ummm... yeah
ok so let me say now that i am sorry for any gramatical/ spelling errors in this log.
i absolutly hate writing in here, and the are a couple reasions why i am writing in here. one, my eyes are so swolen that i can hardly open them, and my actual journal is filled with the heart felt pages exprressing my feeling for everything. i feel like a drugie in rehab, and i am quitting a drug cold turky. with all the sickness and the depression that comes with it. now, please understand that i am not refering to anyone as a drug, nor am i speaking from personal experience. (about the rehab or the drugs) sometimes i wish that this was all a dream and i would wakeup in my old house in palm springs. life seemed so much eaiser there; much more peaceful, and a lot less sadness. i can remember that the only sad days that i had down there was when my dad left me, and when i had to say goodbye to my life long friends. other than those days i cannot remember a day in which i have felt the same feelings.
there is this one dream that i have accationaly. i am on a boat with some people. ther is a cage at the end of the boat, and i see this cage and i go towards it. i finally reach the cage and i get pushed into it. so i am hanging above the ocean with the people gathering all around me. all of a sudden the cage starts to lower into the sea. no one is doing anthing, they are just staring at me going down into the deep blue. i ,on the other hand, am franticly trying to escape. untill i see the lock on the door of the cage. once the people are out of sight the water is up to my chest, and the cage stops. then it drops right to the bottom on the ocean floor. the wierd thing is i can breath. i am still trying to get out. i look over to my right and there is this black cloud that is coming at me, fast, and i just give up. i am down on my knees, and i see the cloud hit me, i wake up.
now i dont know what my sub-consince is trying to tell me, but this dream scares the shit out of me. givin the situation that i am now it speaks volumes. i think the thing that scares me the most is the uncertanty of the future. for me, i want to make sure everything will be alright in the future, and that the things that i have now will be there, and when something that i have is taken/leaves then i get scared about the future. if i am not making sence then i apologize, i just need to express my mind. i gotta get going. i hope that everyone is having a better thanksgiving than me. bye
i absolutly hate writing in here, and the are a couple reasions why i am writing in here. one, my eyes are so swolen that i can hardly open them, and my actual journal is filled with the heart felt pages exprressing my feeling for everything. i feel like a drugie in rehab, and i am quitting a drug cold turky. with all the sickness and the depression that comes with it. now, please understand that i am not refering to anyone as a drug, nor am i speaking from personal experience. (about the rehab or the drugs) sometimes i wish that this was all a dream and i would wakeup in my old house in palm springs. life seemed so much eaiser there; much more peaceful, and a lot less sadness. i can remember that the only sad days that i had down there was when my dad left me, and when i had to say goodbye to my life long friends. other than those days i cannot remember a day in which i have felt the same feelings.
there is this one dream that i have accationaly. i am on a boat with some people. ther is a cage at the end of the boat, and i see this cage and i go towards it. i finally reach the cage and i get pushed into it. so i am hanging above the ocean with the people gathering all around me. all of a sudden the cage starts to lower into the sea. no one is doing anthing, they are just staring at me going down into the deep blue. i ,on the other hand, am franticly trying to escape. untill i see the lock on the door of the cage. once the people are out of sight the water is up to my chest, and the cage stops. then it drops right to the bottom on the ocean floor. the wierd thing is i can breath. i am still trying to get out. i look over to my right and there is this black cloud that is coming at me, fast, and i just give up. i am down on my knees, and i see the cloud hit me, i wake up.
now i dont know what my sub-consince is trying to tell me, but this dream scares the shit out of me. givin the situation that i am now it speaks volumes. i think the thing that scares me the most is the uncertanty of the future. for me, i want to make sure everything will be alright in the future, and that the things that i have now will be there, and when something that i have is taken/leaves then i get scared about the future. if i am not making sence then i apologize, i just need to express my mind. i gotta get going. i hope that everyone is having a better thanksgiving than me. bye