The Club/Wedding/Me and My Big Stupid Mouth, etc.
Well, since I promoted we got a few more. Nice to see. I feel really awful right now, long story. I'm tired from this whole wedding business and glad I didn't go out with them afterwards. The whole club thing is good though. Seems as though they are all going steady and its a good thing to see after all this time. I try as hard as I can to post as much as I can. Tonight I'll be up making caps, now not knowing where the flock to put them, but i'll figure it out. I'm probably going to have to make another photo club sadly, something I didn't want to fricking do, but at this point....I'm desperate for space. I feel so bad right now though. I feel totally crappy for pissing someone off, someone that I just didn't want to make mad. And now, he won't even talk to me. Its like every single thing I do feels like it falls apart half the time. These clubs are one of the only things of mine that have a touch of gold to them...that actually do well. At least something had gone right anymore. Feels good for me to do so for Brent, especially involving all the more stuff we as a club learn about him. His plays and such. Its great...nice to see what work he does.
The wedding today was just weird. It was so fast. I listened to Moto Star cranked while I was getting ready and pretty much just zoned out for awhile. I was thinking about the fact that I actually looked and felt different. Moto is great because they capture a lot of the emotion that I can't otherwise normally. It only took like 10 minutes for the wedding and after that, the reception was pretty fun. It was hilarious to be out on the dance floor, dancing around with everyone and then the DJ was just goofy. He wore disco hats and weird stuff. It was funny and reminded me of something Brent would do. I got my hair done and everything...actually felt pretty today for the most part. I dunno, since I went home, I've been really bummed out though. Its not the fact that she's married or anything, of which I am very happy for her. I almost cried. I just feel weird overall about the whole thing. I didn't get the bouquet, not like that mattered. I just can't see myself even getting married or falling in love. I want it, but it seems so far out of my reach. I don't know what has made me bummed out. Probably seeing everyone who is coupled together and seems so happy, and i'm just...there. I hate that feeling all the time. Most of the time, being single sucks. I dunno..the whole day was just weird. It made me exhausted...and i'm still exhausted. I'm going to have to get up at a decent time to get out of here though. I might try and drag myself up in the morning somehow, even though I still have to stay up and make caps yet. My work is never done.
I hate that I probably screwed things up. I'm really upset because I feel like I hurt someone that I didn't want to hurt. If I hadn't have opened my stupid mouth. The truth is, I feel totally stupid. I might have made Sean annoyed with me and that's why he didn't post my pictures...and I, completely feel awful. I messaged him about ten zillion times and feel to the point of crying because I hate when people are upset with me. He is my friend, or I believe he is, and I hate if I made him upset with me. I guess writing this would be considered an attempt to remedy it. I don't know how else to make things better at all. I really do feel awful and have still felt like crying. Seems like everything I try turns to dust. I hate making people angry and i'm very sensitive when it comes to that kind of stuff. I just hate the feeling of it. I shouldn't be so concerned, but at the same time, in some instances...I am. I'm just going to make a formal apology now. Sean, I'm sorry...i'm sorry for being a total doofus and making you do whatever or making you annoyed with me. I don't know exactly what else to say except that i've considered you a friend and if you didn't want to do the site or if I sent you too much stuff to deal with, I shouldn't have. I know how busy you are and I just made things worse.
Yeah, I'm just having my time of being totally and completely annoyed. I guess I have to go for now because I'm being kicked off of here and have to move downstairs. Yergh. More later.
The wedding today was just weird. It was so fast. I listened to Moto Star cranked while I was getting ready and pretty much just zoned out for awhile. I was thinking about the fact that I actually looked and felt different. Moto is great because they capture a lot of the emotion that I can't otherwise normally. It only took like 10 minutes for the wedding and after that, the reception was pretty fun. It was hilarious to be out on the dance floor, dancing around with everyone and then the DJ was just goofy. He wore disco hats and weird stuff. It was funny and reminded me of something Brent would do. I got my hair done and everything...actually felt pretty today for the most part. I dunno, since I went home, I've been really bummed out though. Its not the fact that she's married or anything, of which I am very happy for her. I almost cried. I just feel weird overall about the whole thing. I didn't get the bouquet, not like that mattered. I just can't see myself even getting married or falling in love. I want it, but it seems so far out of my reach. I don't know what has made me bummed out. Probably seeing everyone who is coupled together and seems so happy, and i'm just...there. I hate that feeling all the time. Most of the time, being single sucks. I dunno..the whole day was just weird. It made me exhausted...and i'm still exhausted. I'm going to have to get up at a decent time to get out of here though. I might try and drag myself up in the morning somehow, even though I still have to stay up and make caps yet. My work is never done.
I hate that I probably screwed things up. I'm really upset because I feel like I hurt someone that I didn't want to hurt. If I hadn't have opened my stupid mouth. The truth is, I feel totally stupid. I might have made Sean annoyed with me and that's why he didn't post my pictures...and I, completely feel awful. I messaged him about ten zillion times and feel to the point of crying because I hate when people are upset with me. He is my friend, or I believe he is, and I hate if I made him upset with me. I guess writing this would be considered an attempt to remedy it. I don't know how else to make things better at all. I really do feel awful and have still felt like crying. Seems like everything I try turns to dust. I hate making people angry and i'm very sensitive when it comes to that kind of stuff. I just hate the feeling of it. I shouldn't be so concerned, but at the same time, in some instances...I am. I'm just going to make a formal apology now. Sean, I'm sorry...i'm sorry for being a total doofus and making you do whatever or making you annoyed with me. I don't know exactly what else to say except that i've considered you a friend and if you didn't want to do the site or if I sent you too much stuff to deal with, I shouldn't have. I know how busy you are and I just made things worse.
Yeah, I'm just having my time of being totally and completely annoyed. I guess I have to go for now because I'm being kicked off of here and have to move downstairs. Yergh. More later.