...lj... its for the hiding
ok, so just after i made my post on stalker book about never posting on lj anymore and not really caring, here i am posting on lj. i think it's because i sort of remember posting to be cathartic, but i dont want to learn how to make my stalkernotes private. and i dont want it private from the world, just people here at rpi.
so i dont know if it's my upbringing (i blame mom for this one) but i just have to look at people funny when they dont know some things about... well things. like being science people and they dont know what you mean when you say "ohh my god, CERN's multibillion project, which has been all over even the non science news because it will create a black hole and destroy the earth, just quenched a magnet and won't be up and running till the spring. sucks for them physics pholks" and they dont know what CERN is and have never heard of the large hadron collider. or what esperanto is. or never seen the muppet movie and have no idea about who the swedish chef is. and lets not get started talking about board games. but for all those categories to miss, it just makes me scratch my head. that being said, the person this rant is quite clearly aimed at is a very cool person, who knows a lot of stuff, mostly related to being a band geek. so that being said, if the person is cool, it doesnt really matter, but it can be hard to have an enthusiastic conversation about the plight of modern experimental physics or the coolness of google's language settings (like klingon) without this similarly geeky background. (note, she probably knows what klingon is, and i pray to the gods that the day i make a blatant princess bride reference she has at least seen the movie, that one time back in grade school)
end rant one, which could have probably gone in the stalker book without me getting all wierd, because she saw the look on my face which i am trying to convey by that rant and probably already knows these thoughts i have.
begin part i wish to hide from the world but wihs to write and just hide in this internet abyss. so there does seem to be a person on campus who would get most if not all of those references. said person is also single and female. now it's been a while since tycho has been around single females of remotely the same age and interests, and i think i may have developed a bit of what they seem to call a crush. you know, it feels like im fucking 12 again. or in 8th grade (14) when i went to ask a girl out for the first time. and i was guaranteed of success. only to be shot down. that did great things to bolster my already rico suave type confidence. it's not that i havn't had crushes in the last year and a half, but i never really cared enough to want to do anything. social circles didn't overlap enough and i was going to be moving in less than a year, it didn't make sense to get worked up over it. but now, i'm where i will be for the foreseeable future, and lets face it, i can be lonely. cue emo shit.
I just dont know what to do with all this. my brain gets to thinking to fast. and all my nice guy mental loop baggage kicks in. even if i wanted to do anything about it i have not a fucking clue where to start. damnable brains. and she called me cute, wtf am i to do with that. it's such a horrible label. i mean it wasn't out of the blue, they (girl of top rant and girl of bottom musing) were discussing the physical appearances of other male grad students, i just happened to be there. and it's not that im not cute, i mean i probably went all flushed in the face when they said it, q.e.d. It's just a frustrating label. guys, even guys who don't even like the guy label, still want to be sexy manly men. at least in our own minds... as i said, brains.