He just scoffs at Kakashi, not bothering to say anything to that.]
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