"oh how wrong we were to think immortality meant never dying"
-my chemical romance.
i finally listened to the older cd. and its wonderful. it sounds like a first album though. but the lyrics are so strong it doesnt matter.
and there is a lot of carryover. sometimes in french.. like there was a piece of cardboard that said 'three cheers for sweet revenge!' in french. and the jacket said 'merci pour le venin' (thank you for the venom, a name for a song of the second album) on the back. i like carryover.
that immortality got me thiniking about back when i was even more delusional than i am now.
when i thought i was immortal.
(let me explain it, i thought that i was immortal but that i would have to give it up to live. which makes sense. bacause now that i know i am not immortal, i am living more than before. of course, i am still a little delusional, because i still belive that i was immortal then.)
and i realize now, that being immortal wasnt about living forever, it was about constantly dying. dying while you can still enjoy it. dying young, dying often, not living. death death death death death. and thats all i have to say about that. and now i get to live.
k said to me "f---ing saviour complex".
well, thats it exactly. thats what i was thinking about when i wrote that.
i blame my mother.
and what she said about me saving the world, yes, she really did tell me that im supposed to save the world.
and it bothers me. so im trying.
its like in that book choke, starting out with small miracles and working up to the big ones.
(lord, how am i going to explain this to a psychologist later? *laughs*)
becasue, yeah, i really dont know if i love adam or not.
but i have to stick with it, its my saviour comlpex.
and the boy from yesterday, i dont know what i was trying to save him from.
heres what ive got. and its probably wrong.
people with saviour complexes are really trying to save themselves. saviour complexes must feel that they have to save other people, but not for the sake of the other people, for their own. because they dont think they can save themselves from whatever they are dealing with. so, they try to somehow rescue themselves by saving others. if that makes any sense. i think maybe its secretly trying to earn salvation? i dont know. and it might be all wrong.
other things ive been thinking about becasue of that 7th grade boy yesterday include my 7-8th grade years. and my cheerleading days.
and the fact that we babysat my 8th grade history/science teacher's daughter all day today doesnt help. so ive been thinking about all of this stuff, and letters i burned, and things that ive been trying to leave alone. memories that do not matter anymore. but i cant get them out! this whole year has been letting go of things i shouldnbt be still holding on to. and today it hit me that a freind of mine is gone. he moved far away a few weekends ago. im going to miss him.
and ive got a country song that i heard on the radio, that i love ive only heard it once.
The king of broken hearts doesn't ask much from his friends
And he has quite a few of them
They know he will understand
That's just the way it goes
Theking of broken hearts doesn't know he's a king
He's trying to forget other things
Like some old ship at sea
He's walking through life alone
He talks to angels
And the stars start to spin
He thinks of troubles that he's gotten in
He recalls how his heart got broken
And how it's still that way
The king of broken hearts is so sad and wise
He can smile while he's crying inside
We know he'll be brave tonight
Cause he's the king of broken hearts
The king of broken hearts thinks that he's no fool
He's a little like me and you
So what's a king like that supposed to do
With all that blue time
We know he'll be brave tonight
Cause he's the king of broken hearts
He's the king of broken hearts
-george strait, the king of broken hearts.
it reminded me of something.
take care.
i finally listened to the older cd. and its wonderful. it sounds like a first album though. but the lyrics are so strong it doesnt matter.
and there is a lot of carryover. sometimes in french.. like there was a piece of cardboard that said 'three cheers for sweet revenge!' in french. and the jacket said 'merci pour le venin' (thank you for the venom, a name for a song of the second album) on the back. i like carryover.
that immortality got me thiniking about back when i was even more delusional than i am now.
when i thought i was immortal.
(let me explain it, i thought that i was immortal but that i would have to give it up to live. which makes sense. bacause now that i know i am not immortal, i am living more than before. of course, i am still a little delusional, because i still belive that i was immortal then.)
and i realize now, that being immortal wasnt about living forever, it was about constantly dying. dying while you can still enjoy it. dying young, dying often, not living. death death death death death. and thats all i have to say about that. and now i get to live.
k said to me "f---ing saviour complex".
well, thats it exactly. thats what i was thinking about when i wrote that.
i blame my mother.
and what she said about me saving the world, yes, she really did tell me that im supposed to save the world.
and it bothers me. so im trying.
its like in that book choke, starting out with small miracles and working up to the big ones.
(lord, how am i going to explain this to a psychologist later? *laughs*)
becasue, yeah, i really dont know if i love adam or not.
but i have to stick with it, its my saviour comlpex.
and the boy from yesterday, i dont know what i was trying to save him from.
heres what ive got. and its probably wrong.
people with saviour complexes are really trying to save themselves. saviour complexes must feel that they have to save other people, but not for the sake of the other people, for their own. because they dont think they can save themselves from whatever they are dealing with. so, they try to somehow rescue themselves by saving others. if that makes any sense. i think maybe its secretly trying to earn salvation? i dont know. and it might be all wrong.
other things ive been thinking about becasue of that 7th grade boy yesterday include my 7-8th grade years. and my cheerleading days.
and the fact that we babysat my 8th grade history/science teacher's daughter all day today doesnt help. so ive been thinking about all of this stuff, and letters i burned, and things that ive been trying to leave alone. memories that do not matter anymore. but i cant get them out! this whole year has been letting go of things i shouldnbt be still holding on to. and today it hit me that a freind of mine is gone. he moved far away a few weekends ago. im going to miss him.
and ive got a country song that i heard on the radio, that i love ive only heard it once.
The king of broken hearts doesn't ask much from his friends
And he has quite a few of them
They know he will understand
That's just the way it goes
Theking of broken hearts doesn't know he's a king
He's trying to forget other things
Like some old ship at sea
He's walking through life alone
He talks to angels
And the stars start to spin
He thinks of troubles that he's gotten in
He recalls how his heart got broken
And how it's still that way
The king of broken hearts is so sad and wise
He can smile while he's crying inside
We know he'll be brave tonight
Cause he's the king of broken hearts
The king of broken hearts thinks that he's no fool
He's a little like me and you
So what's a king like that supposed to do
With all that blue time
We know he'll be brave tonight
Cause he's the king of broken hearts
He's the king of broken hearts
-george strait, the king of broken hearts.
it reminded me of something.
take care.