I am so fucking done
kay so,i know i havent written on here in awhile, ive been tryin to wait for some good shit to write about.
but yea.
nothing
but
shit
and tonight was the last straw.
to bring you up to date, short and sweet.
the first day in our new apartment together, none of our shit, waiting for some help to carry our shit, we decide to celebrate that we FINALLY got our own place by doing some ketamine.
happy happy joy joy, its really good k, we're all flailin around dancing like idiots, when our friends call and ask for a ride, so kreg goes to get them, and im near k-holing at this point, so i decide to lay down on the floor, because standing was way too much effort....
I start trippin,and start visualizing what our lives where going to be like once we moved in, and i started panicking...this was our house....not mine, not his, i couldnt just leave at anytime, this is what i had agreed to, and this was what i wanted right?? i start getting very anxious and panicking, and wasnt enjoying this amazing k, so i told myself i was just high and i would get over it.
well i didnt.
i tried to be happy, i really did.
but its hard to pretend.
and then we hired a new guy at work, drew, and him and i clicked instantly. like we had been friends for years.and i was missing nanaimo times around this time, and this new friend i had made reminded me of the friends i missed so dearly.
i started hanging out with drew alot, and i had a new friend and i had just gotten my id in the mail, signaling my birthday, man, i was loving life!
i started drinking rather heavily everyday with new friends drew and rory.
they are such nice, non sketchy people, it was like a breath of fresh air to get my mind of nanaimo. i stayed at the hostel the nights where i didnt feel like going home, and even though kreg didnt approve of us hanging out so much, he wnted me to have a social life, so i kept hanging out with drew and rory more and more. i mention to a friend from the island that i had been spending alot of my time with my new friend drew and somehow word of that got miscommunicated and got back to kreg that i was cheating on him with drew, kreg calls me, saying that we needed to talk, so i go home the next day, and right away, he tells me that if i am cheating, to get out oh his life.
we talk shit out, sort of, and i explain i need more space, and that i was feeling very trapped and maybe i wasnt ready to live with him yet.
i barely see kreg anymore, both busy and what not, kreg starts to change himself....to try and live my lifestyle, with the drinking and he started smoking...and mentioned he finally wanted to try speed ( out of nowhere he says this) and we all know, why im doing so well here, because i was busy with BEING WITH MY LOVELY BOYFRIEND WHO SAID HE NEVER WOULD TOUCH CHEMICALS,BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO BE REMOVED COMPLETELY!
a little fun whenever i went to nanaimo, but that was it, never brought any back to the mainland
because this was my safety zone, with my speed free house, and my speed free boyfriend.....
whatever, i wasnt about to be a hypocrite and tell him not to do it...but that this was not going to turn into a habit and he agreed.
blah blah blah...we have our little trip, talked alot, and seemed to resolve alot of shit...
not even two days later, he says hes going back to the island to buy more drugs...
im quite upset and slightly hurt that he was going back for more....already...
but whatever, hes oging to do what hes going to do and all i had to do was look out for myself.
a bunch of nanaimo folk are in town, sketchy bastards in my house while im sleeping does not sound like a greatplan to me, so i do some drugs to stay awake,and keep an eye on things.
kreg hasnt eaten or slept much at all in this time, im chillin with drew and tanner in the living room while kreg tries to finally get some sleep...i guess got lonely...comes into the living room, and starts freaking out,makes a big scene and then goes and passes out....
if i wasnt sure on leaving before, you can sure bet im not sticking around after this shit.
i dont know what to do...
but yea.
nothing
but
shit
and tonight was the last straw.
to bring you up to date, short and sweet.
the first day in our new apartment together, none of our shit, waiting for some help to carry our shit, we decide to celebrate that we FINALLY got our own place by doing some ketamine.
happy happy joy joy, its really good k, we're all flailin around dancing like idiots, when our friends call and ask for a ride, so kreg goes to get them, and im near k-holing at this point, so i decide to lay down on the floor, because standing was way too much effort....
I start trippin,and start visualizing what our lives where going to be like once we moved in, and i started panicking...this was our house....not mine, not his, i couldnt just leave at anytime, this is what i had agreed to, and this was what i wanted right?? i start getting very anxious and panicking, and wasnt enjoying this amazing k, so i told myself i was just high and i would get over it.
well i didnt.
i tried to be happy, i really did.
but its hard to pretend.
and then we hired a new guy at work, drew, and him and i clicked instantly. like we had been friends for years.and i was missing nanaimo times around this time, and this new friend i had made reminded me of the friends i missed so dearly.
i started hanging out with drew alot, and i had a new friend and i had just gotten my id in the mail, signaling my birthday, man, i was loving life!
i started drinking rather heavily everyday with new friends drew and rory.
they are such nice, non sketchy people, it was like a breath of fresh air to get my mind of nanaimo. i stayed at the hostel the nights where i didnt feel like going home, and even though kreg didnt approve of us hanging out so much, he wnted me to have a social life, so i kept hanging out with drew and rory more and more. i mention to a friend from the island that i had been spending alot of my time with my new friend drew and somehow word of that got miscommunicated and got back to kreg that i was cheating on him with drew, kreg calls me, saying that we needed to talk, so i go home the next day, and right away, he tells me that if i am cheating, to get out oh his life.
we talk shit out, sort of, and i explain i need more space, and that i was feeling very trapped and maybe i wasnt ready to live with him yet.
i barely see kreg anymore, both busy and what not, kreg starts to change himself....to try and live my lifestyle, with the drinking and he started smoking...and mentioned he finally wanted to try speed ( out of nowhere he says this) and we all know, why im doing so well here, because i was busy with BEING WITH MY LOVELY BOYFRIEND WHO SAID HE NEVER WOULD TOUCH CHEMICALS,BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO BE REMOVED COMPLETELY!
a little fun whenever i went to nanaimo, but that was it, never brought any back to the mainland
because this was my safety zone, with my speed free house, and my speed free boyfriend.....
whatever, i wasnt about to be a hypocrite and tell him not to do it...but that this was not going to turn into a habit and he agreed.
blah blah blah...we have our little trip, talked alot, and seemed to resolve alot of shit...
not even two days later, he says hes going back to the island to buy more drugs...
im quite upset and slightly hurt that he was going back for more....already...
but whatever, hes oging to do what hes going to do and all i had to do was look out for myself.
a bunch of nanaimo folk are in town, sketchy bastards in my house while im sleeping does not sound like a greatplan to me, so i do some drugs to stay awake,and keep an eye on things.
kreg hasnt eaten or slept much at all in this time, im chillin with drew and tanner in the living room while kreg tries to finally get some sleep...i guess got lonely...comes into the living room, and starts freaking out,makes a big scene and then goes and passes out....
if i wasnt sure on leaving before, you can sure bet im not sticking around after this shit.
i dont know what to do...