Upla is Paul all jumbled up.
It's 1:00 A.M. on a Sunday morning. You're all that I can think about.
I know you'll never see this unless I show it to you, and virtually everyone I have on this livejournal has long since forsaken it with the exception of Jen (hi!) but I can't help but feel the need to express my feelings.
I'm in love with you.
I hate those words. They've become so watered down. Everything about them just feels so utterly fake. They're said so damn much; yet, they aren't said nearly as often as they should be. Especially by me.
I love everything about you. I wouldn't change a thing. I still get excited when I see your face. I still get aroused when I see your body. I smile every time I hear your voice. I still get giddy when you text me. I still feel warm when I think of the memories we share. My mouth still waters when I smell your scent. Everything about you fills me with happiness.
And yet I let you convince yourself that I don't give a shit about you.
For so long I was so afraid to be with you. I convinced myself it'd end in a greasy horror show. I told myself I'd break your heart, or you'd break mine. I hid my feelings as best I could, for as long as i could. I just thought if I could remain distant, neither of us would be hurt.
I was wrong.
You fell out of love with me.
Now I'm Upla: Paul, all jumbled up. I don't know how to fix the fuckup of repressing the things I should have told you instantly. Now you very well could be gone forever, and who knows if you reading this will help bring you back or drive you away forever- though to an extent that's irrelevant: I need to tell somebody all of this, and right now the blank internet seems like the best place to do it. The position I'm in now makes me hurt even worse because it gives me perspective as to what I did to you for well over a year.
The night you danced for me, in front of all those people. The night you danced my dance.. I knew I was falling in love with you. I could see your emotions in your movements. I could hear you speaking to me with your body. I'll never forget that dance as long as I live. And I'll never forgive myself for not being more open with you.
I want to show you this blog, because it's probably the most naked I've ever been with you.
Yet..
I'm terrified to let you see me like this. Emotional. Vulnerable. Exposed. I'm terrified by the thought that you'll read this and become convinced it's time get while the gettin's good. I'm absolutely mortified that my senseless ramblings will give you a glimpse of the person I am behind the many masks I hide behind.
But if I can't let you see who I am, what hope do I have of ever being with you.
I love you, T-Boss. You make me so fucking happy, even after everything.
And I hope that I can make you happy again.
I know you'll never see this unless I show it to you, and virtually everyone I have on this livejournal has long since forsaken it with the exception of Jen (hi!) but I can't help but feel the need to express my feelings.
I'm in love with you.
I hate those words. They've become so watered down. Everything about them just feels so utterly fake. They're said so damn much; yet, they aren't said nearly as often as they should be. Especially by me.
I love everything about you. I wouldn't change a thing. I still get excited when I see your face. I still get aroused when I see your body. I smile every time I hear your voice. I still get giddy when you text me. I still feel warm when I think of the memories we share. My mouth still waters when I smell your scent. Everything about you fills me with happiness.
And yet I let you convince yourself that I don't give a shit about you.
For so long I was so afraid to be with you. I convinced myself it'd end in a greasy horror show. I told myself I'd break your heart, or you'd break mine. I hid my feelings as best I could, for as long as i could. I just thought if I could remain distant, neither of us would be hurt.
I was wrong.
You fell out of love with me.
Now I'm Upla: Paul, all jumbled up. I don't know how to fix the fuckup of repressing the things I should have told you instantly. Now you very well could be gone forever, and who knows if you reading this will help bring you back or drive you away forever- though to an extent that's irrelevant: I need to tell somebody all of this, and right now the blank internet seems like the best place to do it. The position I'm in now makes me hurt even worse because it gives me perspective as to what I did to you for well over a year.
The night you danced for me, in front of all those people. The night you danced my dance.. I knew I was falling in love with you. I could see your emotions in your movements. I could hear you speaking to me with your body. I'll never forget that dance as long as I live. And I'll never forgive myself for not being more open with you.
I want to show you this blog, because it's probably the most naked I've ever been with you.
Yet..
I'm terrified to let you see me like this. Emotional. Vulnerable. Exposed. I'm terrified by the thought that you'll read this and become convinced it's time get while the gettin's good. I'm absolutely mortified that my senseless ramblings will give you a glimpse of the person I am behind the many masks I hide behind.
But if I can't let you see who I am, what hope do I have of ever being with you.
I love you, T-Boss. You make me so fucking happy, even after everything.
And I hope that I can make you happy again.