I Dream of a World in Color
I walk down digital memories of people who aren't me. They were fragments of a whole I never understood, the fleeting glimpses of shadows which moved out of sight when being focused upon. These rich, deep people. I miss them. I missed out on them, some of them.
The girl I admired who brazenly danced through a hurricane of blood-slashes and desperate dreams...
I never knew ye. I watched ye and loved ye as the facade you presented. Forgive me, but I desperately craved the ignorant bliss... I cowered from the knowledge of knowing you... of seeing the real world behind smiles and beautiful, cynical eyes. It's taken me years to be able to love who you really were then, but now that moment is gone. You were infinately beautiful and impossible for me to touch... a thing of glass, of poise, of better than me. I did not dare to dream of you. I had been trained well to think of myself a peasant in your grace. I have learned to not care so much about these things... I respected your acute mind and your dedication. You were admirable in many ways. I raised you high on a pedistal of glass that I could not bear to see broken.
The boy, the satyr, I half-knew and hated and loved and burned... though I burned alongside you, you did not know. I tied myself to the other side of your stake. You'll never know I cared... I was too afraid to show you. I'd seen your fickleness, Bedlam's Bard... I'd seen your drunken, bipolar state... and in you I saw a great confusion which I was afraid was contagious. I didn't flee from you, but I faded, afraid to flee, and you hated me for it. Resented me for it. I wish I knew a better way. I'm not happy how it turned out, but I'm not sure what to do otherwise. You're a repeating conundrum. I think I will always be in cautious awe of you.
The girl of fire and ice... a mane of flame and a name of snow. I wonder about you... the last I heard you were in trouble, with your family chasing you... banging on my ear with a felon boyfriend I didn't know and asking for a place to hide. You said I changed for the worse. I believed you then. I'm not sure now. I've found the ground, finally... and I can stand firmly. But I still miss you and that southern drawl. You left me wondering and unable to find you, despite searches.
The girl with chameleon eyes. I watched you begin your first blossoming... saw your chocolate eyes fill with joy and warmth... saw them turn black and jaded, cynical and skeptical towards the world... entirely cold. I watched you change, and I floundered when you were near. I'm not sure I'll ever be as dynamic as you. Your laugh was infectious and you were silly. I knew that once.. Random as hell, yet utterly charming and sincere. You taught me to dream beyond the box, even if it was subconscious. I remember wronging you once and it was enough. I was a coward then. The regret of that has seen me change. I was a child though, and that was a large step towards adulthood. I think I saw your child on facebook or something. I wasn't even aware you were pregnant... I knew you craved motherhood... and if he's yours, he is absolutely beautiful and I'm happy for you. Float on...
The girl of the flowering dark. You taught me to learn to see what I was told not to. I'm ever grateful to that. You were sweet and crazy and entirely true. I remember you defending a spider from the kids at gym class, crying, trying to save it. That memory will always be with me... the fear you had for it, one of Her children, is testament towards the capacity you have for others. You have a child now and are well on your way to forgetting me. Edgar Allen should be proud to bear your namesake, rather than you, his.
The red wind. Wow, so far I've watched you come... and go and come again. Such a change, so radical. Who but you could have pulled it off so well? Shame that your maturity needs suffer to succeed. I'll miss the focused depth that you won't remember. A child for you too. All of you so young to be bearing before me. It makes me horribly jealous. But so very glad for you. Your elation... I'll remember that always. I'm surprised to see your life turn out this way though. You, of all people, in the exact opposite position you intially started in. But, my, how strange of a perspective you had then compared to now? NOW, of course, you see things in a better light... yet I wonder if you of the past would look into his future and say the exact same thing, even knowing that it was his future. Live well.
The woman with the scythe. You... You I can never and will never give honor too. You were very deceptive and that leads me to fear for all you encounter. The capicity of be an ardroit manipulator... You have balls, I'll give you that. You caused much grief... and are causing much grief. I invoked to be avenged and to stem you. My love for others has me regret this. Three times three is much more than I imagined... and I feel very foolish to draw upon the multiplier of 9. Such wrongful power that I should be accountable for. I fear the consequences of even knowing you. Beware to those who encounter thee. Be it so that they see truth and that only truth escapes your lips... that only truth is shown by you...
That you bear no harmful will. May you find a lighted way to follow. Know Truth, Know Love... Know Trust... and all of their value.
The girl of the golden, spiked ring... You I am not ready to write. The chapter lies not yet closed... Soon Enough. Yet do no lament. Your journey is beginning. The end I think, is spectaculour and wondrous.
