I'm Just Trying to Stay Blameless (Elena, Damon)

[upupa_epops]

Title: I'm Just Trying to Stay Blameless
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: [4x07 spoiler]This time, I am definitely not ignoring anything that happens in 4x07. There's no sex, but I am strongly focusing on the sire bond, so if the concept is triggering for you, you might want to skip this.
Wordcount: 1300 (I have no idea why did I even set up a

Comments

[magisterequitum]

:(((

this hurts so much

like having to rebuild herself and everyone is shitty and not helpful and she has to do it on her own, and like fuck, learning what colors she actually likes

I DON'T LIKE THIS

EXCEPT I DO

BUT DAMN YOU

[upupa_epops]

I just couldn't get this off my mind :(.

Thank you!

[magisterequitum]

My face might have contorted at Caroline's "are you sure" (because I could see her wanting to help but like pushing and Elena wondering if she's just taking what Caroline wants her to be) and then her wanting to hold and hug Bonnie.

and seeking him out because he's avoiding her and making himself small.

ALL MY TEARS

[upupa_epops]

That's the problem with TVD characters, everyone is actually benevolent most of the time, only benevolence doesn't mean jack shit, because those people are so flawed.

and seeking him out because he's avoiding her and making himself small

Is it just me, or did D/E just take a HUGE turn because of the sire bond, and not the obvious one? Up until 4x07 Damon was important because he was, to put it crudely, sexually available. Elena's attraction to Damon (and a possibility for her to sleep with Damon) worked as a metaphor for breaking free from being The Good Girl. Now the tables are turned and suddenly Damon The Friend becomes crucial, because she can't doubt their friendship. Idk, I'm rambling, I can't really phrase it well, but this feels important.

[magisterequitum]

No, yes yes. I agree. I think it is that. And we might see her saying but I liked him before, all of S3, so what does that say?

[kwritten]

Elena's attraction to Damon (and a possibility for her to sleep with Damon) worked as a metaphor for breaking free from being The Good Girl. Now the tables are turned and suddenly Damon The Friend becomes crucial, because she can't doubt their friendship. Idk, I'm rambling, I can't really phrase it well, but this feels important.NOT rambling (jumping in - sorry

[angearia]

learning what colors she actually likes

this was a punch to the gut to me too. and i think the worst part is that she has no means of moving forward. so what, is she supposed to only like the colors she liked before she was turned? she's not allowed to change, to grow, because everything post-turning might be tainted by sire-bond issues. it's another way of keeping her from really exploring what she wants -- before turning, she was living to meet outside expectations, and now she's trying to live by her internal compass, only to discover that's been fucked over. elena's identity as the battleground.

[upupa_epops]

so what, is she supposed to only like the colors she liked before she was turned? she's not allowed to change, to grow, because everything post-turning might be tainted by sire-bond issues.

That's what I can't stop thinking about. She's a vampire, her emotions are heightened, she's sired -- every single change in her that other people don't like can now be blamed on those factors. Everyone gets to decide who's the real Elena, and all in the name of protecting Elena. That must lead to her being terrified of every possible change, her being paralyzed by the idea of being constantly evaluated.

Have I mentioned clusterfuck?

[angearia]

total clusterfuck. and it's such a harsh turn after watching her be so HAPPY in 4.07. anticipating how she's going to have to fight through this doubt and misery. but i'm hopefuly she's going to get ANGRY and DEFIANT.

i just want her to fight for herself.

[badboy_fangirl]

ANGRY AND DEFIANT FOR THE WIN!

Would it be okay if we were friends? I hear nice things about you.

[angearia]

ANGRY DEFIANCE <3

and yes! i'd love to be friends :)

[badboy_fangirl]

I have added you! Happy day!

[upupa_epops]

but i'm hopefuly she's going to get ANGRY and DEFIANT.

That's hard to tell. I mean, can she be? I think she'll be jumping between furious and broken/obedient.

[angearia]

It just seems like the situation demands a breaking point. Like, the despair of living in constant self-doubt. It makes me think of AtS and "if nothing we do matters, all that matters is what we do." Like maybe it'll push Elena into an unexpected turn of self-belief

[upupa_epops]

Hmm, I don't really see Damon losing faith in her? I can see him doubting their sexual/romantic relationship (so will Elena, I think), but he KNOWS they're friends. He knows what they shared before she was turned, he knows all that stuff that's real. I don't think he'd bail on her.

But yes, I could see Elena reaching a breaking point and starting to believe herself. Hopefully this will happen.

[angearia]

I dunno. I think Damon's been close to breaking for a while. It's like, he can wait 150 years for Katherine, but when that faith is shaken, he loses it. So for Damon, shifting him from friends to lovers, having him believe that he's loved, only for that to be taken away. That's going to seriously mess with his head. It's not so much about bailing on Elena, so much as I think Damon's going to be seriously unstable himself because of EMOTIONS. And I think the situation is going to just put more pressure on him because, like in your fic, how successful will he be at making himself smaller, especially if Elena seeks him out.

I think Damon's going to be a mess, too.