(no subject)

[uptownsunrise]

I'm in touch with my ex again, he wants to be friends. He wrote me a message on facebook (again, he's kept trying for months now) -- and I couldn't say no. I didn't want to. Out of everybody I left behind in Philly, he's one of the few who is still trying to be my friend. It blows me away. I didn't expect this from him, and I expected more from a lot of people. It's made me think and hurt a lot in the past few days about  my last summer in Philly, how my ex and I connected over ideas and books and things felt like the clicked for a moment in time, how happy I was with my social circle, how much i trusted my friends to be there for me, how my last weeks at bryn mawr went, and how everything all went down. How my friends instigated my life completely changing and then got too busy for me.

I don't like my life right now. I don't have a support network, I don't have a steady group of people I hang out with, besides Katie. The people I was hanging out with around here don't even try to hang out with me anymore (hell, the person who gave me mono hasn't even called me). I don't have a job. I don't really have anything going for me. It's temporary, of course, I'm going to get a job soon, and if I keep trying I'm sure I'll make more friends. But for right now? My ex wants to be my friend and it's made me think, hell -- maybe we'll talk about ideas and books again, I miss that in people. I miss people.

This itty bitty experience is changing the way I feel about life. And suddenly I feel stronger, and a little bit better.