From Chaos...
comes what?
My 9th Grade Bio Teacher, Mr. Williamsen taught us a theory that states that when we try to organize something, such as a room, we are actually making the universe as a whole more disorganized. And that by letting ourselves be disorganized, the universe is some how less chaotic. This idea recently just returned from my past and hit me in the back of the head as I contemplate my own state of affairs.
It makes me wonder how is this theory can be applied. Namely, within our own minds and states. After this short contemplation, I decided that there does exist a correlation and juxtaposition such that in order to improve some facet of our lives, be it physical or material, or more mindful & spritual, we inherently cause some other facet to become worse off. We live in a pareto efficient world and no pareto improvements can be made. Now, surely this is an exaggeration because that would imply that we cannot improve ourselves in any way without making ourselves or others worse off and that just cannot be true....although if maybe it is.
Anyways, this came to my mind because of my own internal state of affairs. Something has resulted in an increasingly rising amount happiness (i.e., if my happiness was a mathematical function, the derivative would be positive...yeah, maybe i am a nerd) but at the same time, resulted in my being more confused. And it made wonder if we can really be happier without having other emotions and feelings balance it out. In this case, my confusion then results in a moments of disappointment because I realize I can't have my cake and eat it too....in a whole new sense. Actually, that's a bad metaphor. It's more like, I can't have my grandma's apple pie because I cannot always be with my grandma if that makes sense in some sick perverted way because now I'm comparing a girl to my grandma and her apple pie (incidentally, she doesn't bake or anything...at least not for me).
And so here's where I going to come out forthright with my dilemma and maybe ask for some advice. The issue is plain and simple, yet other less important factors have the ability to make it more complex and have resulted in even greater confusion. So here's the situation: I've been going out with a girl who I met last summer - nothing serious or commited yet. Just sort of casual dating. We've only gone out like 5 times, but it's becoming quite clear to me that not only do I really like her, but there really is something there between us. Last night, on new years eve, she came with me to my friend's get-together/pseudo-party. After I dropped her off, I went back to my friends house where the party had died just to hang out with them and one my friends came over to me saying something along the lines of: "wow, you guys would make a good couple." Like she's just my type - she's got enough in common with me while also counterbalancing me a little.
So now you're wondering, "What's the problem? You guys are going out and would make a good couple, so make it official." Ya know - shit or get off the pot. Well the problem, like i said, is that I'm arduently against long-distance relationships. While she lives on Long Island and we can hang out when we're both home, she doesn't go to Cornell or any school even remotely nearby (like Binghamton). No, she's a smart girl herself and attends Dartmouth, which is a good 6 hours away from Ithaca. Also, her breaks aren't quite aligned with mine. She's going back to school on Saturday after being home since like December 10. I came home on the 20th and leave on the 10th. Her spring break doesn't line up either. To make matters a little worse, she doesn't drive (no license or anything) and since there is no real mass transportation service that goes from Hanover to Ithaca, she would have no way of visiting me or anything (even though I can technically drive up to Dartmouth).
So short and simple: I like her, but I don't want to be in a long-distance relationship like what we'd have to do.
But lately, I've been bending. But then I think back to high school where I was in a pseudo-long distance relationship then with a girl who couldn't drive. Except, that was 45 minutes, this is 6 hours. And if you want further confusion...well, then you have to factor in that a long-distance relationship would inhibit my ability to date any girls at Cornell. And you're thinking "So?" Well, on the last day after my finals were done, I went on a little coffee date/first date with a girl I had met at some random Hillel event and our conversation over lattes lasted longer and went better than I expected...and honestly, would've hoped for. I had been thinking about the girl from home prior to the coffee date and thought about all the confusion that would result if this second girl was cool and well...she was. I wish I could be two people in two places at once, but that's impossible. And common law says I can't have both. Although, technically, Jacob had both Leah and Rachel.
And so, I ask for thoughts...
My 9th Grade Bio Teacher, Mr. Williamsen taught us a theory that states that when we try to organize something, such as a room, we are actually making the universe as a whole more disorganized. And that by letting ourselves be disorganized, the universe is some how less chaotic. This idea recently just returned from my past and hit me in the back of the head as I contemplate my own state of affairs.
It makes me wonder how is this theory can be applied. Namely, within our own minds and states. After this short contemplation, I decided that there does exist a correlation and juxtaposition such that in order to improve some facet of our lives, be it physical or material, or more mindful & spritual, we inherently cause some other facet to become worse off. We live in a pareto efficient world and no pareto improvements can be made. Now, surely this is an exaggeration because that would imply that we cannot improve ourselves in any way without making ourselves or others worse off and that just cannot be true....although if maybe it is.
Anyways, this came to my mind because of my own internal state of affairs. Something has resulted in an increasingly rising amount happiness (i.e., if my happiness was a mathematical function, the derivative would be positive...yeah, maybe i am a nerd) but at the same time, resulted in my being more confused. And it made wonder if we can really be happier without having other emotions and feelings balance it out. In this case, my confusion then results in a moments of disappointment because I realize I can't have my cake and eat it too....in a whole new sense. Actually, that's a bad metaphor. It's more like, I can't have my grandma's apple pie because I cannot always be with my grandma if that makes sense in some sick perverted way because now I'm comparing a girl to my grandma and her apple pie (incidentally, she doesn't bake or anything...at least not for me).
And so here's where I going to come out forthright with my dilemma and maybe ask for some advice. The issue is plain and simple, yet other less important factors have the ability to make it more complex and have resulted in even greater confusion. So here's the situation: I've been going out with a girl who I met last summer - nothing serious or commited yet. Just sort of casual dating. We've only gone out like 5 times, but it's becoming quite clear to me that not only do I really like her, but there really is something there between us. Last night, on new years eve, she came with me to my friend's get-together/pseudo-party. After I dropped her off, I went back to my friends house where the party had died just to hang out with them and one my friends came over to me saying something along the lines of: "wow, you guys would make a good couple." Like she's just my type - she's got enough in common with me while also counterbalancing me a little.
So now you're wondering, "What's the problem? You guys are going out and would make a good couple, so make it official." Ya know - shit or get off the pot. Well the problem, like i said, is that I'm arduently against long-distance relationships. While she lives on Long Island and we can hang out when we're both home, she doesn't go to Cornell or any school even remotely nearby (like Binghamton). No, she's a smart girl herself and attends Dartmouth, which is a good 6 hours away from Ithaca. Also, her breaks aren't quite aligned with mine. She's going back to school on Saturday after being home since like December 10. I came home on the 20th and leave on the 10th. Her spring break doesn't line up either. To make matters a little worse, she doesn't drive (no license or anything) and since there is no real mass transportation service that goes from Hanover to Ithaca, she would have no way of visiting me or anything (even though I can technically drive up to Dartmouth).
So short and simple: I like her, but I don't want to be in a long-distance relationship like what we'd have to do.
But lately, I've been bending. But then I think back to high school where I was in a pseudo-long distance relationship then with a girl who couldn't drive. Except, that was 45 minutes, this is 6 hours. And if you want further confusion...well, then you have to factor in that a long-distance relationship would inhibit my ability to date any girls at Cornell. And you're thinking "So?" Well, on the last day after my finals were done, I went on a little coffee date/first date with a girl I had met at some random Hillel event and our conversation over lattes lasted longer and went better than I expected...and honestly, would've hoped for. I had been thinking about the girl from home prior to the coffee date and thought about all the confusion that would result if this second girl was cool and well...she was. I wish I could be two people in two places at once, but that's impossible. And common law says I can't have both. Although, technically, Jacob had both Leah and Rachel.
And so, I ask for thoughts...