Heroinebigbang: Help, I'm Alive

[upupa_epops]

Title: Help, I'm Alive
Author: upupa-epops
Mixer: ever-neutral
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries
Word Count: 5,000
Rating: NC 17
Characters/Pairings: Elena Gilbert, Alaric Saltzman, Damon Salvatore
Warnings major character death; allusions to mental illness and self-harm
Summary: Goes AU in TVD 3x11. Stefan feeds Elena his blood, and drives her off Wickery Bridge. But everyday

Comments

[vergoldung]

Meredith is no fun at all, way too focused and composed for Elena's taste, tragically effective when she should know there's nothing she can do. Elena is dead, and she wants someone to acknowledge it. She feels like this should be a profound moment: there should be trumpets, or drums, or people wailing in the background; something significant and adequately melodramatic. Instead she smells some sickeningly sweet detergent, and loses her entire respect for death.
Yeeeessssssssss so good it huuuuurts. All the bitter pettiness and melodrama cravings, I love it I love it. And then she loses respect for death omfg somebody hold me pls.

But Meredith is already looking for the number on her own cell, and Elena is hit with sudden disappointment that no one even ran any tests; she's in the hospital, clearly undead, a medical mystery - surely there should be tests? There were a lot of tests the first time she went off that bridge, and maybe it was even Meredith who ran them, Elena isn't sure (she wasn't supposed to care about things like that back then, so she went numb like a good girl). But now there are just a few words over the phone, and everything is done. She hasn't even been here for an hour yet.

Definitely anticlimactic.
I remember being awfully nitpicking about this scene but now the final result is so PERFECT I just need you to know that THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED AND I'M CRYING. Everything is crystal clear and there is so much paaaaaaain. Perfect perfect.

Elena wants to answer, she really does, but a vowel gets caught in her throat, so she lets out a laugh to clear it, a short, cutting sound, and suddenly Meredith doesn't look like she wants to talk anymore.
w e e p i n g on my cold kitchen floor

She tries to look the part, bites her lip and crosses her arms, but the car is so loud it makes her head hurt, so she slips a few times; lets vulnerability alter her features before she corrects herself.
YOU ARE SO THE WORST THERE NEEDS TO BE A SECTION IN THE DICTIONARY ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST

Hopefully, Ric doesn't notice.
fuck this sentence

real muscles clenching very real plastic bags, splosh-splosh, too much.
o______O can u not

Giving up is not what she's expected to do.
see above

Alaric invited her in.
ahhhhhhhh but really WHY DO YOU KEEP SINGLING OUT THOSE MOMENTS MY HEART IS ALREADY BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING

UGHHHHHH THE HUG+ALARIC+THECRAZYMUMBLING AGAIN DO NOT TALK TO ME

It's kind of funny to watch a terrified expression appear on Ric's face out of habit, and then immediately drop as his brain registers that Elena's inappropriate alcohol intake just stopped being a problem. Damon gets up to get her a glass - to do something with his hands, really. He can't even sit down again once he does it, so he opens the fridge and starts clearing shelves, throws out some expired yoghurt, a piece of cheese that's not supposed to be green, and a half-eaten tomato. He smells like cheap bourbon and expensive aftershave, Elena registers idly, but Alaric smells like blood.
I HATE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS PARAGRAPH. I WANT TO BURN IT. BURN IT AND MAKE IT GO AWAY.

Next morning, she gets up early enough to wash her shirt.
pain is my body

Social workers would have something to say about her knowing how her history teacher, slash, stepfather likes his coffee when he's hungover, but, whatever. She likes the simplicity, three teaspoons of coffee and more sugar than any sane person could handle, Alaric's favorite mug, blue-and-white stripes, no...

(Some thoughts are better cut in half.)
FOREVER FOREVER
ugh i hate you with so much passion

Mid-way through the meal Alaric gets up without a word, picks something up from the couch, and next thing Elena knows, he's covering the kitchen window with his blanket.

The sheepish smile he gives her makes his blood smell even better.
I WANT TO SAY THAT NOTHING CAN TOP THIS BUT I AM WORRIED THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE ME EAT MY WORDS
TERRIFIED TBH