June's Consequences
This weekend. I'll do the best I can to give you an idea of what it was like.
Friday night. Nikki's going-away bash at Neighbours.
I ran into every single guy I have dated since I moved out to Green River last fall. Zach, Collin, Brett, George (Mr. Anonymous, who was with Brittany and I), Joe (Fratboy), and most recently, my crush, David.
To top it off, I left my car keys in my car, and had to have a towing company break into my car. $50 I'll never see again.
It was awful. Joe's boyfriend kept on giving me nasty looks all night, I tried to ignore Brett and David. George danced the night away with his current fling. Zach was kind enough to come up and talk to me.
Joe was tough to see. It was a very emotional connection between the two of us, but we didn't fit, and it wasn't right. We broke each other's hearts - but at least it was an experience that made me grow. As was my experience with Brett.
And Collin. Collin. I had a feeling he would be there that night. It was weird, he pulled me towards him to talk. And as much as I tried to stay in control, it was tough. But I kept on repeating to myself "he's bad for you, he's bad for you." He tried to kiss me, like he had months ago - but this time, I didn't let him. He said he wanted to see me, and told me to call.
Back inside, this sweet, cute adorable guy came up to me at the club when I was feeling vulnerable and introduced himself. He was certainly cute. So while I was dancing with him, I thought "Ah, what the hell. When in Rome." So I made out with him, and he was a great kisser. We have a date on Tuesday. That did make me feel bit better, I really need the self-esteem booster.
Saturday I said goodbye to Nikki, my best friend for the last three years. It was the end of an era, and I knew I would never be the same without her. But as one very wise person told me once: you just have think of the time spent with people as a season, and accept that seasons change. So people will leave your life, or come back. Know that new seasons will come though, with all new experiences and people. You can love and cherish the old seasons, but never look back.
Earlier that day, Collin called and left message. "Don't be afraid to call" he said.
But one good thing did happen on Saturday. I called up Chris, the guy I went on a date with earlier in the week, and decided to give him the courtesy that I didn't get from the last two guys I dated. I was going to be the bigger person and be 100% honest. I explained to him that the frequent comments and text messages made me feel uncomfortable, and that I felt that he came on a little too strong. He said he appreciated my honesty. At that moment, I actually felt great about myself. Guys in my past had left me in the dark, but I didn't have to do the same. I could be better than that.
Better yet, I didn't call Collin back. So maybe I have grown.
Hmm. In my past, I would have called him and felt like shit afterward. But I'm wiser now, and it feels really good to say that.
My friends and I, though, aren't doing so well. I was angry for some reason this weekend, and I couldn't quite put my finger on why. And my friends didn't seem to understand, which left me frustrated and upset. I felt oddly alone, like there wasn't anyone who would just get me.
Then, when I had to call my sister back this weekend, my father answered the phone. I hadn't talked with him for over three months, and I didn't plan or seeing him or talking to him anytime soon either. When I heard his voice, all this anger built up in me just exploded. I hung up on him, and flung the phone onto the couch.
Then there was a silence in my apartment. I didn't know what I felt, or what to say. It was such a complicated emotion; anger doesn't seem to cut it. My past was haunting me, and my future terrified me. And in my present, there was no comfort.
I hate June. I miss May.
Friday night. Nikki's going-away bash at Neighbours.
I ran into every single guy I have dated since I moved out to Green River last fall. Zach, Collin, Brett, George (Mr. Anonymous, who was with Brittany and I), Joe (Fratboy), and most recently, my crush, David.
To top it off, I left my car keys in my car, and had to have a towing company break into my car. $50 I'll never see again.
It was awful. Joe's boyfriend kept on giving me nasty looks all night, I tried to ignore Brett and David. George danced the night away with his current fling. Zach was kind enough to come up and talk to me.
Joe was tough to see. It was a very emotional connection between the two of us, but we didn't fit, and it wasn't right. We broke each other's hearts - but at least it was an experience that made me grow. As was my experience with Brett.
And Collin. Collin. I had a feeling he would be there that night. It was weird, he pulled me towards him to talk. And as much as I tried to stay in control, it was tough. But I kept on repeating to myself "he's bad for you, he's bad for you." He tried to kiss me, like he had months ago - but this time, I didn't let him. He said he wanted to see me, and told me to call.
Back inside, this sweet, cute adorable guy came up to me at the club when I was feeling vulnerable and introduced himself. He was certainly cute. So while I was dancing with him, I thought "Ah, what the hell. When in Rome." So I made out with him, and he was a great kisser. We have a date on Tuesday. That did make me feel bit better, I really need the self-esteem booster.
Saturday I said goodbye to Nikki, my best friend for the last three years. It was the end of an era, and I knew I would never be the same without her. But as one very wise person told me once: you just have think of the time spent with people as a season, and accept that seasons change. So people will leave your life, or come back. Know that new seasons will come though, with all new experiences and people. You can love and cherish the old seasons, but never look back.
Earlier that day, Collin called and left message. "Don't be afraid to call" he said.
But one good thing did happen on Saturday. I called up Chris, the guy I went on a date with earlier in the week, and decided to give him the courtesy that I didn't get from the last two guys I dated. I was going to be the bigger person and be 100% honest. I explained to him that the frequent comments and text messages made me feel uncomfortable, and that I felt that he came on a little too strong. He said he appreciated my honesty. At that moment, I actually felt great about myself. Guys in my past had left me in the dark, but I didn't have to do the same. I could be better than that.
Better yet, I didn't call Collin back. So maybe I have grown.
Hmm. In my past, I would have called him and felt like shit afterward. But I'm wiser now, and it feels really good to say that.
My friends and I, though, aren't doing so well. I was angry for some reason this weekend, and I couldn't quite put my finger on why. And my friends didn't seem to understand, which left me frustrated and upset. I felt oddly alone, like there wasn't anyone who would just get me.
Then, when I had to call my sister back this weekend, my father answered the phone. I hadn't talked with him for over three months, and I didn't plan or seeing him or talking to him anytime soon either. When I heard his voice, all this anger built up in me just exploded. I hung up on him, and flung the phone onto the couch.
Then there was a silence in my apartment. I didn't know what I felt, or what to say. It was such a complicated emotion; anger doesn't seem to cut it. My past was haunting me, and my future terrified me. And in my present, there was no comfort.
I hate June. I miss May.