The rest of the book is filling itself out. But these... these characters I know the very scents of, the laughs of, the colors of...
And I dream of you all.
-Because I Can
The girl I admired who brazenly danced through a hurricane of blood-slashes and desperate dreams...
I never knew ye. I watched ye and loved ye as the facade you presented. Forgive me, but I desperately craved the ignorant bliss... I cowered from the knowledge of knowing you... of seeing the real world behind smiles and beautiful, cynical eyes. It's taken me years to be able to love who you really were then, but now that moment is gone. You were infinately beautiful and impossible for me to touch... a thing of glass, of poise, of better than me. I did not dare to dream of you. I had been trained well to think of myself a peasant in your grace. I have learned to not care so much about these things... I respected your acute mind and your dedication. You were admirable in many ways. I raised you high on a pedistal of glass that I could not bear to see broken.
The boy, the satyr, I half-knew and hated and loved and burned... though I burned alongside you, you did not know. I tied myself to the other side of your stake. You'll never know I cared... I was too afraid to show you. I'd seen your fickleness, Bedlam's Bard... I'd seen your drunken, bipolar state... and in you I saw a great confusion which I was afraid was contagious. I didn't flee from you, but I faded, afraid to flee, and you hated me for it. Resented me for it. I wish I knew a better way. I'm not happy how it turned out, but I'm not sure what to do otherwise. You're a repeating conundrum. I think I will always be in cautious awe of you.
The girl of fire and ice... a mane of flame and a name of snow. I wonder about you... the last I heard you were in trouble, with your family chasing you... banging on my ear with a felon boyfriend I didn't know and asking for a place to hide. You said I changed for the worse. I believed you then. I'm not sure now. I've found the ground, finally... and I can stand firmly. But I still miss you and that southern drawl. You left me wondering and unable to find you, despite searches.
The girl with chameleon eyes. I watched you begin your first blossoming... saw your chocolate eyes fill with joy and warmth... saw them turn black and jaded, cynical and skeptical towards the world... entirely cold. I watched you change, and I floundered when you were near. I'm not sure I'll ever be as dynamic as you. Your laugh was infectious and you were silly. I knew that once.. Random as hell, yet utterly charming and sincere. You taught me to dream beyond the box, even if it was subconscious. I remember wronging you once and it was enough. I was a coward then. The regret of that has seen me change. I was a child though, and that was a large step towards adulthood. I think I saw your child on facebook or something. I wasn't even aware you were pregnant... I knew you craved motherhood... and if he's yours, he is absolutely beautiful and I'm happy for you. Float on...
The girl of the flowering dark. You taught me to learn to see what I was told not to. I'm ever grateful to that. You were sweet and crazy and entirely true. I remember you defending a spider from the kids at gym class, crying, trying to save it. That memory will always be with me... the fear you had for it, one of Her children, is testament towards the capacity you have for others. You have a child now and are well on your way to forgetting me. Edgar Allen should be proud to bear your namesake, rather than you, his.
The red wind. Wow, so far I've watched you come... and go and come again. Such a change, so radical. Who but you could have pulled it off so well? Shame that your maturity needs suffer to succeed. I'll miss the focused depth that you won't remember. A child for you too. All of you so young to be bearing before me. It makes me horribly jealous. But so very glad for you. Your elation... I'll remember that always. I'm surprised to see your life turn out this way though. You, of all people, in the exact opposite position you intially started in. But, my, how strange of a perspective you had then compared to now? NOW, of course, you see things in a better light... yet I wonder if you of the past would look into his future and say the exact same thing, even knowing that it was his future. Live well.
The woman with the scythe. You... You I can never and will never give honor too. You were very deceptive and that leads me to fear for all you encounter. The capicity of be an ardroit manipulator... You have balls, I'll give you that. You caused much grief... and are causing much grief. I invoked to be avenged and to stem you. My love for others has me regret this. Three times three is much more than I imagined... and I feel very foolish to draw upon the multiplier of 9. Such wrongful power that I should be accountable for. I fear the consequences of even knowing you. Beware to those who encounter thee. Be it so that they see truth and that only truth escapes your lips... that only truth is shown by you...
That you bear no harmful will. May you find a lighted way to follow. Know Truth, Know Love... Know Trust... and all of their value.
The girl of the golden, spiked ring... You I am not ready to write. The chapter lies not yet closed... Soon Enough. Yet do no lament. Your journey is beginning. The end I think, is spectaculour and wondrous.
The rest of the book is filling itself out. But these... these characters I know the very scents of, the laughs of, the colors of...
And I dream of you all.
-Because I Can