(no subject)
i'm trying so hard to be positive.
let me list the good things first: the week is almost over. i like all my professors. my english classes are going to be obscenely easy in comparison to bryn mawr. my bowling instructor is hot. karate is going to get me into shape. my bed is comfortable. my kittens are endlessly loving and sweet. i saw curt yesterday and had a good time. my roommate is nice.
it is just really really hard to walk around an enormous college campus where i know only 5 people. that includes my brother and my roommate, and two guys who are really just curt's friends. oh. wait. 6 people. anna's brother too.
i feel like i don't remember how to make female friends without having a starting ground. a starter friend to branch off of, or with.
i've never started a school without knowing at least one girl ahead of time.
and it is impossible to figure out what guys really want from you until you know them awhile.
i'm scared of boys. i feel like prey. i'm not used to being checked out.
i just want to wear a sign that says: don't look at me that way, i'm trying to have a cigarette and melt into the pavement before my next class.
i feel like i stand out terribly, by myself, pairs of people passing. i'm quiet and everybody's talking. cell phones to ears, making plans with friends.
it is incredibly lonely.
and the weather has gone to crap, it's cold and slushy.
but i'm trying to be positive...
this week is almost over, and i'm going to go into nashville the next three days/nights, i'm going to see people i know.
i don't have class on friday, so i think i'll get my hair done.
saturday my mother is paying for me to get a massage; i'm going to get whatever kind you have to make you cry. it'll make me feel better. i need to cry, just get it all out. really feel it.
i can get through this.
i will hang out a lot with curt.
the weather will warm up.
i will make friends.
this semester will pass.
and allen the kitten is spooning with me.
let me list the good things first: the week is almost over. i like all my professors. my english classes are going to be obscenely easy in comparison to bryn mawr. my bowling instructor is hot. karate is going to get me into shape. my bed is comfortable. my kittens are endlessly loving and sweet. i saw curt yesterday and had a good time. my roommate is nice.
it is just really really hard to walk around an enormous college campus where i know only 5 people. that includes my brother and my roommate, and two guys who are really just curt's friends. oh. wait. 6 people. anna's brother too.
i feel like i don't remember how to make female friends without having a starting ground. a starter friend to branch off of, or with.
i've never started a school without knowing at least one girl ahead of time.
and it is impossible to figure out what guys really want from you until you know them awhile.
i'm scared of boys. i feel like prey. i'm not used to being checked out.
i just want to wear a sign that says: don't look at me that way, i'm trying to have a cigarette and melt into the pavement before my next class.
i feel like i stand out terribly, by myself, pairs of people passing. i'm quiet and everybody's talking. cell phones to ears, making plans with friends.
it is incredibly lonely.
and the weather has gone to crap, it's cold and slushy.
but i'm trying to be positive...
this week is almost over, and i'm going to go into nashville the next three days/nights, i'm going to see people i know.
i don't have class on friday, so i think i'll get my hair done.
saturday my mother is paying for me to get a massage; i'm going to get whatever kind you have to make you cry. it'll make me feel better. i need to cry, just get it all out. really feel it.
i can get through this.
i will hang out a lot with curt.
the weather will warm up.
i will make friends.
this semester will pass.
and allen the kitten is spooning with me.