(no subject)
All I want is to do the right thing. Why is it so hard? No matter how hard I try, I can't help screwing up - every single time. It's too easy to hurt the ones you love - too easy by far.
I have nothing but the best intentions - I've been working hard to get rid of all the messed up motives and feelings inside my heart - I want to be good, and this time, for real. I'm careful. But careful never seems to cut it - and here I am again, feeling crushed by my inability to take care of it all, and my failure to be the person I want to be.
I want to be perfect. I never want to make a mistake again - because everytime I fall, I'm terrified that this time, I won't be getting up again. This time, forgiveness doesn't apply to me, the safety net has broken, I'm out of rope. And in my head I know it isn't true - that there exists abundant grace to lift me up again - but my heart finds it so hard to believe.
I'm sorry. Please be patient with me. I never meant to hurt you - but I'm just so good at it.
I have nothing but the best intentions - I've been working hard to get rid of all the messed up motives and feelings inside my heart - I want to be good, and this time, for real. I'm careful. But careful never seems to cut it - and here I am again, feeling crushed by my inability to take care of it all, and my failure to be the person I want to be.
I want to be perfect. I never want to make a mistake again - because everytime I fall, I'm terrified that this time, I won't be getting up again. This time, forgiveness doesn't apply to me, the safety net has broken, I'm out of rope. And in my head I know it isn't true - that there exists abundant grace to lift me up again - but my heart finds it so hard to believe.
I'm sorry. Please be patient with me. I never meant to hurt you - but I'm just so good at it.