(no subject)
being able to fall asleep quickly and painlessly is a luxury i do not know!!
i wish that my brain would stop thinking when my head hit the pillow.
fuck this.
i am so bored sitting here.
andi is sleeping.
lucky bitch.
haha.
she sleeps with her legs dangling off of her 6 foot loft.
crazy fool.
and sometimes she laughs like a possessed child from a horror movie.
and that's all quite enjoyable.
but i still can't fall asleep.
today everyone and their mom got quite a giggle at my brown ass face.
hahaha.
apparently when you don't brush your white-trash blonde hair with roots and fucking tan skin and you wear a brown 1970s grandpa vest and ripped jeans you don't belong in rehearsal for your musical at michigan state-ummmm you belong in some podunk, shithole bar in texas drinking beers and singing janis joplin. and it makes sense because...i would rather be in some podunk, shithole bar in texas drinking beers and singing janis joplin than in rehearsal. i am like so not ambitious this week.
also, i have to get up in a few hours.
well, that is, if i ever fall asleep.
if i don't fall asleep i will just have to get up from this chair in a few hours.
ef this.
i don't wanna brush my hair ever again
or shower
or live in this dorm
or think so much
or do anything but lay in a field with large speakers that blare songs of my choice.
all of my fantasies are similar.
they're always like visions of myself either laying in some open space or dancing on some open dance floor or like rolling down some hill in ireland.
always alone.
always to music.
always feeling gloriously free and easy.
so basically, that's all i want.
seems so simple, and yet, i am not there.
i am stuck in this rut in this dorm in this college in this city in this state in this silly and lovely and horrible and wonderful america.
i gotta get out.
i need a life changing experience.
i'm having a pre-mid-life-crisis.
i wish that my brain would stop thinking when my head hit the pillow.
fuck this.
i am so bored sitting here.
andi is sleeping.
lucky bitch.
haha.
she sleeps with her legs dangling off of her 6 foot loft.
crazy fool.
and sometimes she laughs like a possessed child from a horror movie.
and that's all quite enjoyable.
but i still can't fall asleep.
today everyone and their mom got quite a giggle at my brown ass face.
hahaha.
apparently when you don't brush your white-trash blonde hair with roots and fucking tan skin and you wear a brown 1970s grandpa vest and ripped jeans you don't belong in rehearsal for your musical at michigan state-ummmm you belong in some podunk, shithole bar in texas drinking beers and singing janis joplin. and it makes sense because...i would rather be in some podunk, shithole bar in texas drinking beers and singing janis joplin than in rehearsal. i am like so not ambitious this week.
also, i have to get up in a few hours.
well, that is, if i ever fall asleep.
if i don't fall asleep i will just have to get up from this chair in a few hours.
ef this.
i don't wanna brush my hair ever again
or shower
or live in this dorm
or think so much
or do anything but lay in a field with large speakers that blare songs of my choice.
all of my fantasies are similar.
they're always like visions of myself either laying in some open space or dancing on some open dance floor or like rolling down some hill in ireland.
always alone.
always to music.
always feeling gloriously free and easy.
so basically, that's all i want.
seems so simple, and yet, i am not there.
i am stuck in this rut in this dorm in this college in this city in this state in this silly and lovely and horrible and wonderful america.
i gotta get out.
i need a life changing experience.
i'm having a pre-mid-life-crisis.