who wants to be ordinary?
Today wasn`t what i expected.I never realized that just one mistake can bring you down &take away everything. I sincerely hate starting over. Whether; starting fresh at a new school, starting a new set of friends, 0K you get the point. Change is so hard to do because it doesn`t take a sec, min,hour,day,week or even a month for a person to change. It takes time. I can`t last a change for even 2months. I always end up back at square one. The more i go back there, the less i have the motivation to change. It's not only hurting me, but it's hurting the one i love &my family.
I`m sitting here, with my hair pulled back, eating my aunt's cooking, &my eyes are puffy &swollen. i`ve been scared &frightened the whole day. I can`t think of what to do or say. But the only thing thats really on my mind is when he said "i don`t know if i can do this" That made my heart stop &shredded into pieces. I tried holding back the tears, but i couldn`t get a hold of it. Sure i`ve been in love a couple of times, but not to the point where i don`t wanna move on without him &i don`t wanna START over with someone else. Thats how much he got to me. When he hugged me tight, i felt secured &loved. something i never felt from the others. when he told me that he can`t let me go, i couldn`t help getting weak inside. (Don`t think im 0BSESSED with him or like it's the end of the world for me if i`m not with him noo!)
The whole time we felt ashamed &petrified, but still we held close. My aunt started lecturing us. It's not one of those boring lectures that you listen to that comes out from one ear to another. It's one of those, shut up, listen cuz it's a slap from reality. The end, our relationship felt brand new to me. I was less panicky, but more stressed. All these, what is she gonna say, do, what will happen questions crossed my mind. By the time he left, i felt alone &quiet.
So tmrw's Easter Sunday. What i really hate about myself &some particular people is that, when people pray it's not a prayer, it's more like a "gimme this, or gimme that" i do ask for things, but i also conclude others. Wow alright, im going to end it here, i`m getting to the point where i feel like im one of them preachers on BET Sunday mornings.
For now -- hope for the best
I`m sitting here, with my hair pulled back, eating my aunt's cooking, &my eyes are puffy &swollen. i`ve been scared &frightened the whole day. I can`t think of what to do or say. But the only thing thats really on my mind is when he said "i don`t know if i can do this" That made my heart stop &shredded into pieces. I tried holding back the tears, but i couldn`t get a hold of it. Sure i`ve been in love a couple of times, but not to the point where i don`t wanna move on without him &i don`t wanna START over with someone else. Thats how much he got to me. When he hugged me tight, i felt secured &loved. something i never felt from the others. when he told me that he can`t let me go, i couldn`t help getting weak inside. (Don`t think im 0BSESSED with him or like it's the end of the world for me if i`m not with him noo!)
The whole time we felt ashamed &petrified, but still we held close. My aunt started lecturing us. It's not one of those boring lectures that you listen to that comes out from one ear to another. It's one of those, shut up, listen cuz it's a slap from reality. The end, our relationship felt brand new to me. I was less panicky, but more stressed. All these, what is she gonna say, do, what will happen questions crossed my mind. By the time he left, i felt alone &quiet.
So tmrw's Easter Sunday. What i really hate about myself &some particular people is that, when people pray it's not a prayer, it's more like a "gimme this, or gimme that" i do ask for things, but i also conclude others. Wow alright, im going to end it here, i`m getting to the point where i feel like im one of them preachers on BET Sunday mornings.
For now -- hope for the best