Maybe I Should Kill Myself (an Elena Gilbert 4x06 meta)
So, remember how I just had an Elena appreciation week and vomited tons of feelings? Yeah. I'm just gonna keep doing that. Only without gifs this time (by all means, feel free to gifspam me), because I can't be fucked to spend five hours sorting through all the screams and flail on my tumblr dash. I WILL DO IT AFTER MY BRAIN STOPS SCREAMING. Which
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That was what was so shocking to me in the episode, was that I thought Katherine would be a strong enough presence to be that ultimate survivor. But then, instead, that survivor, of all people, who would tell Elena to be like her, instead in hallucination form tells her to kill herself. Tells her that Elena is so abhorrent that she's an exception to the anything-to-survive rule. Which, no kidding that sent her running to the bridge.
She's been fighting so hard to preserve her humanity that she started losing it.
And the grand irony of everything is that in dying and becoming a non-human, Elena has a chance at last to find her humanity again. It's been a long, long time (before the show started, perhaps?) since Elena could cope with not being the perfect daughter/sister/friend/girlfriend/etc. She has to be in control and not fail or fall or be undependable, because she can identify herself in relation to who depends on her and if they don't or if she fails them, she's lost herself. It's not just emotions that make a person human, but also failure and learning from it and accepting it (or so my therapist says, anyway, when I tell her I like not having emotions and am looking forward to upgrading to robot, ahahaha I know this issue too well.)
Elena spends her humanity clutching to her mortality and suppressing her humanity; she spends her undead life rejecting her immortality and finding her humanity. The universe is a grand joke on her, really.
Yeah, Generation Loss is really great, it's very literary with a bit of horror, it's about a washed-up photographer trying to make something of herself or see if she's just lost everything about herself after putting pieces of who she is into all of her art. I'm pretty sure it's a novel of the sort of thing you'd write a ton of meta on.
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It's been a long, long time (before the show started, perhaps?) since Elena could cope with not being the perfect daughter/sister/friend/girlfriend/etc. She has to be in control and not fail or fall or be undependable, because she can identify herself in relation to who depends on her and if they don't or if she fails them, she's lost herself.
I kinda want to frame this :). And your therapist sounds like a very smart person!
I'm pretty sure it's a novel of the sort of thing you'd write a ton of meta on.
LOL, because I obviously need more of those XD.
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